Season 2 X 13 : Skin Deep

Original Airdate: 2/20/2006
Written by: David Shore, Garrett Lerner & Russel Friend
Directed by: James Hayman
Transcript by: Heather

BEGINNING

(Open on a runway show; models, fur, photographers. Backstage Alex is getting ready to go on. She’s young, she’s hot… she needs to eat a cookie.)

Alex: Ugh. I think I’m gonna puke.

Austin: Not on this dress.

Alex: I’m serious.

Austin: Kate Moss was doing this at 13 you have 2 years on her. (She smiles.) Yeah, that’s what I like to see. You got this. Next show, you’re bride.

Dad: Did Austin just offer you bride?

Alex: It wasn’t a real offer daddy he was just being nice. These shoes are gonna be impossible to walk in.

Dad: You’ve done this a hundred times before all right. The runway is just a little bit longer here.

Alex: One of the girls said Madonna’s in the front row.

Dad: Sweetie, sweetie, hey. Come on. Are you going to be able to do this? All right. Come here, come here. (He leads her behind a rack of clothes.) Here, hold this. (He hands her his glass of champagne.) The doctor gave me these for anxiety, all right. It’ll calm you down. Here. Come on its okay. (He hands her a pill.)

Austin: Where’s Alex? Alex you’re up. (She takes the pill with the champagne.)

Dad: Go, go, go; knock them out.

(She walks the runway but something is wrong. She stumbles, drops the hideous coat. Her vision is blurry, she blinks like she’s stoned as flash bulbs go off all over the place.)

Model: Are you okay? (Alex hits her with a wicked right hook, knocking her off the runway and into the crowd. Must have thought dad meant it literally.)

Dad: Alex!

(She stumbles and falls onto the runway amid a flurry of camera flashes close on her staring straight up, eyes wide open.)

Opening Credits (Massive Attack!!)

(Ryan Adams ‘Desire’ plays as the camera pans from rain falling on the window to the clock; it flips to 9:19 am and the alarm goes off. House is lying in bed, fumbles with the clock to turn off the alarm, throws off the covers and massages his leg. He sits up gingerly, obviously in pain and stumbles and falls back when he tries to stand. He massages the leg some more while sitting on the edge of bed.)

Clinic Area

Wilson: How’d you get here?

House: By osmosis.

Wilson: No helmet?

House: Didn’t seem like riding weather.

Wilson: And the fact that you can barely stand upright had nothing to do with it?

House: Infarctions hurt that’s what they do.

Cuddy: (She tries to hand him a file as they walk past.) House. (He ignores her.)

Wilson: Worsening pain could actually be a good thing, means the nerves might be regenerating.

House: Could be good, could be bad. Thanks for the differential. Any other options?

Wilson: Have you ever considered a career as a motivational speaker? Why don’t you check out some rehab?

House: I did the rehab thing.

Wilson: One session and you didn’t even finish that session.

House: The guy wanted me to visualize the healing. (e opens his pills.) I can do that at home.

Wilson: At least let me get you an MRI.

House: It’s a very simple equation; more pain, more pills. (He takes a pill.)

Cuddy: Teenage super model. Presented with double vision, sudden aggressive behavior, cataple--

House: You had me at teenage supermodel. (He enters the elevator.)

Alex’s Room

Dad: You okay? (She nods, House enters.)

House: Wow you should be a model. Are you really 15?

Dad: Who are you?

House: I’ll be the one saving her life today; assuming she’s dying. Who are you?

Alex: He’s my father.

Dad: Any idea what’s wrong with her?

House: From the looks of it, not a single thing. I probably should stop staring and check out the file. So what set off the brawl? She stand in your light?

Alex: I didn’t even know her. I didn’t know what happened.

Dad: Look I know some models are notorious for hissy fits, but Alex, I’ve never even seen her get angry. Even when she was a kid she was--

House: I’m sure she was delightful in her youth. And then you passed out.

Alex: I was passed out but I wasn’t. I... I knew what was going on but I couldn’t move or talk.

House: Yeah, sounds like a medical thing. It’s called cataplexy; cat fight and cataplexy on the catwalk. Cool. How much were you drinking?

Dad: She only had one sip of champagne. (House rolls his eyes.)

House: Forget it. We’ll find out from the tox screen.

Dad: All right, look, I gave her a valium. You think that’s what did this?

House: No. How long have you had the sweats?

Alex: A couple of days.

House: Any other complaints?

Alex: Uh, my stomachs been bothering me, and I’ve been feeling a little nauseous.

House: Okay. Here’s how this works; my lackeys will be by shortly to draw some blood, collect some urine, any other fluids you’ve got, they’ll do some other doctorly stuff and we’ll be in touch. (He walks out into the hall where Cameron is waiting.)

Cameron: Since when do you voluntarily go see patients?

House: Have you seen her?

Cameron: She’s fifteen.

House: Yeah, but there’s something about her. Something in her eyes, a kind maturity.

Cameron: Yeah, yeah, she’s an old soul. This is creepy even for you.

House: She’s a fashion model, on the cover of magazines. They hold her up as a sexual ideal; the law says we can’t touch her for three more years. How hypocritical is that?

Cameron: Did the history reveal anything, oh I don’t know, medically relevant.

House: History. Right, knew I was forgetting something. You should do one of those while you’re writing the labs and the tox screen. (He hands her the file.)

Conference Room

(House is rubbing his leg under the table.)

Cameron: Labs show valium and heroin in her urine.

Chase: A super model on smack, shocker.

House; Oh Alex, I expected so much more from you. Heroine chic is so five years ago.

Foreman: Okay, let’s start crossing out withdrawal symptoms. (He goes over to the whiteboard.)

Cameron: A positive test means she tried it once. Doesn’t mean she’s an addict. She’s only fifteen.

Foreman: There’s no age limit on addiction.

House: He’s right.

Chase: She’s never menstruated. Sounds like a symptom of drug addiction to me.

Cameron: Or bulimia, or her age. Some girls don’t start till their mid to late teens.

House: Evidence to the contrary; the rounded hips, the perfectly sculpted bountiful breasts.

Chase: Implants. I’ve seen some of her photos. They’ve grow dramatically since last summer.

House: Symptomatic of turning fourteen. Two clinic hours says that those love apples were hand crafted by God. (Foreman scoffs.)

Foreman: I thought you didn’t believe in God.

House: I do now.

Chase: You’re on.

Cameron: Could we talk about her health instead of her breasts?

House: Could be relevant. Come on Cameron, there’s nothing to be ashamed of, many women develop breasts -- (He gets up while he’s talking and stumbles, they all look at him.) No, I’m fine.

Cameron: Even if she is an addict a lot of her symptoms, the cataplexy, the violence, they could be neurological. We chalk this up to drugs we could be releasing her with juvenile MS, or Parkinson’s --

House: Detox her.

Foreman: Fine. We’ll set her up on a program; they’ll wean her onto the methadone.

House: And in four weeks we’ll know you’re right. Or we’ll know that Cameron’s right and the pretty girl will do Milan next fall in a wheelchair. Put her in a coma, pump her full of naltrexone. Cut the four weeks to one night.

Hallway Outside Alex’s Room.

Foreman: Lab reports show that your daughter had heroine in her system. Were you aware of her drug use?

Dad: No.

Foreman: We think she’s suffering from withdrawal symptoms. Detoxing generally takes several weeks; the danger is that if the drugs are masking some other illness it could worsen before we’ve weaned her off the heroine.

Dad: Well, how much worse?

Foreman: We don’t know, because we don’t know what’s wrong. There is a rapid detox procedure. We flush her system with an opioid antagonist. It’ll end her addiction over night. But the process is dangerous, because we have to induce a coma. It also means that if she ever relapses there’s a good chance she’ll overdose, because her body won’t react to the drug.

Dad: So either way, I’m… I’m risking her life. Do you have to tell her how dangerous it is?

Alex’s Room

(Dad watches through the window.)

Alex: Is it dangerous?

Foreman: There are certain risks; we’ve gone over them with your father.

Alex: And he’s not worried?

Foreman; He’s your dad. He’s always gonna worry, but he knows we’re going to take good care of you.

Alex: Oh, everything’s starting to hurt. My legs--

Chase: Heroine withdrawal is an extremely painful process but we’re going to put you to sleep. You won’t feel a thing.

Alex: Promise?

Chase: I promise.

Alex: It was a pretty stupid thing to do, huh.

Chase: Getting hooked on drugs? Yeah not the best move you’ve ever made.

Alex: I just, I thought it would be fun.

Chase: You don’t have to explain to us.

Alex: A lot of the other girls were--

Chase: When you wake up, you’ll feel a lot better.

(Dad watches from the observation window while she sleeps; suddenly her heart rate goes crazy and then she flat lines.)

Dad: Nurse! Nurse!

Commercial Break: Buy things!

Hallway Outside Alex’s Room

Dad: You son of a bitch you killed her.

House: She’s not dead.

Dad: She had a heart attack!

Foreman: She’s stable now. The anesthesia…

Dad: Get her out of that coma.

House: I don’t think so. (He starts to walk away.)

Dad: Stop this. Alright, I… I don’t consent anymore. I want to do the slow detox.

House: (He stops and faces the father.) Did you ever get a paper cut? A really nasty one, between the fingers? Multiply that by about a billion and you just barely approach the kind of suffering she’ll experience if we wake her up now. We’re committed to this. She’s out till morning go get a book. (He walks away.)

In the clinic

George: I haven’t slept in weeks, because my teeth hurt. Dentist couldn’t find any cavities. And I’m getting these headaches.

House: Oh, poor you. (He pulls out his pills.)

George: I think I’m going crazy. And my stomach, I roll out of bed and I want to puke.

House: I take it you’re married. (He takes a pill.)

George: You must be psychic. (He holds up his left hand with wedding ring clearly visible.)

House: You must be witty. When’s she due?

George: How’d you know she was--

House: Because I’m doing her. You’ve got couvades syndrome; which is just a fancy way of saying you should stop whining. Millions of women have got the same thing, they’re not bugging me. You’re suffering from sympathetic pregnancy. Gotta go. People dying. Whole circle of life thing. (He gets up to leave.)

George: It’s all in my head?

House: No, it’s all in your hormones. Good news is no ones gonna lecture you if you smoke and get drunk.

Alex’s Room

Dad: Shouldn’t she be awake by now?

Chase: It’s only been a half an hours since we stopped the medicine.

Dad: Well, you said that’s how long it would take.

Chase: I said it would take about a half an hour.

Dad: Couldn’t this mean something more?

Chase: So far it means nothing.

Dad: She had a heart attack. She could have brain damage. She cold have something more…

Chase: She’s opening her eyes. Alex are you okay? Can you hear me?

Alex: Huh. I got the cute doctor.

Chase: Heh. (He smiles.) Do you feel any pain? (She shakes her head.) Good let us know if anything changes; if your stomach doesn’t feel right, anything. (He moves away.)

Alex: Are you mad at me daddy? I let you down.

Dad: No, no, not at all sweetie.

Alex: I should have been more mature. I should have handled the pressure.

Dad: Stop, stop. We’re going to get you better, all right. Nothing else matters.

Chase: Excuse me. We’ve got you on what we call a banana bag; vitamins, nutrients.

Alex: I got the cute doctor. Are you mad at me daddy? I let you down.

Dad: What’s going on?

Alex: I should have been more mature. I should have handled the pressure.

Dad: What’s wrong with her?

Foreman: Anterograde amnesia, short term memory loss, evidence of a hypoxic brain injury; might be the result of getting cut off from the oxygen when she flat lined. Probably the result of that rapid detox you told us to push on her. You gonna put that down? (House puts down his ‘Celeb’ magazine and inhales, holds his breath.) You gonna sulk? (House shakes his head.) I’m not gonna indulge you. (House checks his watch.) Treatment for hypoxic brain injuries consist of… (House exhales.)

House: Cameron, Chase and the dark one; Foreman, right? Patient flat lined for like 30 seconds, got to be oxygen deprived for longer than that to lose brain function.

Cameron: We can’t be sure how long she was--

House: Her brain’s fine.

Foreman: Memory loss. You’re saying that’s not a neurological symptom?

House: No. I’m saying what I’m saying. Her brain’s fine.

Chase: She’s faking?

House: She’s got post traumatic stress disorder.

Chase: We got models fighting in Iraq now?

House: Show me a woman on heroine who looks like that (He hold up a magazine picture of Alex.) and I’ll show you a woman who’s been sexually abused.

Cameron: That’s your proof? That she’s good looking? He manages her career, travels the world with her, at her side 24/7; he’s either a very good dad or a very bad dad. You saw that touckhus, would the fact that she’s your daughter really stop you?

Chase: (Scoffing.) Oh.

House: Her brain is running away from reality. When the drugs can’t do it anymore it starts to shut down.

Foreman: Your theory has the advantages of being completely unprovable and completely exculpating you.

House: When you guys are done talking do an MRI and an LP; when her brain checks out as normal then we’ll know that daddy really, really loves her.

Clinic

Cuddy: Where’s House?

Nurse: Said he was in too much pain to work.

Cuddy: Who’s covering?

Nurse: He called 15 minutes after his shift started, too late to find anybody. (The nurse hands Cuddy a file.) Exam room 1.

Exam Room 1

Cuddy: Hi

George: Where’s doctor House?

Cuddy: Wish I knew. What’s the problem?

George: It’s personal.

Cuddy: And its so personal he didn’t bother writing anything in your chart.

George: It’s getting worse.

Cuddy: What is?

George: It’s personal.

Cuddy: Fine. You can wait.

George: Doctor. (He opens his shirt… he’s got breasts.)

Cuddy: I’ll tell you what. I am gonna give you Dr. House’s personal pager number.

Walk & Talk

Foreman: Why would your mind go to abuse so fast?

House: I had a funny uncle.

Foreman: You were abused?

House; What? No. Why would your mind go to that so fast I just had a funny uncle; great stories, always filthy.

Foreman: I don’t know if it has something to do with this case or if you have something personal going on. The whole break up thing--

House: It’s personal.

Foreman: House. Your pain is affecting your decision making.

House: You got a problem with a call I make, question the call don’t make it personal.

Foreman: Are you saying pain can’t affect your mood? If I’m right about the pain you’re going to want to rush everything; which is what you’re doing. Don’t.

House: (House looks like it may have made an impact.) Thank you. Are you doing your daughter?

Dad: What?

House: We should probably talk privately huh, come on, walk with me. (Foreman shakes his head.)

Dad: I’m not.

House: He’s not. Sure he’s not. She is a babe though.

MRI Lab

(Alex’s toes are twitching.)

Chase: We’re gonna need you to keep still.

Alex: (Her toes are still wiggling.) I am.

Cameron: What do you think that means?

Chase: It’s either neurological or psychological. The only thing we know for sure is that it’s gonna screw up the MRI results which is gonna make House think he’s right.

Cameron: This is a waste of time let’s just get the LP.

In a Bathroom

Dad: I should take your head off. (House checks the dad’s glands.)

House: Your glands are fine. So now you’re my patient. You’ve got doctor-patient confidentiality, no worries. So what did you do to her?

Dad: How could you possibly think?

House: Hard to imagine anyone not wanting to nail her.

Dad: You son of a--

House: It’s a compliment. The heart shaped ass, those perfect perky all natural breasts.

Dad: That is my daughter you’re talking about.

House: No, that’s your daughter you were talking about. (House opens his magazine.) ‘She just instinctively knows how to walk. Designers just love that heart shaped ass, those perfect perky--’

Dad: I’m her manager I have to promote her.

House: Oh, that makes sense. So you compartmentalize. When you’re dealing with the press you’re her manager. When you’re helping with homework you’re her dad. When you’re making sweet, sweet love you’re her manager.

Dad: All right. (He starts to leave.)

House: Do you love her?

Dad: I never touched her.

House: Do you lover her?

Dad: What are you doing? Trying to trap me into saying--

House: Do you love her enough to admit that you slept with her? Psychological conditions can manifest themselves in physical problems. Sometimes these can be extreme enough to kill. There are treatments, but only if there’s a diagnosis. Are you going to admit that you slept with your daughter or are you just gonna let her die?

Dad: One time. (House throws the magazine in the trash and walks out.)

In the Lab

House: PTSD. Get her a psych referral and pack her bags. He did her.

Cameron: Don’t think so.

House: Daddy thinks so. Could be mistaken, said he was drunk, could be some other daughter.

Chase: Elevated proteins in her CSF. (He hands House the test results.)

Foreman: You’re wrong about PTSD, and I was wrong about the hypoxic brain injury. Daddy didn’t do this to her and neither did we.

Commercial Break: Buy Stuff!!

Cameron: We have to call child protective services.

House: Doctor-patient confidentiality.

Cameron: Doesn’t apply in abuse cases, you know that. We’re mandated to report sexual abuse.

House: Is it okay if I save her life first or do you want to make sure daddy doesn’t get visitation rights to the grave site?

Foreman: Okay elevated proteins in her CSF could mean dozens of different things, viral encephalitis, CNSV.

Chase: Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease.

Cameron: So we’re just gonna leave a child molester in the same room as his victim?

House: It’s got windows. (She glares at him.) Fine, arrest him. Use Cuddy’s handcuffs.

Cameron: If you’re too distracted to deal with this because your leg hurts.

House: (Loud and angrily.) Yeah, I’m distracted. I’m all hung up on this fifteen year old patient who’s cataplectic, can’t remember what she had for lunch and is rapidly losing control of her body. And I want her father here in case they’ve got any more secrets that I need to know about. Now, if you’re not too distracted go take out a piece of her brain and stick it under a microscope. (He sees Wilson out in the hall.) Wilson! (Wilson stops and waits.)

Foreman: Whoa, whoa, whoa, you really think we need to jump straight to brain biopsy?

House: No, lets keep playing pin the diagnosis on the supermodel until she’s dead. (House joins Wilson in the hallway.)

Wilson: Heard you killed your supermodel.

House: Only for a minute.

Wilson: Just for my own clarity. How many more patients do you have to kill before you admit this leg thing just might be a problem?

House: Three. I need your help.

Foreman: We’re gonna do something called a burr hole biopsy. We drill a small opening in the back of your skull--

Dad: Doctor, maybe you and I should talk about this first.

Foreman: No.

Dad: I just think Alex doesn’t need to be overwhelmed right now.

Foreman: I think she should have a say in what happens to her body. (She looks from one to the other and twitches.) We’re gonna remove a small piece of brain tissue.

Alex: Do… do you have to shave my hair?

Foreman: Hair grows back.

Alex: Guess I won’t remember anyways.

Foreman: There’s a good chance the amnesia’s only temporary. (She twitches.)

Alex: Okay

Procedure Room

Drill thingy whirs, Foreman watches them use a big needle to take a sample; um, yuck, but not as yuck as the maggots.

Cuddy’s Office

Cuddy: Find a way to kick up the contribution. (She hangs up the phone when Cameron enters.) What did House do now?

MRI Lab

(MRI machine clicking, House is inside.)

Wilson (as God): House this is God.

House: Look, I’m a little busy right now. Not supposed to talk during these things. Got time Thursday?

Wilson (as God): Let me check; aw, I got a plague. What about Friday?

House: (Smiling.) You’ll have to check with Cameron.

Wilson (as God): Oh, damn it. She always wants to know why bad things happen. Like I’m gonna come up with a new answer this time.

Cuddy: (Enters the MRI Lab.) House.

House: Quick, God, smite the evil witch! (Wilson wisely says nothing.)

Cuddy: Are you sitting on evidence that your patient was sexually abused by her father?

House: God, why have you forsaken me?

Cuddy: Don’t worry. I have contacted child services for you. I let you get away with more than anyone in this hospital. Shielding a child abuser isn’t covered. (Inside the MRI machine he mimics her.) Cooperate with this investigation or Ill fire you.

Conference Room

Chase: What do you think House is gonna do to you?

Cameron: No idea.

Foreman: Well, you did the right thing. If you hadn’t gone to Cuddy I would have.

Chase: If this guy’d known we’d have to report him he’d never have told House the truth.

Cameron: She’s a child, she needs to be protected.

Chase: She dropped out of high school to make millions of dollars. Why does she need more protection than some crack whore shivering in the clinic waiting room?

Forman: I think you’re just afraid to piss House off.

Chase: There’s that too.

Walk & Talk

Wilson: MRI looks exactly the same as it did two years ago. Nerves don’t seem to be regenerating.

House: I figured as much.

Wilson: Several researchers have proven that psychological pain can manifest as physical pain.

House: You think I have a conversion disorder? You want me to see a shrink.

Wilson: Brilliant idea, sending Stacey away, it’s really done wonders for you.

House: Listen none of this has anything to do with Stacey.

Wilson: Right; giant coincidence that you’ve gone completely off the rails since she left; inducing migraines, worsening leg pain-- (House whacks him with his cane.) Ow!

House: Aw. You miss Stacey too?

Conference Room

Chase: Brain biopsy shows no white matter disease.

House: Cameron, you going to tell Cuddy or has she already got you wired for sound?

Cameron: I had to do what I thought was right.

House: So white is out, that just leaves grey.

Foreman: Neuronal ceroid lipofuscinosis, Heller syndrome.

Chase: Any one of the mitochondrial encephalopathies.

Cameron: Am I in trouble? (Is this the same person who was accusing him of being distracted not three scenes ago.)

House: You had to do what you thought was right. They call it grey area because you never really know what’s there. We can’t test for any of those things.

Cameron: So I’m not in trouble. (Focus!)

House: You can torture yourself all you want. What if everything we’re seeing, is just smoke signals.

Chase: Okay. Who’s sending them?

House: Tumor. If she has cancer anywhere in her body, she could also have paraneoplastic syndrome which could be causing antibodies to attack her brain. Antibodies are stupid that way.

Foreman: Paraneoplastic syndrome is awfully rare in a fifteen year old.

House: Fifteen year olds who look like that are awfully rare. It would explain the aggressive behavior, the cataplexy, the memory loss, even the twitching. It’s perfect.

Cameron: What if it’s not? We could waste weeks searching for a tumor that we don’t even know is there.

House: Then let’s make sure it is there.

Foreman: There’s no test for paraneoplastic syndrome.

House: Sure there is, the squeeze the tube test.

Alex’s Room

Dad: What did the biopsy tell you?

Foreman: It wasn’t definitive.

House: But the twitching should stop right about now. (The twitching stops.)

Alex: Oh my god.

House: Could’ve just been a coincidence. Twitching does tend to stop and start. Let’s be sure. (He squeezes the tube and she twitches.) The IVIG vacuums her blood neutralizes the stuff that’s making her twitch. It’s actually kind of cool. (He does it again.) I wonder if could make you dance.

Foreman: Enough.

Dad: This is unbelievable. You did it. You fixed her.

House: No, all I did was prove that she has cancer.

House: I need a favor.

Cuddy: I’m not in a giving mood.

House: It’ll help us both. I need a shot of morphine in my spine.

Cuddy: If your leg hurts, take your vicodin.

House: It’s not enough. Get a syringe.

Cuddy: Morphine is extreme, even for you.

House: Yeah, write that on the insert.

Cuddy: Get one of your lackeys to do it.

House: I don’t want them knowing.

Cuddy: That you’re on the road to becoming a junkie?

House: That I’m in this much pain. I don’t want them questioning my judgment. I can’t ask Wilson because he figures its all in my head.

Cuddy: Well, I agree with him. I’m going home.

House: (He throws his cane and pulls his pants down.) Well, what about this?

Cuddy: What are you doing?

House: Is this in my head? (Whoa, he has a wicked scar.) Cause I could swear I remember a thigh muscle being here. (He breathes heavily.)

Cuddy: I’ll get a syringe.

Commercial Break

Back in the MRI Lab and God is there only now he’s just Wilson doing a series of tests looking for a tumor.

House: It’s gotta be cancer.

Wilson: It’s not cancer. You seem to be back to your old miserable self.

House: So I just randomly predicted she’d respond to IVIG? Her twitches are gone, her memory’s getting better.

Wilson: What did you take?

House: If the increased pain’s psychological, no drugs gonna help.

Wilson: If you thing it’ll help the drugs will help. Power of the mind.

House: You’re right. The more I talk to you, the more the pain floods back. (He looks at a scan.) Knew the twins were real. Chase owes me. You check the pancreas?

Wilson: Oh come on, you’re just making up organs now aren’t you. We checked the pancreas. Obviously you’ve taken something.

House: You check the bones? There are a lot if bones, I think.

Wilson: And none of them have cancer.

House: Ovaries?

Wilson: There’s no mass, if anything they’re undersized. No leukemia. No Hodgkin’s. We checked everything. Unless they’ve invented a new organ, it’s not cancer.

Conference Room

House: Differential diagnosis.

Foreman: It’s gotta be cancer. There’s gotta be something we missed.

House: You gotta learn to let go Foreman.

Chase: Maybe the protein level was some sort of anomaly. It might still just be PTSD.

Cameron: Just PTSD. Yeah, daddy’s diddling her, nothing to worry about.

Chase: Okay, let me rephrase. Maybe the protein level was some sort of anomaly. Oh my God it might be PTSD.

Foreman: If it was PTSD the twitching wouldn’t have magically disappeared when we started the IVIG.

House: (Snaps fingers.) Wrong. What it wouldn’t have done was medically disappear, nothing to stop it from magically disappearing. She was watching me start and stop the medicine.

Cameron: You think she’s faking?

House: Not consciously, but if her subconscious is trying to get away from it all cancer’s got to be a lovely vacation spot. Tell her you’ve got to give her a fresh IV. Don’t tell her you’re starting her on saline. See if the twitching comes back.

Hallway Outside Alex’s Room

Foreman: How long has the social worker been in there?

Cameron: Just went in. She was in with the dad before.

Foreman: You switched the girl’s IV?

Chase: About a half an hour ago.

Foreman: When’s she gonna start twitching?

Chase: If she’s gonna start twitching, another few minutes. We’ve got to wait for the remaining IVIG to clear her system. (The social worker comes out and walks toward them.)

Cameron: That was quick. What’s gonna happen?

Social Worker: What did you think was gonna happen?

Cameron: The father had sex--

Social Worker: Do you have any medical evidence of that?

Cameron: He admitted--

Social Worker: He denies that conversation ever took place.

Cameron: She--

Social Worker: She denies it too. I’m sure you meant well. (Cameron watches the Social Worker leave and then goes into Alex’s room.)

Cameron: You have to tell her the truth.

Alex: Nothing happened.

Cameron: You don’t have to be afraid of him. They can protect you.

Alex: From what? Things are fine.

Cameron: You think things are fine, they’re not.

Alex: He’s my dad.

Cameron: He’s abusing you.

Alex: He’s not a bad person. I seduced him.

Cameron: You’re the child, He’s the adult. He had the responsibility--

Alex: I got him drunk. I had to get him drunk. I wanted to have sex with him.

Cameron: You’re sexually attracted to your father?

Alex: No, but by sleeping with him now he lets me do whatever I want. I also slept with my photographer, my financial manager, and my tutor; if I hadn’t I’d be getting C’s and posing for newspaper ads back in Detroit. Come on, we all do it.

Cameron: No, we don’t. After your father slept with you, you were traumatized.

Alex: My dad was last. You’ve never taken a run at your boss, or professor, or somebody else you needed?

Cameron: You’re fifteen. You’re smart. You don’t have--

Alex: I am not that smart. I am that beautiful. (Twitching starts again.) What’s wrong with me?

Delivery Room

Woman: (Screaming.) George get your butt over here.

George: Help me.

House: How did you get my pager number?

Woman: Please.

House: Problem is if I give you an epidural you won’t be able to feel when to push.

George: You’re not funny.

House: Pretty sure I am. You just can’t appreciate it because you’re in pain.

Woman: George, if you don’t get off your ass and help me.

House: Oh shut up! You’ve got yourself the perfect man; a woman. He’s got more estrogen coursing through his veins—(Light bulb.)

House: Who did her vaginal exam?

Cameron: I did

House: Did she have hair?

Cameron: What are you getting at?

House: Right now I’m getting at whether or not she had hair down there.

Cameron: Uh… not much.

House: She’s manipulative, yet completely docile. Everybody tells us that outburst on the catwalk was out of character. She’s never had a period.

Cameron: You’re thinking this is hormonal?

House: I’m thinking she’s the ultimate woman. (He stops to speak to a nurse who is on the phone.) I… (He hangs up the phone by pressing the button.) I need to schedule an MRI.

MRI Lab

Alex: The twitching stopped.

House: Because we changed your medicine back to the real stuff. Stop talking.

Alex: You gave me fake medicine?

House: That’s what I said; in the vain hope that you wouldn’t feel the need to also say it. Stop talking.

Cameron: Wilson already did an ultrasound, said her ovaries were undersized.

House: The ultrasound would be the way to go if you were looking for ovarian cancer.

Cameron: What are we looking for? (The machine beeps.)

House: That.

Cameron: Oh my God.

House: Looks like a tumor doesn’t it?

Cameron: But those are.

House: Yep.

Alex’s Room

House: We found a tumor.

Dad: She has cancer.

House: Technically, no.

Dad: So its not cancer? House: No, it’s cancer. But, he has cancer, on his left testicle.

Alex: I don’t have testicles.

Dad: She’s not a guy.

House: His DNA says you’re wrong. Frogs and snails and puppy dog tails. You’ve got male pseudohermaphroditism. See we all start out as girls and then we’re differentiated based on our genes. The ovaries develop into testes and drop. But in about 1 in 150,000 pregnancies a fetus with an XY chromosome, a boy, develops into something else. Like you. Your testes never descended because you’re immune to testosterone. You’re pure estrogen, which is why you get heightened female characteristics; clear skin, great breasts. The ultimate woman is a man. Nature’s cruel, huh?

Dad: This is obviously a joke, this is impossible.

House: No, a joke would be me calling you a homo. See the difference? I’ll schedule him for surgery.

Alex: (She gets out of bed.) No, you’re wrong. I’m a girl. (She pulls off her gown.) Look at me! How could you say I’m not a girl? See! They’re all looking at me. I’m beautiful!

House: Anger, it’s just the cancer talking. Put your clothes back on. I’m going to cut your balls off. Then you’ll be fine. (She covers up, crying and looks at her dad who turns to look out the window.)

Cuddy: How’s the patient.

House: Post op. I sent him slash her up for a psyche visit.

Cuddy: Calling her him slash her isn’t really helping.

House: Good news is, I don’t think dad’s going to be sleeping with him slash her again. See, now it’s gross. I need another shot.

Cuddy: When did the pain start coming back?

House: A few hours ago.

Cuddy: About an hour after you solved the case.

House: If I wanted to be psychoanalyzed I’d get Wilson to give me the shot.

Cuddy: Same dosage?

House: If you would be more comfortable, I might be able to deal with a few CC’s less morphine.

Cuddy: It wasn’t morphine.

House: What did you give me? I told you I wanted--

Cuddy: It was saline, I gave you a placebo. (She leaves him standing there looking contemplative.)

Piano playing Bach’s French Suite #5 in G major Allemande; cut to House playing the piece from memory. His vicodin is sitting on top of the piano. He hits the wrong note, stops playing, opens the bottle and pours out the pills. He takes one as Desire starts to play again. Fade out on him sitting at the piano.


THE END

Season 2 X 12 : Distractions

Original Airdate: 2/14/2006
Written by: Lawrence Kaplow
Directed by: David Attias
Transcript by: Jenna


BEGINNING

(Scenes opens on a track running through the forest, Adam (son) and Doug (father) are riding on the family ATV, whooping as they go)

Doug: All right, hold on, just this turn up here.

[Adam whoops in delight]

Adam: Wow! How cool was that?

Doug: That was WAY cool!

[They get off the bike]

Adam: My turn!

Doug: No sorry, it's not allowed. We just signed 15 pages of forms saying you gotta ride on the back of that thing.

Adam: I don't see any lawyers around.

Doug: You know that's not the point.

Adam: No, you just want to keep all the fun to yourself [crosses his arms over his chest] Come on, dad!

Doug: You go over 15; we're pulling over, all right? I mean it!

Adam: You're the best!

Doug: Alright, get on there. Put on your goggles [he sits behind his son on the ATV, Adam is very excited]

Adam: Ready?

Doug: Alright, that's my boy!

[they speed down the track, Adam is whooping and suddenly his eyes are going funny, he looks like he's having some kind of fit and can no longer control himself physically. He accelerates on the ATV and doesn't seem to know himself anymore]

Doug: Adam! Don't go too fast! I mean it! You're going too fast! Slow down!! Adam!!! [they go around a curve and Doug falls off the back, Adam speeds on ahead] ADAM!! [he continues shouting something I can't make out]

[Adam drives the ATV on ahead over into a pit where the ATV bursts into flames and Adam catches on fire as well]

Doug: ADAM! ADAM! NO!!!

[OPENING CREDITS]

(Scene opens on the helipad of the hospital on the rooftop. Adam's body is wrapped in metallic foil on a stretcher and being wheeled into the hospital by paramedics)

Doctor: What've you got?

Paramedic: 16-yr-old, status burnt. ATV crashed, 40% of burns on his body.

Doctor: Nasal tracheal intervention. Start a bag of lactated ringers wide open.

Doug: Will he be ok?

Doctor: [putting on scrubs] We'll be with you when we can. Get him out!

Doug: Wait, wait...

[Doug is pushed out of the room as the doctors and nurses prepare to take Adam out of the protective foil. Doug watches worriedly from outside]

(Scene cuts to House reading an Indian medical journal in the observation deck above an empty operating theatre)

[House makes a derisive noise and picks up what looks like a dictionary to probably translate what he just read]

House: Deia rei marki. Deia rei marki! [pronouncing something out of the book, Foreman enters]

Foreman: Been looking for you.

House: Been avoiding you. Burn unit can handle it.

Foreman: If they could handle it, they wouldn't be asking for you. [Foreman takes out his mobile phone to check something, then tosses the patient's file into House's lap. House rolls his eyes] Is that a Journal?

House: Friend wrote an article.

Foreman: In Hindi?

House: They have a cutting edge neuroscience program in India. Says so right on the cover [he hands it over to Foreman and looks at the file] Kid's heart rate's a mess. [he gets up]

Foreman: Tachycardia can be explained by the burn.

House: I assume the burn unit knew that.

[They're walking down the corridor and are joined by Chase and Cameron running in]

House: His potassium's low.

Foreman: Which can also be explained by the burn.

House: Except I'm sure the burn unit's pumping him with fluids, which means his potassium should be going up, not down.

Foreman: Could be amphetamines.

House: Or a bacteria lunching on his heart. Or cardial myopathy or some other very bad thing. He needs an EKG.

[They walk up the steps to a small observatory platform and look into the next room where Adam is sedated though you can see all the burns all over his chest and torso. It isn't a pretty sight]

House: Eww. 'Kay, no skin, no EKG.

Chase: Is he even going to survive the burn?

House: What have you got a date or something? [draws a deep breath] 40% of his body, if the burns unit can prevent an infection, his body will regenerate maybe 10%, surgeons will do 20 or so, after 6 months in this room he'll end up with a series of nasty scars, maybe some pain and he'll live. [some nurses in scrubs are washing Adam's burns and scrubbing away the burnt flesh] Unless his heart shuts down because we can't figure out what's causing the low potassium and tachycardia. We need help from a Belgian doc named Eindhoven.

Chase: He's dead.

House: While he was alive he invented a little ditty called the galvanometer.

Foreman: Where do we get one?

House: Go to an electronics store that's been open since before nineteen o five. There's a good chance they got one around the corner in the basement.

(Scene cuts to Cuddy in her office, nurse Brenda interrupts)

Brenda: We need an audio visual set up for the lecture hall.

Cuddy: What for?

Brenda: For the lecture.

Cuddy: What lecture?

Brenda: Dr Weber's lecture.

Cuddy: Who is Dr Weber?

Brenda: A neurologist, I think. The memo was from you.

Cuddy: [looks immediately suspicious and takes a look at the memo] Where is my assistant?

Brenda: She left.

Cuddy: When?

Brenda: Wednesday.

Cuddy: Seriously?

Brenda: The temp agency sent someone, but she got lost.

Cuddy: Well, when she gets here, fire her.

(Scene cuts to House in a coma patient's room (same one as from Acceptance and TB or not TB methinks) performing some kind of test. He's giving the guy in a coma something and checking the results on a screen that's flashing with lots of blue and red lights)

House: [seemingly pleased with the results] Oh yeah!

Cuddy: [walks in] Did you issue this memo?

House: Look at that.

Cuddy: [has no idea what she's meant to see] Congratulations, the patient has been in a coma for 2 years and counting and still in a coma. This is not my signature, I don't know anything about this guy, I'm supposed to introduce him, have lunch? [Lots of red lights on the screen now] The coma patient has a migraine?

House: Oh no no no no, no I gave him medication to prevent a migraine.

Cuddy: That's a migraine, increased flow velocity in his cerebral arteries.

House: I did subsequently give him nitroglycerine which could possibly--

Cuddy: You induced a migraine headache in a coma patient?!

House: Gave him a little headache, similar to the one you're giving me now.

Cuddy: Have you even read an ethical guideline?

House: Well if you are to try out a new migraine prevention medication on someone who can actually feel pain...

Cuddy: Did you sign this?

House: Errr... yeah. [grabs his cane] We can talk later about the appropriate discipline [gives a low sexy growl and then limps out]

(Cut to Adam's body wrapped up protectively, he's still sedated)

Cameron: Because of the burn, we can't perform any of our normal tests to see what's wrong, so we're going to try a galvanometer.

[Chase and Foreman are attaching the galvanometer to Adam, attaching wires to his ankles and wrists with his feet and hands dipped in bowls of water]

Cameron: It picks up a pulse in the wrists and the ankles. Hopefully it'll tell us whether his heart rhythm is abnormal.

[Cameron is in the observation deck above with the parents]

Doug: What have I done to him? I...

Emily: It was an accident! So... he's got all these burns and err... and now there's something wrong with his heart?

Cameron: We're trying to figure out if the two were somehow connected. Had he been sick lately?

Emily: [both shake their heads] No, nothing.

Cameron: Anything unusual with his behaviour, had he been tired a lot?

Emily: Nothing.

Doug: He was great, he was happy, he was just having a great time and then...

Cameron: If he was experimenting with amphetamines or cocaine..?

Emily: No. We gave him some pot about a year ago to try--

Doug: It was just once. We thought if we took the mystery out of drugs and alcohol, the less he'd experiment.

Cameron: We'll know more after the test.

Doug: It looks like they're going to electrocute him [panics]

[In the room below]

Foreman: Plug it in.

Chase: You plug it in.

Foreman: Fine, give me the cord. [he plugs it in, the galvanometer starts drawing the heart waves on to the paper] Works. Prominent U waves.

Chase: And a bit of T wave. No eczema.

Foreman: Q wave normal. [looks again] That's not good.

[Adam suddenly starts to have a seizure]

Foreman: Chase! Turn it off! Turn it off!

Doug: What's happening?

Emily: What is that?

Chase: [into the intercom] Anesthetist get in here.

[Emily and Doug keep shouting as Cameron leaves the observation deck. Adam continues with his seizure]

(Cut to the Ducklings in front of the whiteboard in the conference room)

House: [walking in] Who electrocuted my patient?

Foreman: He had a seizure.

Cameron: He wasn't electrocuted.

House: [searching through some books on his shelves] What does the seizure tell us? [turns around to see Chase leaning against the desk] Move.

Cameron: What are you looking for?

House: Same as you - love, acceptance, solid return on investment. [searching the papers on the desk] Differential diagnosis, go.

Chase: Could be epilepsy or seizure disorder?

Cameron: Not with the tachycardia. It could be a virus in his brain.

Chase: Specificity is impressive. Adrenolukodystrophy.

Foreman: Could be MS, seizures could be caused by plaques and lesions on the brain.

House: [finally finds the file he was looking for on another table and picks it up] Well let's find out which, get an MRI. [walks out]

Foreman: No nuclear imaging. [House walks back] He wouldn't survive the move to radiology. MRI and CT scan are both out.

House: [big sigh] Ok. Lumbar puncture will tell us if his proteins are elevated and at least we can exclude MS. [walks out again]

Chase: Can't do a lumbar puncture either. [House walks back in again]

House: You're cramping my exits. Don't tell me, no skin on his spine.

Chase: We'd be inserting a needle into an area that's teeming with bacteria. If he doesn't have a brain infection already, we'd give him one for sure.

Cameron: There's no other way to look at a brain.

House: Transcranial doppler sonography.

Foreman: She said brain, not pregnant woman's uterus. They do sound alike.

House: I used one to look at a brain this morning.

Foreman: Why didn't you take the patient to radiology, get an MRI?

House: [looks behind to check if anyone's listening in] Obviously I was doing something illegal and using nuclear imaging would have raised questions.

Foreman: You're not going to get a diagnosis of MS from a sonogram!

House: Not definitively, but patients with MS have more reactive neurons in their occipital cortex. [he walks out yet again, but quickly peers back in] Ok then.

(Cut to Cuddy speaking in front of people at the lecture theatre)

Cuddy: Thank you for all coming to today's lecture by Dr Phillip Weber. Who is our guest today. At out hospital, to talk about... headaches. Dr Weber is at the Weber Center for Pain, that makes sense. [mutters]Weber, Weber. Erm, so please welcome Dr Weber.

[audience claps, camera pans to House sitting alone wearing his trucker cap from Sports Medicine, a green jacket, and sunglasses]

Weber: Thank you Dr... [pretends to check his file] Cuddy. [audience laughs. Cuddy pretends to smile but spares House a glare before exiting the lecture theatre] I suppose I should tell you err... a little bit more about myself.

[Wilson enters the hall and sits down next to House, he stares at House's strange outfit]

Weber: I went to school in Virginia. [hear him in the background]

Wilson: You've never been to one of these things in your life, who is this guy?

House: [shrugs] No idea.

Wilson: What's with the outfit?

House: Sudden chills, and light sensitivity. Inexplicable.

Weber: I received my medical degree at Johns Hopkins University, where I studied under Brightman and Gilmar.

Wilson: [looks thoughtful] Hmm! He must be good. You went to Hopkins and studied under Brightman and Gilmar.

House: Shhh...

Weber: This helped me to win the Doyle internship at the Mayo Clinic.

Wilson: You were supposed to get the Doyle internship. [he looks between House and Weber, suddenly realising] This guy's von Lieberman?! The guy got you thrown out for cheating?

House: The Dean threw me out. Von Lieberman just ratted on me.

Wilson: This guy's name is Weber, not von Lieberman.

House: I call him Weber von Lieberman. Way eviler. Shh.

Weber: --and the receptors have improved the acute treatment of migraines. To this point, the prevention of-- [in the background]

Wilson: So what's the plan? You going to wait 'til he bends over then make a fart sound?

House: I'm not here about the past, he's a bad scientist.

Wilson: Well you cheated off him, how bad can he be?

House: He got the answer wrong.

(Foreman and Chase and a male nurse preparing Adam for the sonogram. Male nurse is opening up Adam's eyes with metal propping-things to keep his eyes open. Parents and Cameron watching from the observation deck)

Doug: Are they trying to wake him up? They can't do that, right? He'd be in too much pain.

Cameron: Don't worry, he's still under, but the brain never completely sleeps, it's always working. Controlling your heart rate, breathing, temperature.

[Chase holds up cards with pictures on them in front of Adam's eyes, Foreman checks the effects on a screen and shakes his head]

Cameron: The eyes respond to visual stimuli, blood flow increases in certain areas in the brain and we contract that with the sonogram. With MS, blood vessels are more reactive so flow is faster. If Adam has an infection, they'd be swelling which would constrict the arteries, and the flow would be slower.

Foreman: [looks concerned] Chase. In the subarachnoid space. [Chase looks at the screen in alarm]

(Cut to Weber's lecture)

Weber: [writing on the whiteboard] Data from control subjects were analysed in a two-way anova with status and sinh within subject factors.

Wilson: Uhh... you stalked this guy for 20 years just for this shot to humiliate him?

House: Shh! I'm trying to learn.

Weber: --vessels without significant rebound. [background]

House: He doesn't even know what that means.

Wilson: You're going to interrupt him, aren't you?

House: If I have a question.

Wilson: And what's that going to accomplish?

House: Why can't you just enjoy this? Why can't you just be happy for me?

Wilson: You have got to find less debilitating outlets than humiliating people! I... hear bowling is more fun than stalking.

House: But I'm better at this.

Weber: If P is less than point zero... [door to the lecture theatre opens; Foreman quickly spots House and softly reports on Adam]

Wilson: Blow a ton of money on a plasma TV.

Foreman: We found a subarachnoid bleed.

House: Bleed in the head isn't causing seizures.

Wilson: It could be. 10% would damage the cerebral cortex and have seizure.

Foreman: Or bacterial meningitis.

Wilson: Viral encephalitis?

Foreman: There's no way to tell without--

House: [slightly too loud] Shut up!

Weber: [stops and turns around] Excuse me?

House: Not you.

Weber: You know if my lecture is interrupting your meeting I can wait.

House: Bahatchat kria. [Wilson furrows his eyebrows in confusion] As your people say in India, 'preciate it. [to Foreman] We'll figure out why later. And fix the bleed or he dies. Talk to you in a couple of hours [Foreman leaves, to Weber] Terimaki [he puts his hands together and nods his head in a gesture that clearly is supposed to mean thank you. The expression of confusion on Wilson's face is priceless.]

(Cut back to Adam)

[Chase is inserting a wire into Adam's femoral artery, Foreman is controlling the sonogram]

Chase: I'm in the subarachnoid space.

Foreman: Can you get it?

Chase: Think so. [After a moment] Put the probe back where I can see the wire!

Foreman: We're looking for the bleed--

Chase: Look when I get there! I'm flying blind without a contrast CT here!

(Cut back to Weber's lecture)

Weber: And with a P value of less than point zero zero one, we have strong statistical evidence that this drug prevents migraine headaches without daily administration.

House: Err... excuse me doctor.

Wilson: [mutters to House] He knows his field better than you do.

House: It's always been my understanding that err, unless you follow a daily regimen, no drug can prevent a migraine.

Weber: That's why they call it a breakthrough.

House: That's why YOU call it a breakthrough.

Weber: No, the... err pharmaceutical company sponsoring my clinical trials also hails it as a breakthrough.

House: I'm sure your wife and lawyer do too. Is there anybody who doesn't stand to make a fortune from it calling a breakthrough?

Weber: Who are you?

Wilson: [mutters to House] Just a lunatic who desperately needs a hobby.

House: And how exactly did these studies work? You give this drug to a bunch of people and if they don't get a migraine you go "voila, my drug works"? [points to a lady sitting a few rows below him] Erm, excuse me miss, uh do you have cancer? [she frowns in disbelief and shakes her head; House looks back up at Weber] Wow! [he points to the bottle she's been drinking from] Mango juice prevents cancer!

Weber: Uh perhaps I should have taken my medication before this lecture.

[House gives an incredibly loud and high-pitched fake laugh]

Weber: We had a very specific control group. Chronic migraine sufferers, I don't have time to go through all the maths right now but the incidence was dramatically--

House: Sure, in India. Two plus two equals five there, right?

Weber: Do I know you?

House: I know your math skills. They blow.

Wilson: [mutters] Touché.

Weber: You sound very familiar.

House: Why did you publish it in an obscure journal in India? Why not publish it in really really cool hit cases of South Philly?

Weber: Neuroscience New Delhi is a respected journal.

House: Yeah. The guy running Slurp 'N' Gulp tells me its one of the best.

Wilson: [mutters to House] Get a hooker. Anything.

House: See I'm thinking that publishing studies is probably the easiest way to get a pharmaceutical company to give you a reach around. And choosing a journal that no one can actually read well that's... that's shrewd. [Wilson is going facepalm beside him]

Weber: [has been walking up the steps closer and closer to House] I know I know you.

House: Sure you do. Dick.

Weber: The name's Phillip.

House: Oh, my bad. Something to do with your face. I always think your name is Dick.

Weber: [realises] House?!

House: Here.

Weber: Medical school was 20 years ago, give it a rest, grow up.

House: Yeah, you were always the grown-up. Do the responsible thing. Tattle tail!

Weber: You cheated!

House: I cheated then, you're cheating now! Your drug doesn't work.

Weber: Oh yes, you would like to believe that because it plays right in to your fantasy.

House: I tested it.

Weber: Oh really? What were your parameters? Where's your study?

House: [quickly looks over at Wilson] Room 2134.

Weber: One patient?

Wilson: [blurts out] The coma patient? [House gives Wilson a look]

Weber: You haven't changed a bit. You took shortcuts in Med school, you're taking shortcuts now. You cannot test this on an abnormal brain.

House: That's so close-minded. He's not abnormal, he's... special.

Weber: Cerebral cortex atrophies in coma patients. You need live conscious people. You don't know everything, House.

(Cut to Chase and Foreman in the room with the hyperbaric chamber, Adam is inside)

Foreman: Something that disrupts brain function. Plaques are perfect, interrupt neuron communication.

Chase: MS?

Foreman: No. MS is complicated, I think this is more basic. It's just tachycardia and seizures. How much longer the burn unit guys gonna keep him in that thing?

Cameron: [enters with scrubs on] Lecture's over, let's go. House wants to-- [she peers into the hyperbaric chamber and can see Adam's eyelids flicking open and close] Adam's waking up.

Foreman: [into the intercom] Get the anesthesiologist in here now!

Cameron: He's in pain.

Foreman: [looks in through the other window in the chamber] That's not pain. [back into the intercom] Need some help in here.

[In the chamber, Adam's gasping, his body is arching slightly and his eyelids are still flickering]

(Cut to House in his office)

[He ties a band around his upper arm and takes out a needle with which he injects some of Weber's miraculous migraine medicine into his own bloodstream. He reaches for the next bottle - nitroglycerin (which causes severe migraines) and he injects a measure of that into himself too. Loosening the band around his arm and taking it off, he sits back in his chair as Cameron enters the office]

Cameron: Adam had an orgasm.

House: What? You mean while he was se-- [he suddenly gasps in the middle of the word and slams his hand down hard on to the table. Cameron jumps a little in surprise. House's expression could really either be interpreted as immense pleasure of the orgasmic variety, or immense pain]

Cameron: What's wrong?

House: I'm having a migraine.

Cameron: Are you ok?

House: Hah. Yes. I was right. [a strong burst of pain hits him hard and he groans before pushing his clenched fists against his forehead]

(Cut to later, House in his office, all the blinds have been pulled to cover the place in darkness)

[Foreman is there using another needle to inject House with help for his migraine]

Foreman: It'll knock you out for a couple of hours.

House: [weakly] No, I got work to do. Just give me sumatriptan for the pain and Verapamil so it doesn't recur. I heard the patient had fun in the hyperbaric chamber.

Foreman: Yeah.

House: Gotta schedule me some time in there.

Foreman: [takes the bottle of Weber's cure from House's hand] Weber's meds aren't even legal in the US.

House: It’s legal in India. I was disoriented.

[Foreman finishes with the injections and House tries to stand up]

Foreman: Err moving around is a bad idea. Hey if you feel chest pain you need to let me know. Verapamil can cause congestive heart failure.

House: Nothing can hurt my heart.

[He enters into the conference room, Chase and Cameron immediately get up to switch off the lights and draw the blinds for House]

Foreman: Hey you're going to feel some dizziness, definitely going to be constipated.

House: Differential diagnosis for getting off. [sits himself down on a chair at the big table]

Cameron: Is he going to be ok?

Foreman: No, something's seriously wrong with him. [He draws a circle on the side of his forehead in the almost-universal gesture of a crazy person]

House: [pushes the chair aside and lies down on the floor under the table] Different diagnosis for ejaculation. [he takes a huge book off the table top and uses it as a pillow] Don't make me say that again.

Foreman: We're not stalling you, we just don't know. [The Ducklings all take seats around where their mentor lies]

House: Then guess.

Cameron: Could pain medication cause an orgasm?

House: I wish.

Chase: Maybe pain caused the orgasm. You get a tattoo; the brain releases endorphins which create pleasure.

Cameron: Most people don't orgasm from a needle prick.

House: Actually Chase has a point; the brain is like a huge train station. If the switches get-- [looks like the pain is back full swing, he gasps] you're the neurologist, talk for me.

Foreman: If sensory information got misinterpreted by the medial forebrain bundle, it's possible for bad to feel good and good to feel bad.

House: He's a lucky kid. Let's not fix him until the burns heal.

Chase: So what attacks the medial forebrain bundle?

Foreman: Infected neuropathies, vasculitic neuropathies

Cameron: Crab's disease, metachromatic leukodystrophy.

House: All very bad things. No way to look for any of them in his condition.

Cameron: Could be an infection.

Foreman: I said infection about 8 seconds ago.

Cameron: You listed some brain infections, but what if it's just a regular old infection festering in the burned skin?

Foreman: Pus on his arm isn't causing problems in the forebrain.

Cameron: He's on 20 different medications to manage his pain and his heart, how often he urinates. His brain is like a waiter that’s got too many--

House: Heyy! I do the metaphors.

Cameron: [sighs] The brain is stressed. An infection's elsewhere could put it over the edge.

Foreman: So we just wait for his burns to heal to see if you're right? If you're wrong, he doesn't have that kind of time.

House: Dominic Larry.

Chase: He another dead doctor?

House: He was Napoleon's Surgeon in Chief. Cleaned a lot of battle wounds.

Foreman: By amputating legs.

House: And with bugs.

(Cut to maggots being placed on Adam's chest all over his burns)

Cameron: Maggots are implanted directly into Adam's burns.

Doug: Maggots... they eat dead people, I...

Cameron: Maggots eat dead flesh, only dead flesh, so they're perfectly suited to clean wounds. They also kill the bacteria that thrive in injured tissues.

[Parents are looking fairly disgusted at the maggots crawling all over their son]

(Cut to House sitting in his office looking very haggard. He looks at his red coffee mug across the room and slowly gets up and limps along with his cane to try and get it)

[Wilson enters the office with a rather loud clanging of the blinds in place]

House: Ohh! [he grimaces]

Wilson: [standing there with hands on his hips] Dr Jekyll I presume, they found a half-eaten sheep in the zoo, police wanna ask you a few questions.

House: [points at the mug] Need something to wash it down.

Wilson: Coffee? Bad idea. [raises his voice deliberately so the volume almost sounds like shouting - obviously he's trying to torture poor House with his migraine] You're better off with water.

House: Coffee's closer.

Wilson: [grabs the mug before House and dashes off into the conference room] Fool-proof plan by the way. Either his meds would work and you'd be in psychic pain because von Evil is going to be rich; or they wouldn't, and you got to be in agony all day. [Wilson pours a glass of water for House, but takes all the teaspoons on the counter and dumps them into the sink deliberately with a LOUD clang. House grimaces again] Perfect lose-lose situation. Very you.

House: I had to prove--

Wilson: You proved nothing. [he hands House the glass of water]

House: Right. This isn't a migraine.

Wilson: Yeah. Dear New England Journal of Medicine, I took this guy's drug and still got a headache thus scientifically proving that my archenemy is an idiot. You just wanted the pain.

House: The meds are supposed to prevent migraine.

Wilson: You get distracted by pain, leaves less room for the things you don't want to think about, like the Flyers sucking or the price of gas or... ohh, the fact that you pushed the love of your life out of your life.

House: God I wish the pain [turns his head to give Wilson a pointed look] would go away.

Wilson: Next time you need to get your mind off, stick a needle into your eye. It's less annoying to the rest of us when you can still walk. [Wilson walks out; House grimaces once again at the sound of the blinds]

(Cut to the next morning, House is lying asleep on the floor)

Cameron: Did you sleep here?

House: [suddenly wakes up and looks at the Ducklings all looking worriedly at him] Lower.

Cameron: [whispers] Do you want a pillow?

House: Not softer, lower. Frequency of your voice is grating.

Foreman: You should have been better by now.

House: I'm super. Patient?

Cameron: The maggots did great for the burn [sighs] but the brainwaves are still all over the map.

House: Which means your regular old infection isn't causing his brain dysfunction, which means there's an underlying condition which means we gotta get inside his head. Do a lumbar puncture.

Chase: We've already established that we can't get a lumbar puncture.

House: C2, C3.

Foreman: No, no, NO way. I only saw a cervical tap once and that guy got paralysed.

House: Ask the parents if they prefer to have their son in a wheelchair, or dead.

(Cut to Foreman talking to the parents)

Foreman: Something's causing his brain to lose control. Eventually it'll shut off. We need to do a lumbar puncture to get some of the fluid in his spine so we can test it.

Emily: You need us to sign a consent?

Foreman: I have to warn you, there's a serious risk of paralysis, or death.

Doug: Are you saying we shouldn't do this?

Foreman: You have to do this.

Emily: Then why are you telling us what can go wrong?

Foreman: I just think you should know.

Emily: Either you're cruel or this is a way for you to cover your ass incase you cripple our son!

Doug: This isn't his fault.

Emily: No it's not; it’s yours, that's what you keep telling me! My son is lying in there half-dead I am just trying to find a way to get through this. [she signs the form quickly]

Doug: I'm sorry.

Emily: Yeah, I know. [she walks off]

(Cut to Adam, the last of the maggots are removed and they turn him on his side. Foreman starts to perform the cervical tap)

Foreman: Needle. [Chase passes it to him]

[Foreman tries to push it in but it won't go through]

Foreman: It’s not going in.

Chase: Don't force it.

Foreman: I'm going one space higher.

Chase: It's too close to his brain stem, it'll herniate. [Foreman looks determined] You're going to paralyse him!

Foreman: Not helping! [the monitors start beeping]

Chase: His blood pressure's spiking, stop!

Foreman: I'm getting it.

Chase: He's 180 over 120, he's going to stroke!

Foreman: I'm in the space, give me the vial. [Chase quickly does so and they collect the spinal fluid. The monitors stop beeping]

(Cut to House sitting alone on the balcony, a blanket covering the lower half of his body. He looks tired and haggard)

[Foreman walks out to join him]

Foreman: He doesn't have MS or an infection.

House: His proteins aren't elevated?

Foreman: Wrong protein. IGM, not IGG. Elevation was probably caused by the bleed.

House: What if there was tingling in his extremities prior to the crash?

Foreman: How can you still be on MS?

House: I gotta be on something. Something's interrupting his neurons chitchat like lesions.

Foreman: We can't scan for them, the only test we can do, we just did and it was negative. He has no tingling, no numbness. And you read his history, parents didn't say anything about--

House: What about Adam?

Foreman: We can't look into his brain but you want us to read his mind?

House: Good point.

(Cut to some doctors/nurses taking care of Adam, House walks in with scrubs on)

House: Yeah, you can finish the sponge bath in a minute.

Anesthesiologist: They're just re-doing his dressings. He's out. He's fine.

[some of the little doctors move out of the room]

House: I didn't page you to put him out; I paged you to wake him up. Why are these lights so damn bright?

[one of the little doctors switches off some of the lights and leaves House and the Anesthesiologist together with Adam]

House: Thank you. Come on, I need to talk to him.

Anesthesiologist: House, you can't wake up a burn victim to play 20 questions. It's torture.

House: He won't remember.

Anesthesiologist: He's going to be in extraordinary pain!

House: God you're good, you're putting me to sleep! I know he's going to be in pain, I know you disapprove, I'm his attending. Wake him up.

[The Anesthesiologist looks pissed but reluctantly injects something to wake Adam up. Adam's eyes slowly flicker open. He looks overwhelmed with pain]

Adam: Oh my god!

House: I'm Doctor House.

Adam: It hurts!

House: It's going to get a lot worse so answer fast. Before the accident did you experience any numbness or tingling in your fingers? [Adam looks down at the burns on his chest, he's panicking and scared and in a LOT of pain] You got burned, it's healing. I need an answer!

Adam: It really hurts!

House: Any tingling in your arms or legs?

Adam: Can you do something? I can't..!

House: Adam! You gotta listen to me! Did you feel anything?

Adam: [screams in pain] Pissed my pants and... then... I don't remember [screams again very loudly, they inject something to sedate him again]

(Cut to House walking out into the corridors still with scrubs on. Cameron is waiting for him)

Cameron: Is he ok?

House: Get everyone in my office. [he limps past her]

Cameron: Where are you going?

House: Kid's screaming gave me a headache. Gotta take an aspirin.

(Cut to the SHOWER SCENE)

[House is naked under the shower; we see him very wet and relaxing under the shower spray. The shower goes off, he pulls the towel from the top of the door and opens the door. He steps out and wraps the towel around his waist, then limps to sit down on the bench in the locker room. He hunches over and rests his arms on his knees then stares down at the floor. A droplet of water from his face drops to the floor and turns a bright blue colour. This then proceeds to turn red and look very psychedelic and has 3D bubbling things]

Cameron: House, you ok? We've been waiting for you.

House: [slowly looks up at her] I'm hallucinating.

Cameron: [she puts her stuff down hurriedly] Hallucinations with migraines are pretty uncommon. [she checks his pupils] What did you see?

House: I saw music.

Cameron: Sensory deception makes no sense.

House: Shhh... [we see Cameron from House's eyes, she's all blurred up. We also hear her from House's ears and she echoes badly]

Cameron: You took something. The kid's fighting for his life!

[House looks very high and doesn't seem to really care at all. She walks out in a huff, House lies back against the wall in his high state]

(Cut to Cameron in the conference room, Foreman and Chase walk in)

Foreman: Hey, you find him?

Cameron: He was hallucinating in the locker room.

Foreman: He ok?

Cameron: He's feeling no pain, he is high.

Chase: Vicodin high?

Cameron: Past that. He's seeing sounds. Took something.

[Suddenly, House walks in. He looks alert and completely out of pain as well as definitely not being high either]

House: Why's it so dark in here? Beautiful day outside, open the shades, let the sun shine in.

Cameron: Its night time.

House: It’s still Tuesday, right?

Foreman: You look better.

House: I took something.

Foreman: Mind if I ask what?

House: Err... a little of this, little of that. And I was wrong with our patient, he's depressed.

Cameron: He told you that when you woke him up?

House: Nope. Told me he pissed his pants and he blacked out.

Foreman: That's not diagnostic of depression. Lack of appetite, isolating yourself--

House: Uncontrollable urination and blacking out are good predictors of what?

Cameron: Seizure.

House: Which means the seizure he had when you tested his heart was at least a second seizure.

Foreman: So what? Depression and seizures aren't correlated.

House: No, but you know what is? Depression and anti-depression medicine.

Chase: Tox screen was clean.

House: Yeah, but you know how much crap he's got in his system from dealing with those burns, the guy could have the Spanish Armada floating through his bloodstream and we wouldn't know about it. Until they started firing cannons.

Foreman: Antidepressants have been known to cause seizures in kids but not orgasms. This is a brain in trouble.

House: This is a brain with too much serotonin.

Cameron: Serotonin affects mood, appetite, it doesn't cause a brain to shut down.

House: Antidepressants fake brains into thinking they have more serotonin than they actually do. Every 10 million or so cases, sets off a chain reaction. Produces too much, enough to fry itself.

Foreman: If Adam has Serotonin Storm, it’s deadly.

Chase: But treatable. Cyproheptadine.

Cameron: Unless he doesn't have Serotonin Storm, he could just as easily have too much dopamine as serotonin, but if it's dopamine the cyproheptadine will kill him.

[House is about walk out of the office]

Chase: Where are you going?

House: Going to talk to the kid again, seems nice.

Cameron: You can't.

House: Why? Did he say he doesn't like me?

Cameron: Anesthesiologist told the parents what you did.

House: Everyone's a tattle tail [he switches off the lights in the office and leaves]

(House walks up to the parents sitting together on a couch)

House: Is your son depressed?

Emily: No, who are you?

House: I'm doctor House.

Emily: Oh you're the idiot who thought that--

Doug: I heard him screaming all the way down the hallway!

House: If I didn't wake him, I wouldn't have learned what caused the crash. We think he had a seizure.

Doug: [long pause] This wasn't my fault?

House: Well if he hadn't had the brain problem, he wouldn't have the burns. On the other hand, if you hadn't put him on the ATV, he also wouldn't have the burns. You can debate your personal responsibility after I leave. I need to wake him up again. I need to know if he's taking antidepressants.

Emily: He's not.

Doug: He's the happiest kid I know.

House: But you don't know, do you?

Doug: He's my son.

House: Hmm... that's sorta my point. At sixteen, they'll tell anyone anything, except their parents.

Emily: Adam talks to us about everything.

House: Yeah, I know about the pot and the cocaine.

Emily: There was never... cocaine!

House: You sure? Are you having him followed?

Emily: He told us when he got drunk at a party; he told us when he started having sex--

House: Sixteen. Way to go.

Emily: He told us when he cheated on a math test; he told us when his girlfriend cheated on him! He doesn't hide anything from us.

House: But if he was depressed...

Emily: He'd tell us. We don't judge, he's not depressed, we're sure.

House: Bet-his-life-on-it sure? Just hypothetically.

Doug: Yeah.

House: Okay.

(Cut to House walking back to the Ducklings in the conference room)

House: Kid's happy. Happy happy happy.

Cameron: Then we're back to where we started. Seizure disorders.

House: Seizure disorders aren't causing orgasms.

Chase: Vascular malformations?

House: Would have seen it on the sonogram.

Foreman: Hepatic encephalopathy?

House: [shakes his head] Liver enzyme tests were normal. [he looks like he's thought of something and gets up to go out again]

Cameron: Where are you going?

House: To take a leak.

(Cut to Adam's room, House has scrubbed in and is washing his hands in the prep room)

[The parents anxiously walk in]

Doug: What are you doing?

House: Can't come in here, you're not sterile.

Emily: Don't touch our son, we told you!

House: Seriously, millions of bacteria, microbes on you. He'll die of sepsis.

Emily: If you go in there...

[House tauntingly steps into the room backwards while the parents watch him; Doug quickly runs off and runs back down the corridor with Foreman]

Doug: I think he's going to wake him up again!

Foreman: I know he is. [he rushes into the prep room and quickly tries to wash his hands] House! You can't do this!

House: Oh if I had a nickel for every time I've heard that. Relax. Are they going to sue us? If I'm right, I save his life. If I'm wrong, he's dead no matter what I do. Either way, how much have I really hurt them? [House has loaded up a syringe with whatever it is he plans to inject Adam with]

Emily: [from outside the room] Leave him alone!

[Foreman runs in and places himself next to the kid, desperately trying to stop House]

House: You're not sterile, do you want to kill the kid?

Foreman: Give me the syringe.

House: [prepares to use the syringe] No pain, no gain.

Foreman: Hey! [he grabs House's arm] You gotta stop this!

House: [has paused by that point and is inspecting something on Adam's wrist] They're right, he's not depressed.

Foreman: Yeah sure, I'm not letting you go until you give me that syringe.

House: What's that on his wrist?

Foreman: [looks down at it - it's a circular burn mark on Adam's wrist in the middle of what is otherwise unblemished skin] A burn.

House: Why on his wrist?

Foreman: Why not on his wrist?

House: His back, his torso, everything's a mess, forearms are clean. Except right there.

Foreman: So what?

House: It's a perfect circle.

Foreman: So a drop of burning gasoline fell on his wrist, a screw from the ATV [he manages to finally get the syringe from House]

House: Maybe. [he inspects Adam's fingers and finds a yellow nicotine stain on the side of Adam's middle finger]

(Cut to House walking out of Adam's room - he doesn't have his cane and is grabbing his leg as he limps)

Emily: Why are you torturing him?

House: Does your son smoke?

Doug: I'd kill him.

House: [smiles] So, he talks to you about sex, crack, anything except cigarettes. He has a cigarette burn on his wrist, also a fading nicotine stain between two fingers. Bad news, your son has a filthy unhealthy habit. Good news, he's trying to quit. Bad news, the quitting is killing him. Good news, I can cure him. Bad news... nope, that's the end of it.

Emily: Quitting smoking can kill?

House: No-smoke meds are antidepressants. Crappy ones you can get over the internet are loaded with whatever antidepressants they can get cheap, pisses mommy and daddy off so they can't take him to a pediatrician. [Foreman walks out and hands House his cane] Sorry I was wrong about him being depressed. [to Foreman] Treat him.

(Cut to House playing with the ball as he sits in his chair in the office staring out the window)

Cuddy: [walking in] Hey, did you drop acid?

House: [swivels his chair around] Why would I do that?

Cuddy: To annoy me, or maybe because you're miserable, or... because you... want to self-destruct. Pick one.

House: How about because LSD acts on serotonin receptors in the brain which can stop a migraine in its tracks? I'm just saying that's also a possibility. How did you know about it?

Cuddy: Cameron is worried about you. I told her that LSD lasts up to 12 hours; if you were functional she must be wrong.

House: Well, either that or I also took a whole bunch of antidepressants which short-circuited the LSD. I'm just saying that would also explain it.

[Weber suddenly bursts into House's office angrily]

Weber: Thank you for ruining my clinical trials. Pharmaceutical company is shutting me down.

House: You're kidding, really?

Weber: How could that surprise you? You sent them an email complaining about my math, telling them about your stunt.

House: I didn't know people actually read emails. The delete button is so conveniently located--

Weber: So what's next? You going to follow me my whole life? Torture me?

House: Why would I do that?

Weber: You waited 20 years to do this. What's next? Break up my marriage?

House: No. We're even.

Weber: Right. [he starts to walk out, then looks at Cuddy] Oh thanks, for setting me up. [he walks out, Cuddy gives a disbelieving look]

House: An eye for an eye, LSD and antidepressants. Everything in balance. [he starts tossing the ball into the air and then catching it] Buddhists call it karma and Christians call it the golden rule, Jews call it... [Cuddy gives inquiring look] I don't know. Rabbi Hillel said something poignant. Universe always settles the score.

Cuddy: Does it?

House: No, but it should.

(Cut to Adam on his bed looking much better, parents standing outside the room looking in)

Doug: Do you think you'll ever be able to look at him and not blame me?

Emily: Yeah. Will you?

[Adam opens his eyes and turns over to look at them. They all smile at each other]

(Cut to House sitting alone in his home. its night time, he's fiddling with his cane)

[There's a knock at the door. House finishes his drink (brandy?) and gets up. He hesitates a moment at the door before opening it. We see from the back that the person standing at the door has long black hair]

Stranger at the door: I'm Paula.

House: Hey Paula.

[We now see Paula who is a beautiful young lady]

Paula: How you doing? You work over at the college? Or are you full-time over at the--

House: I'm looking for a distraction. You don't need to talk to do that, do you?

[Paula smiles, shakes her head and walks in; House closes the door behind her]


THE END

Season 2 X 11 : Need to Know

Original Airdate: 2/7/2006
Written by: Pamela Davis
Directed by: David Semel
Transcript by: Kat


BEGINNING

Mom: Hi, kids.

Daughter: Mommy, look what I made.

Mom: Oh, wow. It's a farmer and a cow and some horses. It's beautiful.

Daughter: It's for Ted's office.

Mom: Oh, he's gonna love it. And it would be nice if you called him Dad. [Daughter nods.] Give me a big hug.

[cut to kitchen]

Mom [to a friend]: The secret is the Haas avocados. I can e-mail you the recipe if you want. [cell phone rings, she answers it] Oh, this is the third time they've changed plans since Friday. These idiots think you can just add a 14th floor and the mayor won't notice.

Friend: I thought turning the garage into a nursery was complicated. Any luck on your end yet?

Mom: Not for lack of trying. [smiles and goes into living room] Ted. [turns off the game on TV]

Friends: Come on!

Mom: I have to go tell a client he's an idiot.

Ted: Go kick some ass.

Mom: I have to take Stella to karate by 3:00 and birthday party at Jia's after. [looks at her arm]

Ted: You okay?

Mom: Yeah, I'll be back. Just make sure she's dressed. [goes to car] Ah! [arm seems to be twitching. Gets into car; whole body starts twitching and leg involuntarily hits the gas pedal. The car crashes through the garage door]

[Ted comes out into garage] Honey! [Mom is crying and body is twitching uncontrollably, like a waking seizure. She looks at him like, help me!]

[Opening credits]

[House walks into hospital, steps aside for an old lady, and is whistling.]

Cuddy: He's actually on time.

Wilson: He's six minutes early.

Cuddy: Something's happened.

Wilson: I'm on it. [goes after House]

House: Morning, Jimmy. Anybody die while I was gone?

Wilson: Did -- did you iron your shirt?

House: Thought about shaving. Couldn't find a razor.

Wilson: What the hell happened in Baltimore?

House: Sorry, chief. Never kiss and tell. [they get into elevator]

Wilson: [nodding] I think you just did.

[next floor]

Wilson: there's no such thing as "just a kiss."

House: Did you iron *your* shirt? Everybody's flash today.

Wilson: Has she left Mark? Is she going to?

House [pointing down hall]: I think I can hear cancer kids calling.

Wilson: Are you planning on asking her to leave Mark?

House: Not sure. Cameron keeps my calendar.

Wilson: Hey. This is a big deal. This is an affair. Have you even talked to Stacy about what the hell this means?

House: Didn't have a lot of time for talking. [blatant wink] If you know what I mean.

Wilson: Great. Breaking up a marriage. Fertile ground for high comedy. We need to talk about this. [footsteps...Cameron approaching]

House: Gosh, wish I could. [to Cameron:] How did the HIV test go? Did you study up?

Cam: I rescheduled for this afternoon. We have a new patient. 34-year-old female. Movement disorder.

House: Movement disorder? Fascinating.

Wilson: This isn't just gonna go away.

House: No. But maybe you will.

[House's conference room:]

Foreman: Probably suffered head trauma in the car accident. Trauma leads to the dyskinesia.

Cam: According to her husband, the flailing started before she got anywhere near that car.

House: What does the flailing look like?

Chase: Her arms spasm uncontrollably and there's a mild facial twitch.

House: Demonstration?

Foreman [impatiently]: You wanna know what it looks like, go see the patient.

House: Ooo, snarky. Was he like this the whole time I was gone?

Cam: Patient's been on a fertility regimen for the last 13 months. Excess estrogen in the system could explain--

House [holding up empty box]: Who finished the animal crackers?

Foreman: Sudden movement disorder could be a symptom of Huntington's.

House [sarcastic motherly voice]: If you finish something, don't just put back the empty box, throw it out. [ducklings roll their eyes]

Cam: Huntington's takes a day to confirm. We should put her on Tamoxifen in case it is the fertility meds. Counteract the estrogen.

House: It's a great idea, if you want to kill her baby. [writes "Pregnancy" on board] Movement disorder can present in the first trimester.

Foreman: She's not pregnant.

House: Peeing on a stick is only 99% accurate. Get a real pregnancy test. You know, the one with the blood and the hormones and the rabbit. [Foreman looks put off] Oh, I'm sorry. It's still your limo. Whaddya say, Miss Daisy?

Foreman: Whatever you want.

House: Lame duck's done quacking.

Foreman: You quack, people shoot at you. Cuddy just put me here to make you miserable. Another two days, you can go back to making yourself miserable.

House: Okay. Get an MRI. See if it's in her head, or her uterus. [they start to go] You're gonna want to paralyze her. [they pause, stare at him] You run tests on a flailer, somebody's gonna lose an eye.

[patient's room]

Mom: You think I'm pregnant?

Cam: We need to find out for sure.

Ted: Would all this go away once she delivered?

Foreman: It could also be neurological. We need to get an MRI.

Ted: Can she do that if she's pregnant?

Cam: The risk to the fetus is extremely low.

Mom: But there is a risk. [Cam nods] I-I dont' think we should do it until we're sure.

[husband nods, she spasms]Ah! [daughter looks scared] Ted, I think you should take Stella home.

Ted: I want to stay here. We should be with you. [mom continues flailing]

Foreman: You should take her out of the room. We're going to temporarily stop Margo's spasms.

Ted: You can do that?

Foreman: Vecuronium. It's a paralytic. Essentially cuts off the brain from the muscles.

[he sees daughter is crying] Don't worry. Your mom will be just fine.

Cam: It'll make running the tests easier. And it won't be dangerous for the baby if you are pregnant.

Ted: Let's go, Stella.

Stella: I want to be with Mommy.

Ted: We'll be just outside, okay? [Margo smiles at Stella] We gotta let the doctors get her better, alright?

Margo: It's okay, sweetie.

Stella: [over her shoulder] Love you.

Margo: Love you.

Wilson: Your vitals will be watched closely. I'm going to close your lids so your eyes don't dry out. [he closes them with his fingers like you would a dead person] Just try to relax.

[Stacy's office]

Wilson [enters]: What the hell did you do? Were you just cold and lonely?

Stacy [sighs]: Course he told you, he's an 8-year-old boy.

Wilson: Hey, you're the one who kissed him.

Stacy: Why are you so worked up over this?

Wilson: Because you're married.

Stacy: Not to you. [Wilson's jaw drops] This is none of your business.

Wilson: The last time you left, I was the one stuck picking up the pieces.

Stacy: Oh right. He cried himself to sleep every night. That so sounds like him.

Wilson: He's been *pining* for five years!

Stacy: You're being dramatic.

Wilson: No. Actually, I'm underplaying. This is me being restrained.

Stacy: It was one kiss.

Wilson: Are you being intentionally thick? [she puts her pen down] This was not just a one-night stand. You can't toy with him.

Stacy [emphatically]: I'm not. [sighs] He's probably toying with me. I do--I don't know what I'm doing.

Wilson [shakes his head]: Oh, boy.

[Patient's room, Margo opens her eyes]

Cam: Welcome back to the world. You're off the vecuronium. [Margo looks sleepy]

Foreman: could you wiggle your toes for me? [she does] [Ted and stella get up from a chair.]

Cam: The MRI was clear. [looks at Ted] Whatever this is isn't in your brain.

Margo: The MRI...so I'm not pregnant? [looks at Ted]

Cam: I'm sorry.

Margo: So what do we do next?

Foreman: It could be a variety of things. [Margo takes Ted's hand, her hand spasms a little] Some treatable. Others more serious. [approaches her mouth with a cheek swab] Open up. We're gonna run a genetic test for Huntington's.

Ted: That one of the more serious ones?

Foreman [nods]: Yeah.

Cam: It's also possible that this is just a symptom of the fertility treatments. Now that we know you're not pregnant, we're going to start you on Tamoxifen to counteract the estrogen.

Margo: Will that undo all the fertility treatments?

Foreman: For the time being, yeah. But it could cure you.

[Margo looks at Ted who smiles]

Cam: You can start trying again once we get you healthy.

[Margo's arm spasms making her drop the Tamoxifen cup]

Margo: DAMN IT!

Cam: The spasms are going to get worse now that the vecuronium's wearing off.

Margo [looking at Stella, demands sharply]: What are you so scared of? I'm still your mother, I'm just a little sick. [to Ted] Why did you even bring her here? I told you to leave her at home! [turns over and away from them. Ted comforts Stella who looks upset. Wilson and Cam look puzzled.]

[Conference room:]

Foreman: Hypervigilance, sudden irritability...

House: Symptomatic of...lunch with Cuddy?

Foreman: The patient now defines Huntington's.

House: Then what do you need me for? Start her on Huntington's meds.

Cam: Before we get her test results back? If we start her on Valproic acid, it could destroy her liver.

Chase: Could stroke.

House: If we wait, she could progress to full blown psychosis. Then her kid will never get the chance to say goodbye. [to Chase:] Wanna tell the class how that feels?

Chase: Huntington's patients don't progress to psychosis in a day.

House: She went from 0 to 60 in world-record time. [Foreman's beeper goes off]

Chase: Indicating it might be something other than Huntington's.

Foreman: We got a problem.

[cut to patient's room where Margo is using her IV stand as a weapon]

Margo: Stay away from me! Where's my daughter?

Ted: What's happening?

Foreman: She's having a psychotic break.

Margo [jabbing at Chase]: No! She's not yours! What do you want with her?

Cam: Calm down!

Ted: Honey...

Chase: Margo, you're gonna hurt someone.

Margo: No! *swings IV stand around and breaks the plate glass window behind her. Chase and Foreman move in and grab her*

Chase [struggling to restain her]: Push two milligrams Ativan!

Margo [struggling, yelling:] I want my daughter! She's not yours! I want my daughter. No more experiments. No! [they give her Ativan, she loses consciousness]

[commercial break]

Cam: How can her Huntington's test be negative?

Foreman: All the signs are there. Movement disorder, psychosis... It should be Huntington's.

House: Yeah. That'd certainly make your job easier. Well good news for Margo, it's not Huntington's. Bad news for us. The psychotic break eliminates fertility meds. Which means we have no idea what's wrong with her. [sighs impatiently and shakes hands at the white board] We give you so much, and you give so little!

Foreman: You know patient is prime age to develop spontaneous schizophrenia.

Cam: Almost impossible. No family history of mental illness.

Chase: How about toxins?

Cam: None of her family members are sick. Nobody at her office, her volunteer group, kid's classes, and PTA members. [throws up hands] All fine.

House: So she raises a daughter, runs a business, she does charity work, she volunteers at school, attends PTA. What makes mommy run?

Chase: You're thinking drugs?

House: Cocaine. [all but Chase roll eyes] Explains the psychosis and the flailing. And the uncanny ability to bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never ever let Teddy forget that he's a man.

Cam: I'll go look for her stash.

House: Take Foreman. There's gotta be a reason for the stereotype.

[Wilson's office]

House [tries door, then knocks]: I know you're in there. I can hear you caring.

[no answer, he goes around to the balcony, comes in that door, startling Wilson]

House: The door was locked.

Wilson: Means I didn't want to see anyone. [he's rolling joints]

House [eyebrows raised]: High school reunion?

Wilson: It's for a patient. She can't roll. [looks to balcony] Now lock that door, too.

House: Paranoia. Must be the good stuff. [sniffs] Times like these I wish I had cancer. So what did she say?

Wilson: That depends. What did you do, and who are we talking about?

House: We both know that as soon as we talked you ran to Stacy so you could gossip and giggle. I need to know what she said.

Wilson: I have a crazy idea: why don't you go talk to her?

House: Because my bestest buddy says that could lead to trouble.

[they regard each other]

Wilson: She sounds confused, but I dont' think she is. I think she's waiting for you to do something to show her you're serious.

House [raises eyebrows briefly]: Wow. It's a big jump from infidelity is morally wrong to "do her."

Wilson: I didn't say *do* her. I said do *something.*

House: What exactly did she say?

Wilson: She didn't say it was a mistake.

House: She's not gonna leave Mark in the middle of his rehab. Too much guilt.

Wilson: She left you.

House: Harsh toke, dude.

[House gets up to go]

Wilson: House. [House turns, Wilson gestures 'come here', and House takes a joint from his pocket and puts it on the table]

House: Killjoy.

[Margo's house]

Foreman: I could've covered this. You need to get that test today.

Cam: I wish you guys'd remember my birthday instead of my HIV test.

Foreman: Forgive us for being concerned. I got a bet with House. [Cam makes a face] He says you're too scared to get it, I say you're too anal not to. [Cam rolls her eyes] I'll cut you in.

[outside]

Cam: That was a colossal waste.

Foreman: Who would've known? Searching a high-end family home for illicit narcotics was such an obvious choice.

Cam [seeing the car]: Working moms practically live in their cars.

Foreman: Little bump on the run?

Cam: You were a car thief right? [Foreman gives her a face and tries the door; it's open] Ha. [Cam sits in the driver's seat and reaches for a pill bottle] Momma's little helper.

[back at hospital]

Cam: House! Ritalin.

House [examining bottle]: Cocaine with a PG rating.

Foreman: Prescribed to her daughter.

House: Mommy does everything for her family these days. Even swallows their pills.

Foreman: It's possible the kid's meds are the kid's meds.

House: Pop enough Ritalin, it can explain everything.

Foreman: Well, Ritalin maybe explains some tics, some involuntary--

House [shakes head]: No, case reports have referred to chorea. She's been cut off from her stash, so the flailing's tapered off and the psychosis hasn't returned. It's perfect.

Foreman: Tox screen will confirm that.

House: Half-life's 12 hours. The drugs'll be out of her system. We're done. Get rid of her.

Foreman: We're not done. We have to confirm the diagnosis before we send her home to die of something else.

House: Oh yes, the power tastes so sweet. You just can't resist.You're like a diabetic at the ice cream counter. You want to say no, but you need that chocolaty goodness.

Foreman: Yeah. Well, I'm still signing the charts. So until tomorrow, you're not allowed to kill anyone. [walks away]

House: Wuss.

Cam: We've asked her three times if she's on any meds.

House: So we don't ask *her.*

[Patient's room; a long red balloon emerges with House following.]

House: Candy striper. [hooks chair with his cane, pulls it to himself] [to Stella:] So, you like dogs? [Stella nods. House whistles; bends the balloon into...a shape.]

Stella: That's not a dog.

House [to parents]: Smart kid. [to Stella:] Are you always such a good little girl? Or does mommy sometimes say you're the reason she needs a double martini?

Margo: Who are you?

House [to Stella]: Over here, kiddo. I'm talking to you. Focus. It must be because you're off your meds.

Margo [sits up]: Who *are* you?

House [winks]: Doctor *and* candy striper.

Ted: She's not on any medication.

House: Well that's strange, because this bottle has her name on it. [shakes it] And I think these are medical pills inside.

Ted: What's he talking about?

Margo: Doctor prescribed Stella...a few months ago. I never told you about it because I never gave her any.

House: Hmm. That's funny, 'cause the bottle's almost empty. [to Stella:] You missed a couple of days. Take five.

Margo: Stop.

House: Why? Unless they're not hers. [to Stella:] You need some water, sweetie?

Margo: I'm not taking Ritalin.

House: Come on. All the cool moms are doing it. And tox screen says you're cool too. [pulls out paper and holds it out to her]

Ted: You were on drugs while taking care of Stella?

Margo: [looks about to deny it, then says] I'm sorry, Ted. [House unfolds the paper and holds it in front of her face] It's a cafeteria menu.

House [to Ted]: Should take a couple of hours to process her. Then you can take her home and divorce her.

[shot of House musing in his office]

[cut to Stacy's office, door opens, House sticks his head in]

House: Working late? Or you just avoiding Mark?

Stacy: It was one kiss, Greg.

House: So far. [comes in] I'm planning on keeping a chart.

Stacy: I'm moving back to Short Hills, I think it's time.

House: You're leaving?

Stacy: It's never meant to be permanent. And now that Mark's getting better...

House: Yeah. Much better. Except for the whole walking thing.

Stacy: He needs to get back to work. [turns away]

House: Right. Saving the next generation from making bad choices about acne cream. You're running away because the kiss meant something.

Stacy: I'm not running away. I'm going home.

House: With Mark.

Stacy: I love Mark.

House [comes around desk]: You love me more. [they stare at each other] I don't want you to leave.

[cut to hospital lobby, Stella running towards her mom who gets out of a wheelchair]

Margo [to Ted]: Are we okay? [Ted nods & smiles.] I'm sorry.

Ted: Let's just get you home.

Margo [nods]: That's a good idea. [she pauses. CG of a clot lodging in a vein, she passes out.]

Stella: Mommy!

Ted: Hey!

Cam [who just happens to be walking by]: Call the code.

Stella: What's wrong, Mommy?

Ted: What's going on? [Cam takes her pulse]

[cut to House's bedroom, phone rings, he turns on the light. The camera pans and we see he's shirtless in bed as he answers it.]

House: This better be important.

Cam: You've gotta come back in.

House: No I don't.

Cam: Margo's stable, but--

House: Oh, my God. Well, I'll be right there.

Cam: She had a stroke.

House [squints eyes]: Perfect. [hangs up, sighs] Gotta go back to work. [camera pans as he turns around and we see Stacy in his bed.]

Stacy: Right now?

House [turns over, smiles at her. We see Stacy is topless too]: Well, patient's stable. [raises eyebrows] Could maybe wait a half hour. [she smiles, he puts his arm around her, kisses her, they go back to sexing]

[commercial break]

[House's conference room]

Cam: He should have been here 20 minutes ago.

Chase: Doubt if he makes it at all. I saw him leave with Stacy.

Cam: He's probably just walking her to her car.

Chase: Oh, yeah. That sounds like House.

Cam: He's not an idiot. He's not gonna hook up with a married woman.

Foreman: I hope he is getting some. Maybe he'll mellow out.

[House singing as he comes in]

Cam: What took you so long? It's midnight.

House: Traffic. Cinco de Mayo. [to Foreman:] You owe me 100 bucks.

Foreman [to Cameron]: You didn't take the test?

House: Fear trumps anal every time.

Cam: It's not a big deal. I had the viral load and antibody tests. It's 99.9% that I don't have HIV.

HOuse: You have the test and it's negative, you gain a tenth of a point. But if it's positive you lose ... nearly 100, right?

Cam: No arrhythmia. So Ritalin isn't the big problem. Something else is going on.

House: Fine. Let's play doctors.

Chase: I removed the clot which caused the stroke. Problem is, we don't know where it came from.

Cam: Did ultrasounds of her heart, arms, and legs. All clear.

Foreman: Could be a protein C deficiency.

Cam: Wouldn't explain the movement disorder.

House: Nothing explains everything. What if it's a crime syndicate? Let's say Ritalin and the fertility meds plotted a caper. Ritalin takes care of the psychosis, the flailing--

Foreman: I still don't think Ritalin--

House: Ferility meds are competitive by nature. They gotta do something bigger. Something really unexpected.

Cam: Fertility treatments have been known to cause endometrial cancer.

Chase: Which could cause clots. Which could have caused her to stroke.

House: So ultrasound her uterus this time. See if there's something growing in there that doesn't look adorable in a onesie. [they all get up and walk toward the door]

House: Cameron. [she turns] I love you. [her jaw drops; he swabs her cheek] Get your test results tomorrow. [she looks bewildered and leaves]

[cut to roof, sunrise]

Stacy [opens door holding piece of paper, House smiles at her]: The prescription for my heart condition. A bit on the cheesy side.

House: I was trying for romantic. [they smile at each other and hug] Still fits.

Stacy [smiling]: Mmm.

House: Did you tell Mark?

Stacy [her smile fades]: I told him I had to work late.

House [his smile fades, he pulls back]: You going to tell him?

Stacy: How am I going to tell him? Still working on that phrasing. How about, 'Know all that stuff you were worried about when we first came here, honey? you were right.'

House: Pithy.

Stacy: Everything's easy when you don't care if you hurt anyone.

House: You already did the hurting part. He just doesn't know it yet.

Stacy: If I never tell him, it'll never hurt. [House's brow furrows.] I want not to love Mark. I want to hate you. I want all of this to be simple, but it's not.

House [nods, looks around, then back at her]: You can either have a life with me, or you can have a life with him. It can't be both. It's not easy. But it is simple. [she nods]

[cut to House exiting elevator, trio approaching]

Cam: No endometrial thickening, no masses.

Foreman: No cancer.

House: She's on fertility treatments. She had a blood clot. It's there.

Chase: Millions of women are on fertility treatments, and they don't get cancer.

House: Right. They get babies. She had a blood clot and a stroke. She'll get another one and probably die if we don't find that tumor. Do an endometrial biopsy.

Foreman: Biopsy's painful and unnecessary. We just did an ultrasound.

[House squints and checks his watch]

Foreman: What?

House: Shh.

Cam: If you have a personal issue that's interfering with--

House: Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Foreman: What are we waiting for?

House: Your four weeks just expired. Your reign of terror is over.Mine is just begun. Now go stick a needle up her hoo-hoo and find that cancer. [goes into his office]

[Foreman shakes his head, smiling]

Chase: Hoo-hoo?

Foreman: He went to Hopkins.

[Chase looks puzzled, like he doesn't know how that's supposed to clarify 'hoo-hoo'; I don't either.]

[House's office. He's watching monster trucks on TV with his brown hi-top Converse up on a table.]

Commentator 1: ...has got 1,500 horsepower blown and injected with alcohol.

Commentator 2: Yeah, that baby really moves.

Commentator 1: Oh yeah, the transmission...

Stella [entering]: What are you watching?

House: TV. What are you doing here?

Stella: Ted's with my mom. He asked the nurse to watch me.

House: What nurse?

Stella: She's not really watching me.

House [nods]: I got that.

Stella: Do you still have the balloons?

House: No.

Stella: Do you want to play something?

House: Nope. [raises eyebrows, takes feet down, turns off TV. Taking her hand they exit together and walk down the hall]

Stella: When can Mommy come home?

House: Don't know.

Stella: What's wrong with your foot?

House: War wound.

Stella: Does it hurt?

House: Every day.

Stella: Is that why you're so sad?

House [looking down at her]: Oh, aren't you adorable. [pushes elevator button] I'm not sad. I'm complicated. Chicks dig that. One day, you'll understand.

Stella: That's what my parents say when they don't want me to know something.

House: They say that a lot?

Stella: Only when they're talking about making babies and stuff.

House [nods]: And when you catch them fighting?

Stella: They don't fight.

House: Not ever?

Stella: People who love each other don't fight.

HOuse: RIght. Forgot that. [elevator arrives] What floor was that nurse on who was watching you?

Stella: Two.

House [pushes 2 and steps out]: Good talk.

[Procedure room. Margo in a chair with a sheet over her legs, Ted holding her hand.]

Cam: At your age the type of uterine cancer that develops is not likely to metastasize.It's very treatable.

Chase: Hold still, Margo.

Margo [winces]: I--I'm feeling a little bit dizzy.

Chase: Oh, my God. [his glove has blood on it. Machine beeps.]

Cam: BP's dropping. [Margo starts moaning]

Ted: What's going on?

Chase: Get him out of here. [camera shows blood dripping onto the floor in a steady stream]

Ted: What's going on?? {Margo still moaning]

Cam: Heart rate's 98 and rising.

Chase: We've gotta find that bleed.

Cam: What'd you do, hit an artery?

Chase: With what? I hadn't even started the procedure. [they ultrasound Margo's abdomen]

[cut to Cuddy's office, Stacy enters]

Stacy: I need some advice.

Cuddy: Whatever it is, can it wait?

Stacy [turns to go]: Yeah. [turns back] What was Greg like after I left?

Cuddy: Uh, an egomaniacal narcissistic pain in the ass. Same as before you left.

Stacy: Do you think he's capable of having a real relationship?

Cuddy: What happened in Baltimore?

Stacy: Nothing.

Cuddy: Right.

Stacy: Maybe something.

Cuddy [wincing with eyes closed]: Right.

Stacy: Technically, most of the something happened after Baltimore.

Cuddy: Oh God, Stacy...

Stacy: I don't know what to do.

Cuddy: Are you seriously thinking about leaving Mark?

Stacy: No. I don't know. I can't.

Cuddy: And you want me to tell you it's okay?

Stacy: It wasn't all bad with Greg. I was with him for a reason.

Cuddy: You left him for a reason.

Stacy: I could swear I remember him being fun. [Cuddy smiles apologetically but says nothing.]

[cut to waiting room]

Chase [to Ted & Stella]: Sorry for the scare.

Ted: Just tell me she's okay.

Chase: Ultrasound showed the bleed was coming from her liver. It's rare, but the blood got into her Fallopian tubes. In a way, it was lucky. Let us know we were looking in the wrong place. The tumor's in her liver.

Ted: Is it--is it cancer?

Chase: We're running some more tests.

[cut to CT scan room]

Foreman: There it is.

[cut to hallway]

Foreman: It's a liver tumor.

House [sighs]: If it's malignant, at least she's only gonna leave one child without a mother. Do a biopsy.

Foreman: We can't. It's vascular.

Mark: House. [Foreman books it. Mark rolls over in his wheelchair.]

House: What?

Mark: I'm here about Stacy.

House: What about her?

Mark: I think I'm losing her.

House: Your wife, your problem. [walks away, Mark rolls after him]

Mark: She won't talk to me.

House: So what, you're gonna talk to me instead? Talk to your shrink.

Mark: She keeps saying everything's fine.

House: Find a bar and talk to a stranger.

Mark: You're the only one who's been through this. [House stops and turns.] I'm shutting her out. I'm saying things and then hating myself for saying them. How did you get past that?

House: Didn't. [turns and walks away again]

Mark: Can you please be a human being for one minute and talk to me? [House stops and turns again]

House: Sorry. Gotta go. People dying. [turns and walks away]

Mark: You're not gonna outrun me. [goes after him]

[House takes a stairwell, going up slowly with his cane]

Mark: House. [Mark comes in and pulls himself out of his wheelchair onto the stairs. House turns and looks at him.]

House: You're not ready for this.

[Mark pulls himself up the stairs and falls into House, who catches him]

Mark: I've seen the way you and Stacy talk to each other.

House: You're an idiot. You probably just set your rehab back three months.

Mark [starts struggling]: Let go of me! Get off of me! [Mark falls down the stairs, sittin g on them. House goes back down and through the door, leaving Mark sitting on the stairs.]

[commercial break]

[HOuse's conference room]

House: Liver tumor doesn't make sense.

FOreman: You saying the CT was wrong?

House: I'm saying the symptoms don't add up. A + B does not equal liver tumor. We gotta solve for X. [approaches board] We gotta look at this differently. What do we know about her?

Foreman: Side effects of the Ritalin caused the--

House: No. We've examined the file up and down. Come here. Give me that. Why do you people always overlook the human element? [takes the file and tosses it in the garbage] What do we know about her? Margo...[checks garbage] Dalton. The woman.

Cameron: She's a people pleaser. She doesn't like to let people down.

House: Who never fights with her husband.

Chase: She went to drugs instead of asking for help to manage her life.

House: So if she can't manage now, why does she want another kid?

[they all look puzzled, House twirls his cane thoughtfully]

House: Foreman. Need your help here. You want to pull a bank job. Would you go it alone? If you're gonna rob a home, sure. It's a one or two man crew. But a bank... Lookout, getaway driver.

FOreman: I'm not saying anything until the metaphor plays itself out.

HOuse: So here's the caper. Fertility meds create a distraction. Mommy had 3 refills on the Ritalin in the last 3 weeks. That team goes straight for the top floor. Has no trouble taking out communications [crosses out Psychosis], but--the specialist, Safe Cracker. All he does is stroke, blood clot, liver tumor. [circles these on the board] Foreman was right. This bad ass even does flailing. Come on. Only one guy I know does that kind of work.

Cameron: Birth control pills? [they all exchange bewildered looks]

[cut to patient's room, Margo is sleeping until House makes a loud noise, startling her]

HOuse: While the surgeons are cutting out a chunk of your liver, should I have them do a hysterectomy too?

Margo: A hysterectomy? I'm trying to get pregnant.

House: YOu don't have to lie to me. We're not married.You're supermom. You can do anything. You work seven days a week. You volunteer. Raise a kid. Yet you still somehow find the time to lie to hubby number two that you really really want to give him a child with his chin and pretty brown eyes.

Margo: What makes you think that I don't--

House: Because it fits. Birth control pills caused hepatocellular adenoma. Explains all your symptoms that aren't explained by your other lies.

Margo: That's it?

House: [pulls out a paper] Also.

Margo: I'll have the tuna on rye. Would you like to leave my room now?

House {tosses paper onto her tray]: Tumor is benign. Stop taking the pill and it'll go away on it's own. So. I'm cancelling the surgery.

Margo: What are you going to tell my husband?

House: That I'm canceling the surgery. You can do the explaining. It's tricky, huh? It's one thing to say you can't have a baby. It's another to say you don't want one. Personally I'd make up some other lie.

Margo: Could--could I die on the table?

House: Could you die if you tell him the truth?

Margo: I need the surgery. I'm not on the pill.

[Cuddy's office]

Cuddy: You can't cancel the surgery.

House: If she goes off the pill, the tumor goes away on its own.

Cuddy: YOu ahve no proof the birth control pills caused this, you have no proof she's even taking them.

HOuse: "Well if we do the surgery, maybe we'll kill her on the table. Then I can prove I'm right at the autopsy.

Cuddy: Or, we can forget the surgery, let the tumor grow, and kill her.

House: Why don't you take it up with Stacy? See which option minimizes your risk.

Cuddy: Here's what I think she's gonna say. Oh, I love Greg. But if you go against a patient's wishes, you're calling her a liar. And if something goes wrong, I end up in court haivng to defend the big mean doctor, albeit with dreamy eyes, would wouldn't believe the nice suburban mom. And even though his cane makes me melt, do the damn surgery.

[cut to surgery; Chase throws a piece under the scope, gives the thumbs-up to House and Wilson in the viewing area]

House: Shocking. It's benign.

Wilson: People do crazy things for love.

House: No. Crazy is hanging out in the park all day talking to pigeons. Margo knows what she's doing. She gave up half her liver to save her marriage.

Wilson: No. She surgically removed her fingerprints to cover her pathetic lie.

House: It's twisted and manipulative, I give you that. But it's also...romantic. [Wilson looks at him like he's nuts] I'm barely willing to put the seat down after I pee.

Wilson: Do we need to talk?

House: Nope. I'm fine.

[cut to patient's room]

FOreman: So the surgeon got the whole tumor. And it was benign.

Ted: That's good, right?

Foreman: Yeah. Benign is good.

Ted: How could a benign tumor have caused all the symptoms?

Foreman [exchanging a glance with Margo]: We believe all your wife's symptoms will go away now.

Ted: Oh. [sighs with relief] Thank God. Look, I'm gonna pick up Stella. [kisses Margo]I'll call you after I get the baby-sitter. [he exits]

Margo: Dr. Foreman, you can help me. You could tell my husband that... because of all this...I can't take any more fertility treatments.

Foreman: Confidentiality rules stop me from telling your husband the truth. But my obligation to lie ends there.

Margo: Are--are there--is there a birth control method, something that won't make me sick?

Foreman: Margo, you're gonna have risks with everything. Especially if you're not telling your fertility doctor. If you keep doing this, it's gonna kill your marriage and kill you.

Margo: You don't know. [smiles] In a few years, we'll give up. Stop trying to get pregnant. We'll hug, cry. Eventually, Ted will stop thinking about it. And he'll appreciate Stella even more. And we'll live happily together for the next 50 years. [smiles and looks smug. Foireman looks sick.]

[cut to House's office. Cameron enters.]

House: Something you need to see. [holds out envelope. She looks at him nervously.] Knowing is always better than not knowing.

[she opens it as he gets up, gets another envelope]

Cam: It's a referral request.

House: Right. HIV thing came in earlier. [holds it up] You're fine.

Cam: You won't read your mail, but you'll open mine?

House: It said confidential. I wanted to know.

Cam: The most important letter of my life, and you're still an ass.

House: Comforting, isn't it? [she leaves]

[cut to House in his office, staring at the clean white board]

[cut to Stacy's office, House enters]

Stacy: Hey!

House: Hi.

Stacy [stands up]: I'm going to talk to Mark tonight. And I'm going to stay here with you. [smiles and looks nervous]

House: DOn't do it.

Stacy: This isn't funny Greg.

House: I know.

Stacy [smile fades]: You... spent all these months chasing me. Now I'm here and you start running? What the hell changed?

House: Nothing. Nothing changes. I'm not going to change.

Stacy: Who asked you to?

House: Mark is willing to do whatever it takes. I'm not. Never was.

Stacy: Oh, now you're introspective? WEren't so analytical the other night.

House: You were happy with Mark. You'll be happy again.

Stacy: Shut up about Mark. What the hell's wrong with you? House: I can't make you happy!

Stacy: What?

House: How do you think this is gonna end? We'll be happy for what? A few weeks, few months. And then I'll say something insensitive, or I'll start ignoring you. And at first it'll be okay. It's just House being House. And then at some point, you will need something more. You'll need someone who can give you something I can't. [Stacy sighs.] You know I"m right. I've been there before.

Stacy: Oh. Oh. It doesn't have to be.

House: It does. It does. [they sigh] I dont' want to go there again. I'm sorry, Stacy. [He leaves, and she exhales forcefully]

[outside patient room]

Chase: 50 bucks says they're divorced in a year.

Cam: 6 months tops.

Foreman: I'll take that bet. It's the perfect marriage. There's nothing to fight over if you never talk about anything.

[cut to hallway, Foreman on his way out looks into Stacy's window door, sees her packing]

[cut to roof, Wilson finds House there, sitting on the wall]

Wilson: What did you tell her?

House: I told her she's better off without me.

Wilson: Huh. That's probably true.

[House takes out Vicodin and pops a couple]

Wilson: You're an idiot. You don't think she'd be better off without you.

House: Right. I sent her off on a whim.

Wilson: You have no idea why you sent her off. [House climbs down off the wall]

House: Don't do this.

Wilson: This was no great sacrifice! You sent her away because you've got to be miserable.

House [turning on him]: That kind of psycho-crap help get your patients through the long nights? Or is it just for you? Tough love make you feel good? Helping people feel their pain?

Wilson: You don't like yourself. But you do admire yourself. It's all you've got, so you cling to it. You're so afraid if you change, you'll lose what makes you special. Being miserable doesn't make you better than anybody else, House. It just makes you miserable. [he leaves]


THE END