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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Season 3 X 14: Insensitive


Original Airdate: 2/13/2007
Written by: Matthew V. Lewis
Directed by: Deran Serafian
Transcript by: Jane


[In a car. It is snowing and the windshield wipers are going.)

Hannah: I'm okay. Let's just go home.

Cynthia: You're getting checked out.

Hannah: I tripped on the ice. Eight other kids tripped. This is embarrassing.

Cynthia: You said you were just going to hang with your friends. I turn around and you're out there on the ice.

Hannah: I'm fine.

Cynthia: You don't know that. You fell. Awkwardly.

Hannah: No, I didn't.

Cynthia: You don't know how to fall.

Hannah: I'm sixteen. I've been falling a lot. I think I'm getting the hang of it. And I checked.

(Hannah turns on car radio. Rock music. Cynthia turns it off)

Cynthia: And now the doctors are going to check.

Hannah: You don't think that you're over reacting? I don't need you to fix every boo-boo.

Cynthia: Then stop getting them.

Hannah: I was just playing around with my friends. I was having fun.

Cynthia: You know you can't do that.

Hannah: Oh, I can't have fun?

Cynthia: You know what I mean. I'm gonna have a talk with your friends.

Hannah: No.

Cynthia: And tell them that they need to stop...

Hannah: No! I don't want you freaking them out! Fine. Fine, we'll go to the hospital. But they're going to tell you that I'm fine and they're going to tell you that you don't need to worry about...

(Bright lights fill the car as a truck approaches. Cut to the car after the accident.)

Hannah: Mom? Mom! (yells) Hello? (Hannah unbuckles her seat belt and moves to her mother.) Mom, you gotta wake up. No one's coming. Mom! (She shakes her mother, then sees cell phone on the floor. Grabs it, dials.)

Operator: 911. What's your emergency?

Hannah: We got into an accident on the canal road just outside Kingston. My mom's unconscious.

Operator: Are you all right?

Hannah: (looks at piece of metal sticking out of her leg) I'm fine. (hangs up) Mom. Mom.

[Opening Credits]

[House walks into Emergency Room. He sees Wendy.]

House: Where's Foreman?

Wendy: He's down here somewhere.

House: Somewhere. Very helpful.

Wendy: Do you have any idea when he's getting out tonight?

House: Sometime.

Wendy: I realize you can't predict. I just thought you might be able to estimate. It's Valentine's Day. I've planned a surprise getaway.

House: Getaway.

Wendy: Mmm-hmm.

House: (speaking slower.) Getaway. (Wendy looks puzzled.) Get away. (with a disgusted look, she does so.)

[Cut to Foreman examining Hannah.]

Hannah: Is my mom okay?

Foreman: She's gone to surgery.

House: Foreman. Your girlfriend wants to know if you're available for Valentine's. Act surprised. What are you doing down here?

Foreman: There's a snowstorm. E.R.'s short staffed. We're all supposed to be here. You're supposed to be here. You're an ass. Act surprised. (to Hannah) This could sting a little. (House lounges in corner, watching Foreman clean a cut on Hannah's leg)

Hannah: Ow. (flinches) Can we hurry this up?

Foreman: Make sure that ...

House: Take your time. What's your name?

Hannah: Hannah Morgenthal.

House: You have CIPA, Hannah Morgenthal.

Hannah: No, I don't.

House: We have to do x-rays to make sure you don't have internal injuries. Blood test to make sure no infections. An EEG for neurological anomalies and biopsy a spinal nerve.

Foreman: Whoa, whoa. Congenital Insensitivity to Pain is one of the rarest conditions on the planet. There's only been about sixty documented cases.

House: Yeah, and I have seven reasons to think that she's one of them.

Foreman: She says she's not.

House: And that's reason number one. She knew what it was without us telling her. Two, she's still went from the snow but she's not shivering. That's odd. Unless she can't sweat or feel hot and cold.

Hannah: The ambulance was warm. I want to see my mother.

House: Three, scarring around the lip and tongue. When she was a baby she chewed on herself without feeling it.

Hannah: I fell through a window when I was a kid.

House: Four, when you cleaned the wound she flexed into the cleaner instead of away from it. It's hard to fake pain when you've never felt it. Takes an imaginative leap, Ms. Morgenthal. That's one of them Jew names. Ashkenazys are a higher risk group.

Foreman: On the other hand, she says she doesn't have it. And she'd be dead by now if she'd never been diagnosed.

House: They killed our Lord. Are you going to trust them? She wants to see her mom. If she admits having CIPA she knows we're not letting her go anywhere without a battery of tests.

Foreman: You said you had seven reasons.

House: I pulled a number out of the air. What, five isn't enough?

Foreman: Five lame reasons aren't. I'm taking her to see her mom as... (House whacks Hannah on the shin with his cane. No reaction. Foreman looks at House.)

House: I could hit her again if six aren't enough. Do the tests. (Hannah sighs, resigned.)

[Cut to House entering Cuddy's office.]

House: Need to bail on the E.R. I got a case. Why are you wearing perfume?

Cuddy: Is this a real case or one of those imaginary cases that happen when you're bored?

House: CIPA.

Cuddy: CIPA is a diagnosis. Diagnoses happen at the end of cases.

House: She's got no idea what's going on in her body. There's gotta be something wrong.

Cuddy: In other words, she could be perfectly healthy but you're curious about someone who can't feel pain because you always feel pain so you want to go exploring.

House: She was in a car accident. She needs x-rays, blood tests, EEG, nerve biopsy. I also note that, although the snow was coming down in sheets this morning, you left your hat at home and used ear muffs.

Cuddy: Do your tests, except for the...

House: So, while everyone else was just worrying about getting in, you were concerned with about "hat head." Blind dates are never a good idea. Only reason to wear a scarf like that is as a beacon to identify you in a crowd.

Cuddy: Do your tests. Except for the nerve biopsy.

House: I need the nerve biopsy.

Cuddy: You'd risk paralyzing her.

House: But it's neurological.

Cuddy: You have no evidence of that.

House: She tripped.

Cuddy: Do you have any evidence other than the fact that a typically clumsy CIPA patient tripped on an icy day? (House shakes his head) If the EEG reveals a problem, we can talk then.

House: (leaving) You could have left the scarf at home and just told him you'd be wearing a look of desperation.

[Cut to procedure room. Chase and Cameron at computer screens, Foreman standing.]

Chase: Spiking on leads C3 and O2.

Cameron: She could be going into a seizure.

Hannah: Hello!

Foreman: I think there's a simpler explanation.

Hannah: You're not going to find anything. I'm fine. I wanna see my mom. (She is pulling all the electrodes off.)

[Cut to House's office]

House: So, sedate her.

Foreman: She won't consent.

House: She's a teenager.

Foreman: No dad, mom's still in surgery. What do you want us to do? Hold her down?

House: Well, only until you inject her with a sedative. Then you can let her go.

Foreman: We tried.

House: Seriously?

Foreman: She's strong and doesn't care. We'd have broken something before we could get her to sit still enough to inject her.

House: So, break her arm. She won't mind.

Foreman: You're cranky.

House: I'm in pain. Let's go break her arm.

[Cut to hallway]

House: Nurse Shortie, your biz-nitch, how long are you gonna waste her time.

Foreman: I'm so glad we're walking somewhere. Another sixty feet and this conversation is over.

House: When you guys are out of this program, Cameron will find somebody. Chase will find eight somebodies. And you'll be alone.

Foreman: Thirty feet.

House: You'll date and you'll date. But you're the ultimate Darwinian. You've got to fight for everything. Anybody else would just slow you down.

Foreman: I'm still with her, aren't I?

House: Yeah. I can only imagine it's because she hasn't given you an excuse to break up and you don't have the guts to recognize your own reality. (opens procedure room door)

[Cut to procedure room]

Hannah: I want to see my mother.

House: Hi again. I'm sure I can say this without being condescending, but then you'd get the false impression that I respect you so - you're a kid, you're scared, you're stalling. Grow up.

Hannah: I'm not scared. I'm never scared.

House: See? How juvenile was that? You can't feel pain. Nothing left but pleasure. Why don't you tell me how wonderful that is?

Hannah: It sucks.

House: Better than being in pain all the time. Get in the chair.

Hannah: Every morning I have to check my eyes to make sure I didn't scratch a cornea in my sleep.

House: Oh God, stop. I'm in a pool of tears here.

Hannah: I can't cry.

House: Neither can I. Every morning I check my eyes for jaundice in case the Vicodin's finally shot my liver.

Hannah: I can't run anywhere without examining all my toes for swelling.

House: I can't run.

Hannah: Boys can't hold me for too long because I can overheat.

House: Girls can't hold me for too long because I only pay for an hour.

Hannah: I need an alarm on my watch to remind me to go to the bathroom. You know how many humiliating experiences before I thought of that.

House: The bathroom's 50 feet from my office. Every drink of water I weigh the pros and cons,

Hannah: After everything I do, I self-check: Mouth, tongue, gums for cuts. Count teeth, check temperature. Fingers, toes and joints for swelling, skin for bruises.

House: I got shot.

Hannah: I sat on the stove when I was three. Want to see the coil marks?

House: Yeah.

Hannah: You think I'm lying?

House: You think I just wanna check out your tuchus, as your people would say. (As she stands and turns to show him her butt, he uncaps syringe and injects her. She turns back and he shows her the empty syringe. Fellows catch her as she slumps down.) Put her in the chair and run the damn test. If she moves again, give her nitrous.

Cameron: You weren't shot because of leg pain, you were shot because you're a jerk.

House: Some think the two are connected.

[Cut to hospital room. A doctor is being paged. Cameron is preparing to take Hannah's temperature.]

Hannah: He didn't have to do that.

Cameron: Yeah, he did.

Hannah: I'm sick?

Cameron: No, your EEG was normal. X-rays showed no breaks, blood test showed no infections, urine indicated no... (Hannah's head falls back on pillow. She's convulsing.) Hannah? (She pulls the thermometer from Hannah's mouth. Turns on intercom over the bed) Call a code. Oh, God. (to staff coming through the door) Need ice packs and cooling blankets. Got saline in there? (pulls sheet off Hannah.)

Nurse: She's not flushed. She's not sweaty. You must be...

Cameron: She has a temperature of 105. (pours pitcher of water over Hannah. She and nurse place cold packs.)

[Cut to view of unconscious Hannah then to Diagnostics Office]

House: Wow. She's actually sick.

Cameron: We've got her temperature down below boiling. Could be infection.

House: No. LP showed normal proteins and no white blood cells.

Chase: High billirubin. Could be a liver problem.

House: Nope. Transaminases were normal.

Foreman: Could be drugs. She's smoked pot since she was eleven.

House: No again. Tox screen was clean.

Foreman: We're doing this case backwards. We do the tests and then she gets sick?

Cameron: Maybe we did something to her. Maybe she got sick after the tests. We should rerun them.

House: And biopsy a spinal nerve.

Foreman: You want to risk paralysis because she's got a fever?

House: I want to risk paralysis because I don't know what's causing the fever. If it's neurological...

Foreman: It's a fever.

House: In a CIPA patient. Obviously things are a little different in her upstairs wiring.

Chase: And have been since the day she was born.

House: Yah. It's much more likely that whatever it is was cleverly waiting and hiding until you guys were done testing. (Takes coat and starts out door)

Chase: Where are you going?

House: You're all against this, right? And, you're all going to stand on principle and refuse to do it, right? I'm going to get Cuddy's approval.

[Cut to OR, Cynthia is still in surgery. Nurse hanging bags on IV pole. Chase and Cameron are in the observation deck.]

Cameron: How long are we going to keep Hannah in the dark about her mother?

Chase: Long as possible.

Cameron: Side air bag should be standard.

Chase: I'm sure she'll agree.

Cameron: She should know her mother's situation.

Chase: Breaking that news is that surgeon's problem.

Foreman: Any word from House?

Cameron: No.

Chase: No.

Foreman: Maybe Cuddy will say no.

Chase: (laughs) Cuddy never says no.

Cameron: That's not true.

Chase: Nobody ever says no. We don't say no.

Foreman: You don't say no.

Chase: He'll come back. He'll browbeat us. He'll give us seven reasons and eventually we'll fold. We all will. Not just me. The only way we can avoid biopsying this kid's spine is to find the answer some other way.

Foreman: All the tests were negative.

Chase: We need a better history.

Cameron: How much more paperwork do you need? We've got pediatric records, a few dozen E.R. records, our own admission questionnaire.

Chase: What's the first question?

Cameron: Insurance coverage.

Chase: Okay. Second question.

Foreman: Just make your point.

Chase: Where does it hurt? If we knew where it hurt, we could diagnose her.

Foreman: You do know CIPA means she can't feel pain.

Chase: No. CIPA means she's insensitive to pain. She still has scattered nerve fibers that could conduct pain but the signals don't make it to the brain. What if we give her more pain signals? A lot more pain signals. Maybe some of them might get through.

Cameron: You want to torture her?

Chase: No. Yes, we do this to anybody else, it's torture. Doing it to her, it's no different than pricking her finger. We keep poking sharp sticks into her, eventually we'll find the part that's already tender.

[Cut to a coffee house. Cuddy is with a man]

Don: So, what does a dean of medicine do?

Cuddy: Oh, can we please not talk about that. I will talk about anything else, but I'm just trying to get away from work.

Don: Metaphorically. Because, geographically the coffee place around the corner from the hospital probably isn't the furthest you could get.

Cuddy: Well the snow.

Don: Roads are clearing. But it's a good place to beat a retreat from. Do you usually expect your dates to go wrong?

Cuddy: Experience has taught me to have an escape route.

Don: Well, low expectations, that's in my favor.

Cuddy: (Smiles. Then she sees House through the window. Her face falls) Whatever happens, I need you to understand that there are certain aspects to my life, I'm not happy about.

House: (enters) I need the nerve biopsy.

Cuddy: And you had to come here personally to tell me that. And how did you even know I was here?

House: I had to bring the file. This is the most noncommittal location within walking distance. You left your car keys on your desk. (turns to Don. Loudly) Greg House. You two must have met online. Either that or you've got a friend who secretly hates you.

Don: Uh, Don Herrick. Yeah, we connected through singleballroomdancelovers.com.

House: Why would he volunteer that information?

Don: Why would I hide it?

House: You didn't tell him that anything he said will be held against you? (to Don) So, what line of work are you in?

Don: Uh, auto maintenance. Changing oil and filters.

House: Great, my place overcharges. You can't trust anything you guys say. So, where are you located?

Don: In fourteen states. I own Eastern Lube. (House's face falls, trying to look unimpressed. Cuddy closes the file.)

Cuddy: Most CIPA complications are infection and she's got a fever. LP? Urine?

House: Clean. Normal. Same with the white blood cell count.

Cuddy: Cancer?

House: Nothing on the scan. I think it's her nerves messing with the temperature control. Amyloid, sarcoid, there's a lot of candidates. I want a biopsy.

Cuddy: Fine. If that's what you need, go get it.

House: (leans close to Cuddy's ear and announces loudly) He seems a lot nicer than that one from Wicca needs a daddy figure dot com. (Grabs a cookie from their table and leaves.)

[Cut to procedure room]

Chase: (dipping Hannah's hands in vats of water) One of these is warm and the other is very hot. Start here. Move to the hot one, just a few second. Then back. We're gonna monitor activity in your brain while you do it. If you feel any response to the heat, it could indicate a vascular problem.

Hannah: (puts hand in cold water) How's my mom doing?

Chase: She's okay. Do you feel anything?

Hannah: No. (moves hand to hot water) What does "okay" mean?

Chase: (looking at thermal images on computer) She's still in surgery. They tell me it's going okay. You can take your hand out.

Hannah: And you didn't ask anything else?

Chase: Take your hand out of the water!

Hannah: What's going on with my mother? (Chase makes a dash from the monitoring room)

Chase: Hannah. (pulls her hand from the hot water) You just got second degree burns.

Hannah: I'll be fine. What's going on with my mother? Is she gonna die?

Chase: They said she's okay. Surgery this long is typical when there are internal injuries.

[Cut to another procedure room. Hannah's head is in a frame]

Foreman: Naloxone and kinase proteins in.

Hannah: And that's gonna make me feel pain? I didn't feel anything when you guys screwed this thing into my head.

Foreman: They'll replace missing chemicals in your nerves. Heightened sensitivity. We're going to be drilling directly into your skull. A response should indicate sarcoma.

Hannah: What does it feel like?

Foreman: It...hurts. Um...sorry. Bone pain is the worst there is. You need to let me know as soon as you feel anything. She's ready. (Surgeon puts the drill in place)

Hannah: So, what? I just sit here while you guys drill a hole in me? You wanna talk?

Foreman: Just you and your mom, huh? You two must be pretty close.

Hannah: We were. Until I got arrested. The third time.

Foreman: Drugs?

Hannah: Fights.

Foreman: You got an advantage.

Hannah: Not really. Never know when to stop.

Foreman: You piss a lot of people off or you just trying to piss off your mom? Those are pretty much the only two choices you have. Hannah? (she's looking around, nervous) You want us to stop? (Hannah reaches for the metal frame) Stop the drill. Stop the drill! (Foreman holds the frame while the surgeon removes the drill. Hannah is making squealing pain/panic noises. Foreman removes the frame.) It's okay. What'd you feel? Where did you feel it? Hannah, I need to know how it hurt. (Hannah smiles then pushes past Foreman and runs out of the room.) Hannah!

[Cut to House's office. Wilson enters.]

Wilson: I am so tired of this. Did you know that the new nurse from cardiology is sleeping with that weird lawyer from the board?

House: (eating) The guy with eleven fingers?

Wilson: He has eleven fingers?

House: How do you not notice that?

Wilson: The nurse used to be a man.

House: She's not anymore?

Wilson: But we can't talk about that.

House: I thought we were.

Wilson: We were supposed to talk about that. I came here to talk about that. But on the way up, I ran into Cameron. You've got a CIPA patient.

House: Mmmm. Tranny nurse is more interesting.

Wilson: Oh it's way more interesting. But instead, I've got to be your damn conscience. I'm tired of being your conscience. I don't enjoy being your conscience.

House: No one enjoys�

Wilson: You're studying her....

House: She's actually sick.

Wilson: Which you found out after you took her on.

House: I was curious. Since I'm not a cat, that's not dangerous.

Wilson: I don't think that metaphor was designed to actually warn cats. You don't care about her illness, you care about CIPA. Which means your focus is going to be on getting your answer, not hers.

House: Thank you. Forewarned is forearmed.

Wilson: What do you think you're going to figure out? You think her lack of pain is somehow the answer to your pain.

House: I think if you'd stop talking to Cameron then right now we could be ranking nurses in order of doability.

Foreman: (enters) Need you.

House: What did the nerve biopsy show?

Foreman: Never did it.

House: Well then, do it.

Foreman: Can't.

House: Why?

Foreman: She's going to jump off the lobby balcony.

House: And you think I can catch her? (Foreman dashes out.)

[Cut to balcony]

Hannah: Get away from me.

Cameron: I'm not going to hurt you.

Hannah: Yes you are. You're just jealous that I can do anything.

Cameron: Hannah, you're having a paranoid delusion.

Hannah: I don't believe you.

Chase: (to Cameron) Think she would?

Hannah: This is real. You want me to be in pain. You even said so.

Chase: If we wanted to hurt you, we'd let you jump.

Hannah: Just let me see my mother.

Cameron: Fine. We'll take you to her OR observation room.

Hannah: I don't believe you.

Foreman: Your mother is fine. I just spoke to her surgeon.

Hannah: I don't believe you.

Chase: Hannah! What do you want from us? What do you want us to do?

Hannah: I can't feel my legs.

Foreman: You're trying to pull the same stunt in ten minutes.

Hannah: I'm not pretending. They don't hurt, they're just not there. (she falls. Shot of her lying on the floor below. She moves.)

[Cut to Hannah's room.]

Cameron: Anything? We're not looking for pain. Anything at all? Pressure?

Hannah: Nothing.

Cameron: You have six broken bones, a fever, a concussion, erratic heart rhythms and a complete lack of sensation below the waist.

Hannah: I feel fine. Is my mother out of surgery yet?

Cameron: Not yet.

[Cut to Diagnostics Office? Two light tables hold about a dozen x-rays.]

House: This is excellent.

Cameron: The paranoia seems to have dissipated but her vitals keep getting worse. She could be dead in hours.

House: But if you're going to die a miserable, lingering death, pain free is the way to do it. Are we sure the fall didn't cause the paralysis?

Chase: The paralysis caused the fall. Spine's clean. No veritable fractures or spinal cord compression.

House: Even better. The nuttiness and paralysis means there's definitely a neurological component.

Foreman: Could be a nerve disease.

House: Which is why we need to look at the nerve that you didn't biopsy.

Chase: There are other tests...

House: HIV? Syphilis? She was negative for all STDs. Vascular? No, ANA was negative. Cerebral clot? No, MRI was...

Cameron: Thyroid storm.

Foreman: Makes sense given her glucose reation was slow and her potassium is down.

House: Yeah. I'll check with an endocrinologist.

Cameron: Bennett's on call.

House: Perfect.

[Cut to door to a house. House knocks with his cane. Door opens. It's Cuddy]

Cuddy: Nooooo.

House: Need a consult.

Cuddy: I already okayed your nerve biopsy.

House: I need an endocrinologist.

Cuddy: Bennett's on call.

House: Won't pick up. His cell phone must be broken.

Cuddy: Mine's working.

House: Had to give you the file.

Cuddy: (reading) I assume you're thinking thyroid storm. You done a hormone panel?

House: Normal. TSH was on the low side. Is that a cheery fire I hear crackling nearby?

Cuddy: No. What about CPK enzymes?

House: Elevated. 275. Of course, people light fires for themselves. But then they don't deny it. He's here.

Cuddy: CPK isn't high enough. Potassium's what you'd expect because of the bronchodilators.

House: (looks at her then looks skyward in exaggerated manner) Oh my God. You're not wearing a bra.

Cuddy: It's not thyroid storm.

House: You just met him.

Cuddy: I like him. And I like sex. Do I need to stitch a letter on my tops?

House: No. But it might be worth taking out an ad in the local papers.

Cuddy: (taking a couple of steps forward) Do you like me, House? I was on the phone with Bennett 15 minutes ago. His cell phone's working. You're M.O is to avoid me at all costs. And suddenly you need my input on every move you make. I can only assume it's because I'm on a date.

House: When we met, I noticed...

Cuddy: You noticed he was a Shriner because of the way he parted his hair. You noticed he was a momma's boy because of the way he blinked his left eye. I'm not interested. I'm not impressed. There are only two reasons anyone would want to screw with me tonight. Either they're an altruistic, decent person who's worried about my well being. Or, they want me for themself.

House: You left out the third option. Evil bastard who just wants to mess with other people's happiness.

Cuddy: Goodnight House. (she goes in, closing the door. Goes to living room) We won't be bothered again.

Don: (putting on his shoes) It's late. I should go.

Cuddy: Why?

Don: I part my hair on the left and I'm a Shriner?

Cuddy: (covering face with hands) You heard the conversation. I'm not interested in him.

Don: I don't blame you.

Cuddy: I only said those things so he wouldn't come back.

Don: I don't really care about my job. I do it well. I provide a service. But my goal was always to make enough money to do the things I really like. Music. Travel.

Cuddy: I like those things too.

Don: You like them but they're not really important to you. I don't know whether it's House, your job or if you just thrive on conflict but... You should hear yourself when you're talking to him. Nothing else in the world's going on. You're focused, confident, compelling. Don't... don't take this the wrong way, but I'd like to go out with that woman.

Cuddy: I can get her on the phone. (Don kisser her on the cheek and leaves)

[Cut to House's office]

Cameron: Where did you go? She's getting worse.

House: It's not thyroid storm. Get me a spinal nerve.

Chase: There are still other tests.

House: She just said the girl's getting worse. You really want to wait? (Drops file on his desk. Looks around, confused.)

Cameron: (as House heads into the hall, followed by fellows) We'll be risking infection. Maybe make the paralysis worse.

House: (leaving office) It is worse. We're making it worse than worse? Do the biopsy.

Chase: You could paralyze her and get no useful information.

House: Do the biopsy.

Foreman: You're thinking peripheral neuropathy. We should take a nerve a little further away from the spine.

House: A little further from the truth. We're talking paralysis. Good chance the spine is relevant. This thing is progressing. It could kill her in hours. (opens door to Wilson's office. Wilson is reading. House holds out his hand.) Give me back my papers.

Wilson: (to fellows) Is he asking for a spinal nerve?

Cameron: How did you know?

Wilson: Give us a minute? (Fellows leave, closing door) Did you know they recently found a protein that speeds up nerve growth? Fascinating stuff. If you put that protein with the insulation from a spinal nerve, you could grow your own little garden. If that spinal nerve...

House: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If it happened to come from a person with CIPA I could grow pain-free nerves and graft them into my own leg. What an evil plan.

Wilson: You'd have to be on immunosupressors for life. Risk of infection. Shorter life span...

House: Shorter, but normal.

Wilson: Usually jealousy expresses itself by trying to destroy what someone has. You're more ambitious. You actually want to change medical fact to get this thing you...

House: Medical fact changes all the time.

Wilson: You're risking your patient's life.

House: That's how medical fact changes. A doctor risks...

Wilson: To serve their patient health, not their own.

House: This is medically justified.

Wilson: Are you sure? Are you sure that you're the right one to be making this call.

[Cut to hallway where the fellows are waiting]

House: Biopsy whatever nerve you figure you can safely get at. God, Wilson's annoying.

[Cut to lab. Cameron and Foreman are running tests.]

Cameron: Past 3 a.m. on Valentine's Day night. I assume you had a date with Wendy.

Foreman: She'll survive. She knows the deal.

Cameron: You're lucky.

Foreman: I know.

Cameron: Someday, when there's time, I would like to actually have a social life.

Foreman: Someday? Come on. If there's one thing a good-looking woman can have whenever she wants, it's a social life.

Cameron: You mean a sex life.

Foreman: There's nothing wrong with a little companionship 'til the real thing comes along.

Cameron: I had the real thing. Forgive me if I don't want to settle.

Foreman: Right.

Cameron: What does that mean?

Foreman: Nothing.

Cameron: You think I didn't have the real thing?

Foreman: I have no idea what you had.

Cameron: And yet you're judging it.

Foreman: It's late. I'm cranky. Sorry.

Cameron: I didn't have the real thing. How could you even know?

Foreman: You married a dying man. You thought six months, a year, it'll be tough. But then I'll recover and I'll have the rest of my life. It's like willingly getting the flu or joining the Peace Corps. Short term.

Cameron: Wow, you nailed it. It was basically like a wasted weekend.

Foreman: The sacrifices you made were huge. But they were at the height of your love for him. Commitment is only commitment because it has no expiration date. You stand next to someone and watch them floss for 30 years like my parents have, then ask for sacrifices. That's how you know the real thing. Cameron, I wasn't criticizing you. People who avoid commitment are people who know what a big thing it is.

Cameron: (looking into microscope) This isn't right.

[Cut to House entering lab.]

Foreman: CIPA can't cause this much degeneration.

Chase: A few nerve fibers we teased out of the center had some insulation left. But the insulation around the bundles is stripped bare.

Cameron: Means damage must be coming from the outside in.

House: Which means it's secondary demyelination. Which means the source is somewhere else. Which tells us it's not a nerve disease means it's something systemic that's affecting the nerves. Which mean we need to... (to Cameron) Where are you going?

Cameron: Kid's mom is finally out of surgery

House: I'll be right back.

[Cut to hallway as House follows Cameron.]

House: So what?

Cameron: Hannah should see her.

House: Yes, immediately after we're done chatting about saving her life. Most likely causes are metabolic.

Cameron: They found brain swelling. They're prepping her mother for another surgery.

House: Again, so what? Get a nurse to take the kid. There are more than sixty different metabolic conditions that could account for what she's got. There are only three of you guys.

Cameron: She's scared.

House: She should be. She'll die if we don't diagnose her.

Cameron: So, diagnose her.

[Cut to Cynthia's room.]

Hannah: Mom.

Cynthia: (moans and turns toward Hannah.) How... (she pulls off her oxygen mask) How bad is it? Are you okay?

Hannah: I'm okay, mom. I'll get better. I always get better.

Cynthia: Are you checking yourself? Your temperature?

Hannah: Mom, could you just let it go. You shouldn't be worrying.

Cynthia: Baby, I'm sorry. I should have seen that car coming.

Hannah: No. Mom, I did this to myself. I screwed up. You were right. You were right and I was wrong.

Cynthia: No. No.

Hannah: I shouldn't have gone out on the ice. And I shouldn't have fallen down. And I shouldn't have made you rush me to an E.R. for the tenth time this year. (monitors start beeping) Mom? Mom?

Cameron: You okay? We're gonna have to take her back to surgery. Hannah, your BP is way up. We need to get you some rest.

Hannah: (touching hand to eyes) My hand's wet.

Cameron: You're crying.

Hannah: I can't cry. Oh. My head's killing me.

[Cut to Diagnostics Office]

House: So, what does the pain tell us?

Chase: No tingling, no itching. So we can rule out...

Foreman: It tells us nothing. It wasn't physical pain, it was emotional.

House: Exactly. What were they doing when she got the headache?

Chase: Saying goodbye.

House: You said they were arguing.

Cameron: They weren't really arguing. She was just frustrated.

House: What were they arguing about?

Cameron: Whose fault it was.

House: Peripheral neuropathy, fever and intermittent paranoia. Lots of metabolic conditions can explain those things. But what if we add guilt?

Chase: Guilt as a symptom?

House: Alzheimer's can cause euphoria. Pain causes depression. And B12 deficiency causes guilt along with all that other stuff.

Foreman: If she felt guilty, she wouldn't be making her mother's life miserable. She wouldn't be getting into fights, getting arrested...

Cameron: Maybe she's fighting because she feels guilty. She's showing her mom she can take stupid risks and still be safe. Means her mom can let go.

Foreman: Which is rational. If guilt is a symptom it's caused by the illness, not by a thought process. And it would have to be new.

Cameron: A couple of years ago she was a model student.

Chase: This is pointless. If the headache was caused by the illness, it means she has a B12 deficiency. If it's just because she was sad, it's meaningless. How the hell do we test for that?

House: We don't. Give her a shot of B12. If she gets better, I was right.

Foreman: We already did. (holding chart) The E.R. gave her B12 when she was admitted, part of a multivitamin supplement. Apparently she's just sad.

[Cut to Wilson's office. He's doing paperwork and eating a sandwich.]

House: (entering) Why are you still here?

Wilson: Trying to get a couple of patients into a drug trial. Paperwork's due tomorrow. Why are you here?

House: I still haven't figured out why.

Wilson: No, I meant here. In my office.

House: Just dumped a cool B12 theory. Moved on to leukemia. (drops file on Wilson's desk.)

Wilson: Very pedestrian.

House: I'm not happy. Her white blood cell count was low. But the ones she's got... Just a whole lot of eosinophils.

Wilson: The immunoglobulin E level's borderline. If you want to be one hundred percent sure, check the bone marrow.

House: Team's doing a biopsy right now. (sits) So it turns out, the weird lawyer knew that she used to be a man.

Wilson: And he's cool with that?

House: Turns out that his previous girlfriend also used to be a man.

Wilson: Ho, ho.

House: Yeah. (reaches over and grabs half of Wilson's sandwich.)

Wilson: Is it possible for you to just watch me eat. Or do you get some primeval thrill out of beating the other hunters to the food. (House freezes for a moment. He throws the sandwich and leaves.) See you later.

[Cut to procedure room]

Hannah: You still haven't figured out that I don't need sedation.

Chase: It's so you don't move during the procedure.

House: Is that nitrous? What are you, trying to kill her? You gave her nitrous during the EEG. That's what made this thing rear it's ugly head.

Chase: What thing?

House: B12 deficiency.

Foreman: Are you having d�j� vu? We've had this conversation. She was given B12. She didn't get better.

House: Because someone else ate it. Get an abdominal MRI.

Hannah: What? What are you doing? (pulling away from them on the gurney, hysterical) Don't touch me. Don't touch me.

House: See. There she goes. Another paranoid delusion. She's going downhill. Forget the MRI. We need an O.R.

Hannah: Leave me alone.

[Cut to gurney being pushed through stainless steel doors. Another operation in the O.R. has already begun.]

Female Surgeon: Occupied.

House: Her hernia can wait. (he is pulling on gown as he talks. No mask.)

Hannah: Help. They're trying to kill me.

House: Okay. You can either believe that we really are trying to kill her... or you can assume that she's suffering from a medical condition. Seeing as this is a hospital and we're all dressed like doctors and there are easier ways to kill somebody...

Surgeon: Bev, help them.

House: I'm going to need iodine, scalpel numbers 10 and 15, forceps and a largish salad bowl. (Hannah continues to struggle as House starts to bare her midriff.) Okay. Hold her down. Come on, weenies, she's in a cast. Swab. (Swabs Hannah's belly, hands it back to Bev.) Fifteen.

Surgeon: You're not going to anesthetize her?

House: Relax. It's just a magic trick. (As he begins to cut her stomach, Hannah starts screaming as loud as she can.) She's faking it. (to Hannah) We're not falling for it this time. (Hannah drops her head back on the gurney, defeated.) Okay, keep that retracted. (House works at the incision for a moment.) Forceps. (House starts to pull a tape worm out of Hannah, narrating in an exaggerated 1950s documentary voice) Lake fishing can be fun. It can bring the generations together. (Back to his normal voice) If you don't cook that trout or perch well, you'll be giving room and board to this fellow. By free board, I mean all the B12 you can take in.

Bev: I could have a tapeworm in me?

House: Not likely. You'd be in a lot of pain. (As he continues to pull the tapeworm out, a nurse snaps a picture with her cell phone.)

Foreman: It's gotta be twenty five feet long.

House: Damn. World record's over sixty.

[Cut to Cynthia being wheeled into Hannah's room.]

Chase: Hannah. Wake up. Somebody here to see you. She's got limited motion on her left side. You might have to take care of her for a while. (Hannah starts to get up to lean over to her mom) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You don't feel it, but you're about to rip your stitches out. Take care of yourself. Then you can take care of her.

[Cut to locker room. Foreman is at open locker. Wendy enters]

Wendy: You haven't gone home.

Foreman: Sorry I screwed up Valentine's Day.

Wendy: I'm dating a doctor. I'd be an idiot to expect anything else.

Foreman: I did get you a gift. (Handing her a large envelope) MGH - best teaching hospital in Boston. Wanna be a nurse practitioner, that's as good as it gets. (He moves away while she stares at "gift) I made a few calls and, you're in if you want in.

Wendy: This is why you've been helping me get my surgical hours for accreditation.

Foreman: I thought you wanted...

Wendy: (over) Stupid. You've got ten feet of personal space around you. I step forward, you step back.

Foreman: I've shared a lot of things with you.

Wendy: Which is why you're breaking up with me. You can't stand to be close.

Foreman: Wendy, you think I'll stay with you because you're angry with me?

Wendy: I'm upset. Because I care. Only you'd expect an argument to be rational. You and that ass boss of yours. (leaves)

[Cut to Cuddy sleeping alone in bed. Music playing, continues through next scenes]

[Cut to Hannah's and Cynthia's room]

Wilson: (in doorway with House) You could ask her for the spinal nerve.

House: She's got no reason to give it.

Wilson: She owes you.

House: The hospital will send her a bill.

Wilson: I'm just saying, if you wanna do it, do it while her B12 is still low. Guilt can be your friend. (they walk down the hall) Breakfast?

House: Yeah.

[Cut to lobby. Cameron and Chase step off elevator. An orderly, carrying flowers, get on.]

Chase: Happy Valentine's Day.

Cameron: A holiday that only applies to people who are already paired up. For everyone else it's Wednesday.

Chase: Wow. Thank you for that dash of cold water.

Cameron: Don't get me wrong. I still think true love's out there it's just very far away. Possibly in another galaxy. We may need to develop faster than light travel before we can make contact. (They walk outside) So I'm thinking we should have sex.

Chase: That makes sense.

Cameron: Despite the wisdom of pop songs. there's no point in putting our lives on hold 'til love comes along. We're both healthy and busy people. We work together so it's convenient.

Chase: Like microwave pizza?

Cameron: And of all the people I work with, you're the one I'm least likely to fall in love with.

Chase: Like... microwave pizza.

Cameron: The point here is to make things simpler, not more complicated. Someday there'll be time to get serious about someone. Meanwhile, we already had sex once and didn't get weird about it. So...

Chase: I get it. I get it. So, what if I'm offended by your judgement.

Cameron: Then you're not the man I'm looking for. (She walks off, he smiles and follows.)

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Season 3 X 13 : Needle in a Haystack


Original Airdate: 2/6/2007
Written by: David Foster
Directed by: Peter O'Fallon
Transcript by: Jane


[After a snowstorm. Car parked in plowed spot. Frosted over windows. Cut to interior. Leah and Stevie are making out.]

Stevie: Wait. We shouldn't...We shouldn't be doing this.

Leah: What? You're not having fun.

Stevie: (laughing) It's not that. I just...

Leah: You'd rather be with the boys?

Stevie: No!

Leah: Well then, come on.

[Knock on car window. Leah sits up and lowers the window. A flashlight shines in on Stevie.]

Cop: You kids need any help?

Leah: No. No, we're fine.

Cop: Car trouble?

Leah: No.

Cop: Then why are you here?

Leah: Uh, we're just talking.

Cop: Does she do all the talking?

Stevie: Uh. Most of it.

Cop: (laughing) I know what that's like. I'm going to come back through here in ten minutes. And, if you're still here, I'm going to call your parents.

Stevie: Yes sir. Thank you.

[Leah rolls window back up. They laugh.]

Leah: Now, where were we?

Steve: We were going.

Leah: Nine minutes. (She takes off her shirt, lays on him and starts kissing his neck. He's not enjoying it. Makes noises like he's having trouble breathing.) Sweetie, what's wrong? Oh my god! (Opens car door and goes out, shouting) Help! Someone help me! (Stevie continues to choke as Leah runs around to driver's seat and gets in.)

OPENING CREDITS

[House, driving a blue 4-door on snow-covered streets, stops and looks at sign "Parking for J. Whitner, M.D." Confused, he looks around and sees space with "Parking for House, M.D." He pulls into the space and steps out into a puddle. Unfolds collapsible cane and squishes down a hallway in PPTH. Foreman joins him]

Foreman: Sixteen year old. Respiratory arrest.

House: The only thing I hate more than a thief is a crippled thief.

Foreman: Yeah, me too. No sign of trauma. No history of asthma or allerg...

House: (interrupting) Who the hell is J. Whitner?

Foreman: No idea. Stevie Lippa, his EKG and Echocardiogram were normal.

House: Normal is good. Send him home. (Entering Diagnostics Office.) J. Whitner. Doctor. Who is he and where do I find him?

Cameron: She's a new researcher. Works with Erechevsky.

Chase: Is she hot?

Cameron: She's in a wheelchair.

Chase: Doesn't mean she's not hot.

House: Just means she can't bend over. So Cuddy has to bend over backward.

Foreman: Sixteen year old kid. ER workup revealed a bloody pleural effusion.

House: That's odd.

Foreman: Yeah. That occurred to me.

House: What took you so long to mention it?

Foreman: No tumors or pneumonia on the CT.

Chase: He passed out while making out. If he's into sex, drugs and rock and roll can't be that far behind. I'm guessing cocaine.

Foreman: Tox screen was clean.

Cameron: Just means he wasn't on drugs, not that he hasn't been using drugs.

House: (Looking at scan on light board) Looks like a plumbing problem to me. Leaky pipes.

Foreman: If he popped an aneurysm he'd be in the morgue, not the ER.

House: That's why you're going to do a venogram instead of an arteriogram. This isn't a high pressure burst, it's a low pressure leak.

Chase: It still could have been drugs that cause the pipes to corrode in the first place.

House: So go look under his mattress. See if he's got any pills or powders stashed with the hand lotion.

[Cut to lab. House looks at door, operates automatic door opener. A woman in a motorized wheelchair approaches.]

House: Sweet ride. I asked for the one with the sissy bar and the banana seat but Santa gave me this instead. (shows cane) I guess that's what I get for being naughty.

Whitner: You must be Dr. House.

House: Yeah. So, looks like there's been some sort of mix-up at the parking office.

Whitner: They had to move me closer to the door.

House: Had to? You don't look like the type to pull a weapon.

Whitner: Wheelchair.

House: Cane. I think you should do the honorable thing. Let me have my space back.

Whitner: Oh, well, uh. Since you ask so nicely...wheelchair.

House: Cane. Walking long distances makes my leg hurt.

Whitner: And it's easy for me.

House: Course not. Pushing that little lever. Thumb muscles must burn. I'm sure the last ten yards are pure torture.

Whitner: Crossing the parking lot is dangerous. Cars can't see me.

House: You ever hit a patch of black ice with a cane?

Whitner: No. Gosh, on account of the fact that I can't walk. Maybe you should ask the parking office for some crampons.

House: This is about who can most easily cross the parking lot. You're the winner.

Whitner: Oh, and the prize is apparently a parking space. (House leaves)

[Cut to Stevie's room. He is coughing. Leah is holding his hand.]

Foreman: There's still no answer at either one of your parents' cell numbers. Is there any other way we might be able to contact them?

Stevie: No. They're at a conference. They probably had to turn them off or something.

Leah: What does it matter where they are? I mean he's in pain. You gotta do something.

Foreman: We need them to sign this.

Leah: Why can't he just sign the papers? He's sixteen.

Foreman: Still not an adult.

Leah: Then call my parents. They know him. And they'll take responsibility, do whatever you need.

Foreman: I can't.

Leah: You can't just let him sit here in agony until his parent finally decide...

Stevie: Leah, it's okay.

Leah: No. It's not.

Stevie: I feel like there's an anvil sitting on my chest. (Monitor alarm goes off. Foreman pulls out stethoscope and listens to Stevie's chest.)

Foreman: You win. We're doing the venogram now. We'll deal with the fallout later.

[Cut to procedure room. Stevie's veins are projected on screen.]

Stevie: My fingers feel wet.

Foreman: That's just the dye. Your nerves can't tell the difference between the cold inside your body and the wet outside your body.

Stevie: The nerves can't tell the difference or the brain can't interpret the difference?

Foreman: A little of both. You like science? (Pulls the screen closer with his foot. Stevie looks at it.)

Stevie: Looks like a diffusion pattern.

Foreman: That's because it's the venous side. Low pressure.

Stevie: So Graham's Law applies.

Foreman: You taking physics already?

Stevie: No. Just sort of read up on my own.

Foreman: Had to teach myself a lot of stuff too. School sucked where I grew up. You go to public or private?

Stevie: Public. Nick has to be in the pulmonary veins to get in my lungs, right?

Foreman: Yup.

Stevie: I don't see anything, do you?

Foreman: No.

Stevie: Doesn't make sense. How can I have a bloody effusion without any bleeding?

[Cut to a house. Chase enters, followed by Cameron.]

Cameron: This is putrid.

Chase: Put food-borne parasites and infections on the list to check on. I'll take the bedroom.

[Cameron continues to walk through the downstairs as Chase goes upstairs. Cut to Chase opening a door.]

Woman: Oh. (Couple in bed. She falls out. They pull covers around themselves during following.)

Chase: Oh. Sorry. I didn't know there was anyone... We were just...

Woman: I have a gun.

Man: Look, you can take whatever you want. My wallet's in my suit. (Cameron runs upstairs.)

Woman: Freeze. (Cameron jumps and puts hands up.)

Man: I'm calling the cops.

Chase: Okay. You don't have a gun. And you're not calling the cops.

Man: Oh no, I'm calling the cops. Unless you two get out of here right now.

Chase: Unless? Who calls the cops "unless" a burglar does something. You don't want to have to explain the affair.

Woman: We're not having an affair.

Chase: He's got a ring. You don't. And judging from the state of the kitchen downstairs and the half-vacuumed bedroom, I'm guessing you're a better lover than you are a maid.

Woman: Maid? You son of a bitch. I'm not a maid, okay? This is my house, not his.

Chase: Ah, sorry.

Woman. And what's wrong with my kitchen?

Cameron: Nothing. We're sorry. We're just here to help Stevie.

Woman: Who's Stevie?

Cameron: Your...son?

Woman: Huh?

[Cut to Stevie's room.]

Chase: It was the address you gave.

Stevie: The ER must have written it down wrong.

Cameron: Or you lied because you don't want us to talk to your parents.

Stevie: I gave you their phone numbers.

Foreman: You gave us some numbers. We haven't been able to reach anyone.

Stevie: I told you, they must be in a conference.

Leah: He's lying.

Stevie: Leah.

Leah: He's Romany. A gypsy.

Cameron: So you don't have a home?

Stevie: Of course we do. What, next you're going to ask about dancing about campfires and stealing children? This is why I don't tell people.

Leah: They share everything with each other and nothing with the gadje. The outsiders.

Stevie: Sharing information with outsiders has not gone so well for my people.

Foreman: Well, right now, you're making you more vulnerable by lying to us.

Stevie: You can't go to my house. You'll pollute it.

Foreman: All we're going to do is look around.

Leah: Your presence is enough.

Stevie: My parents take it seriously. It's spiritual as much as it is physical.

Chase: (to Leah) You know where he lives?

Stevie: Don't. Look, I'll tell you whatever you need to know.

Chase: If we can't trust your answers...

Stevie: I drink sometimes. Okay, I've smoked pot. I'll tell you anything. The truth. You just... (coughs) you can't go in my home.

Cameron: The pot wouldn't cause a bleeding problem. A pesticide on the pot could. Where did you get it?

Stevie: Some kid at school.

Leah: Stevie! He got the pot from me. He doesn't even go to school. His parents made him drop out.

Stevie: I'm home schooled.

Leah: He reads books.

Foreman: What else are you lying about? Is your father really a professor?

Stevie: He's a salesman.

Leah: They buy and sell anything they can get their hands on.

Foreman: They. So you're with your dad while he's making these deals.

Leah: He was just in Chicago, a week ago.

Foreman: You fly?

Stevie: No. My dad's got a truck.

[Cut to Cuddy's office]

Cuddy: (laughs) You can't be serious.

House: Actually I can. (Makes "serious" face) See. It's my space and I want it back.

Cuddy: It's not your space. It's the hospital's space. And the hospital thinks the person who's worse off should get the better space. Your application for a handicapped space says you can walk 50 yards.

House: And Whitner's says she can roll 50 miles between oil changes. I can't change my leg.

Cuddy: The space I moved you to is only 46 yards away from the front door. I measured. You'll be fine.

House: Great. So I can collapse four yards into the lobby instead of outside in the cold.

Cuddy: As long as it's not in my office.

House: You know who won the New York City marathon six years in a row? Guy in a wheelchair!

Cuddy: Then go get yourself one and leave me alone.

House: Give me my space, I'll be happy to roll around in one all day.

Cuddy: You couldn't last a week in a wheelchair.

House: Wanna bet?

[Cut to wheelchair in a hallway. Pan up to see it is House. The fellows approach.]

Cameron: What's wrong with you?

House: Nothing that a week off my feet won't solve.

Foreman: Venogram's negative. No leak.

House: You mean you couldn't find the leak.

Cameron: Is your leg worse?

House: No. My parking spot is. Blood is only made inside the circulatory system. Which means when you find outside...

Foreman: There's no leak. I even checked lymphatics.

Cameron: You're going to spend a week in a wheelchair just to get a parking closer to the front door.

House: Easier than chopping off my legs.

Foreman: We've ruled out toxins and drugs.

Chase: Kind of. He's Romany. Apparently they feel the need to keep secrets so it's hard to know anything for sure.

House: Yeah. He's also a human being. Which means you shouldn't be trusting him to begin with. Stop relying on his answers and find some on your own.

Foreman: It's a deep vein thrombosis. The kid spent 16 hours in the back seat of an old pickup. Causes a clot and makes its way to his lungs. We should do an arteriogram and find the clot and bust it with TPA.

House: Or we should find the leak.

Foreman: There's no leak.

House: Hey. You can't yell at a guy in a wheelchair. This is a slow leak. You gotta speed it up. Thin his blood, redo the venogram.

Cameron: That could cause a massive bleed.

House: (backing onto elevator) Excellent. Massive will be even easier to find. Pardon me. I guess you guys are going to have to get the next one.

[Cut to procedure room]

Stevie: I thought you were redoing the venogram?

Foreman: As soon as we're done with the arteriogram.

Cameron: Okay. You're going to feel a little poke.

Stevie: (to Foreman) Can you maybe do that?

Cameron: It's okay, it's just your leg. I don't have to go any further than this.

Foreman: (puts up x-ray) Take a look at this. Bones of your forearm.

Stevie: Uh. Radius and ulna.

Foreman: How about the wrist?

Stevie: Um. Lunate. Hamate, The...

Cameron: Scared lovers try positions they can't handle. (Foreman and Stevie look at her) It's a mnemonic for the wrist bones. It's the only way I can remember them.

Stevie: Ow.

Foreman: You all right?

Stevie: Ow, my stomach.

Foreman: You hit something?

Cameron: I haven't started.

Foreman: Lie flat.

Stevie: Oh, no I can't. It hurts too much.

Cameron: I'm getting out.

Foreman: It's the only chance to see what's going on.

Cameron: If he moves, I could shred his artery.

Stevie: Get it out, now!

Foreman: It's going to be okay, Stevie. Just inject the dye.

Cameron: Dye's going into his liver but it's not coming out.

Foreman: The clot's gotta be constricting the flow in the hepatic vein.

Cameron: It's not constricting it, it's completely blocking it. His whole liver's fried.

[Cut to House wheeling into clinic. Bumps into Foreman]

Foreman: Ow. The kid's liver's failing because of massive clots blocking his hepatic vein. How can he have both a bleed and a clot?

House: (flipping open charts - the clinic desk is just above his armpit level.) It's not a clot. You must have blocked the vein with a catheter wire.

Cameron: Not a chance.

Chase: Increased pressure downstream could also stop the blood.

Foreman: There's no heart failure or chirrosis. Means it has to be a clot.

House: Massive clots block veins, they don't even leak. Since he clearly has some kind of... (puts the charts together, can't reach the box they go in.)

Cuddy: You having a little problem?

House: (to nurse) Would you mind? (she takes them) Boy, that was humiliating. How does Whitner make it through the day?

Cuddy: Pride goeth before the fall.

House: Lucky for me, I'm sitting in one of these babies. So, what other theories can I shoot down?

Cameron: DIC would explain both the...

House: His platelets are normal. His PCT isn't elevated.

Chase: Leukemia?

House: Normal CBC and...differential? You guys are still thinking like doctors when you should be thinking like plumbers. Come on, I wanna see some butt crack. Something inside the liver is punching holes in the pipes. Blood bleeds through the openings, sticks to the intruder, forms a mass.

Foreman: A clot.

House: A mass.

Chase: A cancer, a tumor could erode a blood vessel.

Foreman: So could a granuloma from tuberculosis or sarcoidosis.

House: Do a CT, MRI, sputum and ACE level. Excuse me, sorry, cripple coming through.

[Cut to Clinic exam room]

Mother: He says his throat hurts.

House: That phrasing means you think it doesn't.

Mother: No, I don't.

House: Good enough for me. (starts to leave)

Mother: Where are you going?

House: Mothers know best. Get yourself a sucker on the way out.

Mother: Look, I think he's just faking so he doesn't have to go to school.

House: How did you know I was a truant officer?

Mother: I told him he had a choice - go to school or the doctor.

House: Right. He's wasting your precious time so you decided to waste mine. How thoughtful. I'm in a wheelchair so I can't examine him all the way up there. (to Jack) Hop down. My life is just one horror after another. Open.

Mother: (peering in) Does it look like it hurts?

House: Nope. (he crashes into table and pulls out a huge syringe)

Mother: What's that?

House: Syringe. I'm with you. Make him hate the doctor's office more than he hates school.

Mother: That's okay. I don't... I don't think that...

House: It's just saline. It hurts like hell when it's injected directly into the muscle. (Jack hides behind mom) So, what do you think? Arm or ass?

Mother: I think he's learned his lesson.

House: Oh, I don't know. You'd better check. Jack, is your mommy a big, fat idiot? (Jack nods) Well, what do you know! I guess you were right.

[Cut to MRI. Stevie going in.]

Foreman: Just hold still, Stevie. This shouldn't take long.

Stevie: (nods) Sorry, I'm guessing the mike in this thing doesn't pick up nods.

Cameron: Smart kid.

Foreman: Too bad it's all going to go to waste.

Chase: Nothing wrong with being a salesman.

Foreman: He should be able to pursue his own life, not be stuck helping his parents sell old toasters.

Cameron: He's still young. You never know what he'll wind up doing.

Foreman: Listen, unless he goes back to school, I know exactly what he'll end up doing. Wait. Is that a lesion?

Chase: Magnifying times 5.

Cameron: It's a granuloma.

Foreman: That means Wegener's is most likely. (noise as door to room is opened)

Judy: Stevie

Stevie: Mom, is that you?

Franklin: Hey, hey.

Judy: Get him out of this now.

Foreman: Your son is sick. The sign on the door says...

Franklin: The sign says "no metal." We took everything off.

Foreman: It says "no admittance."

Franklin: What's wrong with our son?

Cameron: We don't know yet.

Judy: He's not going to die, is he?

Foreman: Your son is very ill. We're still trying to figure out why. Which is why we need you to leave the room. (they leave)

[Cut to parking lot. House is wheeling across the snow toward his car. He sideslips into it and stops with a big grin on his face and his tongue sticking out. He opens the passenger-side front door.]

Foreman: What are you going to do now?

House: Oh, now I've gotta slide my butt from one padded seat to another. What if I bump my knee?

Foreman: MRI showed a granuloma in his liver.

House: (swings into car) Fantastic. Wanna give me a hand here? (indicates wheelchair)

Foreman: No. Clotting, bleeding and a granuloma equals Wegener's.

House: I know. That's why I said "fantastic." I was being sincere. Now give me a hand.

Foreman: Wouldn't be fair. We're going to biopsy the liver to confirm.

House: It wouldn't be fair not to. People are good and kind and gentle and help people in wheelchairs.

Foreman: No.

House: You do.

Foreman: No, I don't.

House: Foreman, forget the biopsy. His liver will be gone before you get the results. Start treatment with cyclophosphamide before the Wegener's punches a hole in another pipe. (Foreman leaves as House wrestles chair into car. He can't reach the door to close it. Turns on car, backs up quickly and brakes hard. The door slams shut. Smug grin.)

[Cut to Stevie's room. He is eating soup.]

Foreman: What's with the clothes? You're not getting discharged.

Stevie: I know. It... it's my parents. They insist I wear this stuff.

Foreman: We insist on our own gown, food and furnishings for a reason.

Stevie: It... my, my chest burns. Are you sure the treatments are working?

Foreman: Wegener's causes the body to attack itself. It doesn't get undone overnight. Be patient.

Judy: (enters and starts unfolding a blanket) Where's your soup?

Foreman: It's in the garbage.

Judy: It has willow bark extract.

Foreman: Willow bark extract is basically aspirin.

Judy: Yes, for the fever.

Foreman: He's already on meds. Our meds. We can't risk any adverse interactions. We need all this stuff to go. We need to control this environment.

Franklin: So do we. People get sick for a reason, because something in their life is out of balance.

Stevie: Dad. He's a doctor. He doesn't want to hear your talk.

Judy: Balance is just starting to be restored now that that girl is gone.

Foreman: That girl took pretty good care of your son while you were away.

Judy: Yes, we can see that.

Foreman: All this stuff may make him feel more comfortable but it's not gonna...

Franklin: How long is this treatment gonna take?

Foreman: We should start to see some improvement in his liver functions soon.

Judy: (skeptical) Soon! Very scientific.

Stevie: I'm sorry.

Foreman: Be back in a little bit to check on you.

[Cut to men's room. House wheels in.]

Wilson: Ah yes, if it isn't Dr. Ironside.

House: (removing gloves) Ah, if it isn't Dr. I-Had-No-Friends-When-I-Was-Growing-Up-So-All-I-Did-Was-Watch-TV-By-Myself-Which-Is-Why-I-Can-Now-Make-Constant-Pop-Culture-References-Which-No-One-Understands-But-Me.

Wilson: That's my name. Don't wear it out. (House starts to stand) Uh uh.

House: (sits back down) Safe from Cuddy but I guess not from her trusted ratcomplice.

Wilson: (stepping away from the urinal, buckling his belt) Reasonable people don't debate the relative merits of their handicapped.

House: Reasonable people make rules based on evidence. Like difficulty covering a distance - say 50 yards. Not some pre-ordained patheticness scale.

Wilson: Last I checked, pig-headedness was not the eighth heavenly virtue.

House: It's only pig-headed if you're wrong. If you're right we call it sticking to your principles. (backs chair into stall and closes door)

Wilson: Give it up. You're demeaning yourself.

House: That's what they told Rosa Parks.

Wilson: Don't stand up in there. I'm watching your feet. (leaves)

[Cut to Stevie's room]

Franklin: Get out of our home!

Leah: This is not a home. It's certainly not...

Judy: It's our home as long as our son is here.

Stevie: Mom, dad, would you just please just calm down.

Franklin: You're not family. You have no right to be here.

Leah: What are you going to do? Throw me out? You can't even touch the gadje.

Judy: I'll touch you.

Foreman: What is going on?

Leah: I'm the one who brought him here. I should be able to see how he's doing.

Judy: He wouldn't even need to be here if it weren't for you.

Leah: Right. I'm so unclean, I caused his liver to shut down.

Foreman: Enough. No one is leaving.

Franklin: He's our son and we want her out of here.

Stevie: Uhhhhh! (doubles over) Uhhh uhhh, it hurts!

Foreman: Is it your stomach again?

Stevie: Uh uh uh, no.

Wilson: What? (peels back blanket. lots of blood around groin)

Stevie: Uhfh!

[Cut to Diagnostics Office]

Foreman: Liver's actually improving. We plug one hole and end up poking another.

House: We talking about the patient or how to get a raise from Cuddy?

Foreman: The Wegener's treatment gave him a massive hemorrhage in his bladder.

House: Which means... it's Wegener's.

Foreman: What did I just say?

Cameron: We were treating him for Wegener's when everything went wrong.

House: Not everything.

Foreman: Yeah. It was a very lovely day outside. On the other hand, the treatment made him worse!

House: The treatment made his bladder worse, not his liver.

Chase: Clot in the liver is breaking up.

House: And MRI, sputum and ACE ruled out TB, sarcoidosis and lymphoma. Which leaves us with...

Cameron: Still could be a cancer with multiple...

House: A cancer we can't see on MRI, CT or blood tests?

Foreman: It's Wegener's.

House: It's not the wrong diagnosis. It's the wrong treatment.

Foreman: We could increase immunosuppression. Add methotrexate.

Chase: We can't give methotrexate to a kid who's already had lung problems.

House: (doing wheelies) Methotrexate is carpet bombing. Hits everything. We need a smart bomb. We don't suppress the immune system. We change it. Immune modulation. FT-28. His antibodies are attacking his blood vessels. The irritation causes them to bleed and clot. We change his immune system so the antibodies don't interact with his blood vessels but work fine everywhere else.

Cameron: FT-28 is still experimental. It's not FDA approved.

House: It's worked for Crohn's Disease and Rheumatoid Arthritis.

Chase: He doesn't have Crohn's or arthritis.

House: Let's say that he does. And start the treatment.

[Cut to hallway outside Stevie's room]

Franklin: Absolutely not. My people have been experimented on before. Never again.

Foreman: Mr. Lippa, with all due respect, comparing this hospital with Auschweitz...It's ridiculous. And FT-28's been proven safe in hundreds...

Franklin: Why do they always say you can trust them? Why would they say anything else? Why do they think we would listen?

Foreman: Hey, hey, hey. Do you think I don't understand what it's like to come from a people who've been enslaved, mistreated and experimented on? Tuskegee went on for 28 years after World War II.

Franklin: And the laws that made it illegal for the Romany to even set foot in this state were still on the books until 1998. It's not ancient history.

Foreman: Conventional therapy hasn't worked. Your son may be dying. He needs a targeted approach and you need to trust us.

Judy: I'm sorry. A lifetime of experiences tells me I can't trust you and the past three days have done nothing to change that.

Franklin: We want our son treated, not experimented on. If you don't know how to do that, then just tell us so we can take him someplace where they do.

[Cut to hallway]

House: They're absolutely right. Stay away from that unproven experimental stuff. Much better to stick with the moving the furniture until he gets better approach.

Foreman: Yes, you're right. We're going to have to come up with something else.

House: You mean another last ditch desperation move? You got anything? Go back and don't take "no" for an answer. What kind of salesman are you?

Foreman: The kind who avoids the house with the crazy couple who put tin foil over their windows.

House: They got money for tin foil, they got money for whatever you're selling.

Foreman: What's that mean? (House sees Dr. Whitner coming down the hall, starts maneuvering to intercept her)

House: It means that if they don't trust you, you should earn that lack of trust.

Foreman: What does paying for tin foil mean?

House: Why should I have to answer all the questions? (wedges Whitner against the wall) Ooops. Sorry, still getting used to the power steering. (Foreman leaves) I assume you've heard the news.

Whitner: I'm not worried. From what I hear, what you lack in shame, you also lack in willpower.

House: My will may be weak but my backbone is strong. And pain-free now that I've stopped using the cane. Of course it's harder to look down Cuddy's shirt. But then the vantage point on her ass is much improved. But then that's just me - always looking on the bright side. I'm the guy who said her c-cups are half full.

Whitner: They are nice, aren't they?

House: (growling noise) No, no, no, no, no. You're not going to win me over that easily. You may have a wheel. That doesn't mean you get the grease. You gotta squeak.

[Cut to Stevie's room. Lots of visitors.]

Franklin: What's that?

Foreman: It's a cyclophosphamide. We're continuing the standard treatment as you requested. Um, I have to ask everyone to leave the room for a few minutes while I apply some bandages.

Judy: Why do we have to leave?

Foreman: Uh, they're for his penis. (Franklin gestures and they all file out)

Stevie: You lied to them. The bleeding stopped. I don't need any bandages.

Foreman: We need to change your treatment. But your parents won't let us. They've got it in their minds that we want to try some sort of inhuman experiment on you.

Stevie: The treatment is experimental?

Foreman: FT-28's been through extensive clinical trials. It's also been used successfully for other conditions.

Stevie: The fact that you're recommending experimental treatment means that you have no other options.

Foreman: I'm sorry. We stop the pleural effusions, your liver almost fails. We save your liver, the bladder fails. If we don't get ahead of the curve on this...

Stevie: What do you need me to do?

Foreman: Take the medicine but don't tell your parents.

Stevie: I don't like lying to my parents.

Foreman: The rest of the world, though...

Stevie: The rest of the world, I can't trust.

Foreman: You can trust me.

Stevie: How do I know?

Foreman: Because if you do this, then tell your parents, I lose my license.

Stevie: (nods) Ow. Ow, ow, ow. God! (doubles over)

Foreman: (to intercom) Get in here.

[Cut to OR]

Dr. Simpson: Wow. Spleen basically exploded, huh. Got another bleeder. 2-O silk on a stick. Got it. (House watches from gallery. Surgeon puts spleen in bowl) I believe you ordered your meat rare.

Foreman: Keep him open. If I confirm Wegener's, we might as well stage the disease while he's still on the table.

House: (on intercom) What's taking so long? (rings for elevator)

Foreman: External capsules ruptured but still intact. No signs of a clot or a bleed. Normal follicles, normal lymphoid tissue.

House: The spleen is ripped to shreds. There's gotta be granulomas. Keep looking.

Dr. Simpson: Come on. We can't leave Humpty Dumpty like this forever.

Foreman: I don't see anything but normal spleen. No granuloma.

Nurse: Means no Wegener's.

Dr. Simpson: That's all I need to know. Let's go, people.

House: Run his bowel.

Dr. Simpson: No need. I'm closing. (House rings for elevator, glancing over his back where the operation is proceding.) Suture.

(House starts down stairs in his wheelchair. Barges into OR)

House: Run his bowel.

Dr. Simpson: Nothing suspicious in the spleen. Get him out of here.

House: You missed it. He had a granuloma in his liver.

Dr. Simpson: No, it was just scar tissue. Looked like a granuloma on the MRI but it's not. I don't know why I'm debating this. Pass me the Kelly clamp. I'm closing.

House: (standing, wearing one glove and a half-on gown but no mask) Not unless you're going to sew my hand in this kid's stomach.

Dr. Simpson: Get out of there. He's unstable.

House: He's got Wegener's. Which means he's got granulomas.

Dr. Simpson: I'm calling my lawyer.

House: It's only 26 feet. If he were an ostrich, you'd have a 46 foot wait.

Foreman: Blood pressure's dropping.

House: (running bowel) Hang another bag of Ringer's lactate.

Nurse: I'm having nothing to do with this.

House: Foreman, hang another bag...

Foreman: Ringer's lactate. Got it.

House: Come on, come on. It's gotta be in here. (finishes) But it's not.

Dr. Simpson: Mind if we close?

House: Well, it's a good thing we never sold him on FT-28. His parents were right.

[Cut to Stevie's room. Parents hug. Cut to Diagnostics Office.]

Cameron: There's no way his parents are going to let us near him again.

Foreman: They won't be able to transfer him until he's recovered from the surgery.

Chase: You can add the surgical team to the list of people who won't let us near him.

House: Bleeds, clots, bleeds, clots. Spleen explodes.

Foreman: We should test him for Von Willebrand's.

House: Or, let's play tic tac toe. Okay, Xs are bleeds, Os are clots. Started in the lungs, right? What did we do?

Foreman: CT, sputum, two venograms.

House: (marking a human body chart) That's one bleed, one clot. Then what?

Foreman: Liver shut down. MRI, labs. Treated with cyclophosphamide.

House: Whereupon, he peed out three units of O negative. And a bleed.

Cameron: Where is this going?

House: I don't know yet. What's next?

Chase: Bladder, kidney.

Foreman: High resolution CT scan and UA and urine sediment.

House: GI tract?

Chase: You ran the small bowel in the OR.

House: Large bowel is fixed to the abdominal wall. I didn't run that.

Cameron: Because there's not reason to. He hasn't been having any symptoms in his bowels.

House: Do a colonoscopy.

Cameron: Because he's had no symptoms?

House: You lose your keys, the first thing you do is look everywhere you might logically have placed them. When you don't find them, then you start looking in other places - the medicine cabinet, freezer, mailbox. We need to in this kid's mailbox.

Cameron: Why don't we x-ray his feet? They're fine too.

House: Because we need to take the center square to block. (holds up chart)

Cameron: Okay, even if that did make sense, it's kind of hard to do a colonoscopy on a kid you can't get near.

Foreman: He's in the ICU now. His parents only have limited visiting privileges. (leaves)

House: I like that kid. He's got spunk. (leaves, followed by Chase. Cameron stands there)

[Cut to waiting area outside ICU. Foreman peeks around a corner. House peeks around a corner.]

House: Can't talk now. On guard duty.

Wilson: You're still in that thing.

House: What thing? Oh this? Forgot it was even there.

Wilson: You know, even if you manage not to get struck down by a bolt of lightening and make it a week, Cuddy's not going to give you the space. She can't.

House: A bet's a bet.

Wilson: Yes. And that rule outranks the Americans with Disabilities Act. You think you've got logic on your side. But Whitner's got the legal system. And legal beats logic every time. Just ask OJ.

House: You're right.

Wilson: I am?

House: Yeah.

Wilson: So you're doing this even though you know you've got no legal leg to stand on.

House: Who needs legs when you got wheels. I'm gonna get that spot. (loudly) No way Cuddy is going to gyp me.

Franklin: What'd you say?

House: I'll see you later. Gonna have them yelling at me for the next 20 minutes.

[Cut to ICU]

Chase: Mucosa looks normal, healthy. No lonely diverticular.

Foreman: Blood pressure's dropping. He's bleeding again.

Chase: I'm in his colon.

Foreman: (looks out to check on House's argument with the Lippas) Hurry up.

Chase: I am. There's nothing there.

Foreman: Wait, wait. What's that.

Cameron: The reflection?

Foreman: No, it's something. Looks like a...

[Cut to hallway. Foreman is talking to the Lippas]

Foreman: Toothpick.

Franklin: Are you sure?

Foreman: He must have swallowed it accidentally and just figured he'd digest it eventually. When you two were making out in the car he must have folded awkwardly, pushed the toothpick through the wall of the intestine and into the lung. Then it moved on to his liver and made its way to his bladder and spleen.

Leah: So that's it. He's going to be okay.

Foreman: Yup. Small holes. It shouldn't take that long to heal now that we've got it out.

Franklin: See. See what you did?

Leah: Me?

Judy: If you hadn't been kissing him...

Leah: That's what you heard? It was the toothpick. It was that disgusting habit.

Franklin: It would have passed right through if he hadn't been writhing around. Isn't that right? (but Foreman has left)

[Cut to Stevie's room. Foreman shows him toothpick in a vial]

Stevie: That's it?

Foreman: Yeah. That's it. Wood absorbs water. Becomes the same density as the tissue around it. That's why it didn't show up on the CT or MRI.

Stevie: That's cool. I mean, not cool for me but... A lot of damage for something so small.

Foreman: You know, the lab here have a paid intern position. It's usually given to one of the kids from the universities but, if you want, I could probably get you an interview. There's some entry level stuff, some gofer work. But you'd also have access to a lot of cool things.

Stevie: Thanks, for everything, but I can't.

Foreman: Yes you can. Stevie, you're bright. You have more curiosity than 90% of the doctors on this staff.

Stevie: Ah. It's not that. It's just... I go to work every day with my family, you know? People I've known my whole life. I don't wanna lose that.

Foreman: You could have both.

Stevie: No I can't.

Foreman: Because they don't want to let you. They shouldn't be making you choose.

Stevie: Maybe not but, they are. I'm choosing them.

Foreman: Change is hard. Trust me. I know. But it worked out for me.

Stevie: You're a successful doctor. Your name is on journal articles. I would love that. It's just, I see you with doctors Chase and Cameron and you all got empty ring fingers. You're alone.

[Cut to exterior. House is leaving]

Cuddy: Oh ho ho ho.

House: This is my last day living the life of leisure. So, are you going to tell Dr. Whitner she's out of my space or can I?

Cuddy: Why would I do that?

House: Because, you said that you would. And lying is wrong.

Cuddy: I said I would give you the space if you made it a whole week...

House: Which I...

Cuddy: You didn't. The bet didn't stipulate that you had to be in the chair for a week unless you had to barge into an operating room and shove your hands in a kid's bowels.

House: How'd you know about that?

Cuddy: You lost.

House: I saved a life. Two minutes out of the chair to save a kid's life.

Cuddy: You lost, House.

House: I earned that space.

Cuddy: No you didn't.

House: I earn that space every day I limp into that building and do my damn job.

Cuddy: You lo-hos-ost.

House: Hey (lurches out of chair and lurches up to Cuddy) You were never going to give me that space, were you? I saw Whitner the other day. She knew about the bet. Didn't seem that worried.

Cuddy: She knew I'd win.

House: She doesn't know me. In fact she doesn't know anything except what you tell her. And you told her that you were never going to give me that space, didn't you? Just tell me - do you at least feel a little guilty? If you want to teach me lessons, don't make commitments you can't keep. (Cuddy heads toward the hospital, House turns to parking lot. Wilson approaches)

Wilson: How's it going?

House: How guilty does she look?

Wilson: Hmm. About an eight.

House: That space is mine. Veni, vidi, vici.

[Closing montage. Stevie wheeled to exit by his dad. Stands up. Mom hugs him. Foreman, dressed to leave, watches from balcony. At door, Stevie turns, makes eye contact with Foreman. They both nod. House limping toward parking lot. Foreman having dinner. Fully laid out table. Reading something on a clipboard. House reaches lot. Workman is fixing sign to say "Parking for House, M.D."]