Season 2 X 24 : No Reason

Original Airdate: 5/23/2006
Written by: Lawrence Kaplow & David Shore
Directed by: David Shore
Transcript by: Mari

BEGINNING

[Camera pulls out of clinic patient's (Vince) mouth. His tongue is swollen and face is red.]

[Cut to House, Cameron, Chase and Foreman in the office.]

House: He's got a temperature of 103.

Foreman (annoyed): And why do we care?

House: Because we're human beings. It's what we do. He said he was at a lunch-in meeting.

Cameron: You took his history?

House: Guy looks like Harpo. You should see him.

Chase: You asked him what book he's currently reading.

House: It's hilarious to watch him try to talk. I asked him anything I could think of. Favorite colour: [impersonating patient] bwew.

[Cut to House with patient in clinic]

House: Favorite... desert topping? [Vince looks at him with annoyed face] Trust me. You never know what fact may prove the key to saving your life.

Vince: Whip creme.

[Cut back to office with House, Cameron, Chase and Foreman.]

House: I asked him if he was sure. [Looks at Foreman, who is packing up his bag.] Where are you going?

Foreman: You're an ass.

House: I know. Where are you going?

Foreman: This is either a toxin, an infection or an allergic reaction. I assume you gave him Epi so that rules out allergies. So put him on antibiotics incase it's an infection and if it's a toxin we'll keep him here overnight, let the swelling go down, send him home. I'm goin' to the movies.

[Man enters office.]

Man: Which one of you is House?

House: Skinny brunette.

Man: No that's Dr. Cameron.

House: I'm skinny. How do you know her name?

Man: I was a patient of yours.

House: Well, if you wanna leave the chocolates downstairs -

[Man pulls out a gun and shoots House in the right side of his abdomen. Cameron gasps and puts her hands to her chest. House struggles to stand, but falls beside the White Board.]

Man: [Chase and Foreman begin to rush over to House.] Stay! Stay away from him. [House makes eye contact with the man.] Shocking, isn't it? Who would want to hurt you? [Man aims gun at House again and fires at the camera (which would be House's view). Credits.]

[Cut to House sleeping in hospital bed. His finger twitches and he slowly moves his hand up to feel his stubble.]

House: [Looks over to see Cameron reading a book.] You're pathetic. Judging by the growth I'd say I've been unconscious for two days. You've been sitting there the whole time.

Cameron (quickly): No.

House: Judging by the oily build-up in your hair I'd say you're lying.

Cameron: I was scared, pardon me for caring.

[House motions for water.]

House: Did I lose any organs?

Cameron: The bullet to your abdomen pierced your stomach, nicked the bowel, lodged in the posterior rib.

House: Well I always say, if you're gonna get shot do it in a hospital.

Cameron: The one in your neck -

House: I don't remember that one.

Cameron: - went right through, severed your jugular. The shooter turns out to be a guy who -

House: Don't care.

Cameron: You don't care why a guy walked into a hospital and shot a doctor - shot you?

House: I assume his reasoning was faulty. [Cameron looks displeased.] So what was it? Infection?

Cameron: The surgery went fine. You've had no post-op -

House: Not me. The patient - Harpo.

Cameron: You just got shot House. You should rest.

House: I got shot - diagnostically boring. Big fat tongue, on the other hand - endlessly entertaining. Cameron: We biopsied his tongue.

[Cut to, painful looking, tongue biopsy.]

[Cut back to Intensive Care Unit.]

House: And it was negative. And the bloody tests were negative.

Cameron: I didn't say we did blood tests.

House: You don't biopsy a tongue unless you have to biopsy a tongue and you don't have to biopsy a tongue unless you've already come up with nothing on a routine battery of tests, which don't involve torturing the patient. Any other symptoms other than the increased intracranial pressure? [Cameron looks surprised.] Any guesses on how I figured that one out?

Cameron: You knew the next step would be a lumbar puncture. A lumbar puncture would almost certainly give us a definitive answer. Since we don't have a definitive answer, we must not have done an LP and the most common reason to not do an LP is increased intracranial pressure. [House sees his shooter wheeled in, handcuffed to his bed.] He was shot by security try to... [House takes off heart and breathing rate wires.] House, what are you... House.

House: I'm talking to Cuddy. [Gets out of gurney.]

Cameron: Lie down. You've got to be in pain.

House: Not today. Today I'm on Morphine.

[Cut to House walking through doors into hallway. Cameron catches up to him.]

Cameron: You're gonna rip your stitches out.

House: Check Harpo's trash.

Cameron: Forget about the patient.

House: Come on... you're curious. Trash? You don't know what I'm talking about, but you know it's good.

Cameron: You can't just be walking around.

House: Well then stop me.

Cameron: You've lost blood -

House: Physically, stop me.

Cameron: You could damage your -

House: You can't, 'cause that would involve physically touching me and then things would get so sexually charged - [Cameron grabs his IV and arm. They stare for a moment and Cameron begins to look uncomfortable.] I'm twice your size - get your hands off me.

Cameron: Everything that lives eats. Everything that eats poops. That's why every organ has a sanitation department - the lyphm system. What's doing the damage is dumping it's waste in there. That's what you meant by trash.

House: [smiles] Biopsy the lymph node under the jaw.

[Cut to House walking bare-footed into Cuddy's office.]

Cuddy: I'm sorry, I know it's crazy, but there's no other place. It's the ICU - it stands for intensive care. He needs intensive care, so do you.

House: He needs to be shot again.

Cuddy: He is handcuffed to his bed, he is sedated, he's not gonna to hurt you.

House: If you're security was any good I wouldn't have been shot in the first place.

Cuddy: He is where he's supposed to be - where you're supposed to be.

House: Who did my surgery?

Cuddy: Gillec. Why are you gonna send him a fruit basket?

House: He screwed up.

Cuddy: It's annoying enough dealing with your Vicodin habit, quit upping your Morphine.

House: I'm not. I'm reducing it.

Cuddy: And you're not in pain?

House: I'm feeling better.

Cuddy: Gillec is very good. Your recovery time should be -

House: My stomach kills me, my neck is throbbing, my leg feels better.

Cuddy (astonished): That's amazing.

House: It's unbelievable, since getting shot is not an FDA approved treatment for anything it means something must have gone wrong in the surgery.

Cuddy: Yes... terribly, tragically wrong. Enjoy the mistake.

House: He must have nicked something in my peripheral nervous system. If it's alleviating pain, who knows what else it's doing.

Cuddy: Get back to the ICU before you rip out your stitches and I have to chain you to your bed.

[Cut to House standing over the shooter's (Jack) bed. House decreases Jack's Morphine supply to wake him up with pain.]

House: Why did you try to kill me?

Jack: I didn't.

House: Then the gun thing might have been a mistake.

Jack: If I had to kill you, it would have been over. I need you to live. Cause I wanna see you suffer.

[House pulls out Jack's Morphine drip and lies back down in his bed.]

[Cut to Chase and Foreman doing lymph node biopsy. Vince's tongue beings to rapidly swell up.]

Foreman: Woah woah woah, get the needle out of there.

Chase: He can't breathe.

[Chase intubates him through his neck.]

[Cut to ICU with Cameron, Foreman and Chase (CFC) standing by House's bed.]

Cameron (quietly): House. The test was negative.

Chase: You sure you wanna be doing this?

House: I'm fine, I think. Cameron, you got my records?

Cameron: They don't like to release patients operative notes.

House: And yet you're holding them. And whispering.

Cameron: [motions to Jack] He's sleeping. [Chase rolls his eyes.]

House: Yeah... Killer needs his rest. Otherwise he's grumpy all day. [whacks Jack's bed with his cane] Hey! Wake up! Watch me save a life.

Foreman: Almost for sure it's some sort of infection. We've got him on broad spectrum antibiotics, but it's not even slowing the thing down. Unless we figure out what type of infection, we can't treat. We can't figure out what type because we can't do an LP.

House: Do an LP. [looks in Jack's direction] See what I did there? Couldn't have done that if you killed me.

Foreman: We would have done an LP two days ago if we could, but that much pressure something's bound to go -

Chase: We would have done an LP two days ago if the risks hadn't so obviously outweighed the benefits. We just cut a hole in his throat. The equation has changed.

House: Couldn't have put it better myself. [CFC walk out while House looks over his surgery notes.]

[Cut to Vince's room where Chase and Foreman are doing the LP.]

Foreman: Pressure is 120 millimeters. H2O is small visible excursion's related to respiration and pulse.

Chase: They're within normal. That's good.

Foreman: That's weird.

[Cut to House lying in ICU with Jack, both are awake.]

Jack: Do you wanna hear a story?

House: I have a rule. People who shoot me forfeit the right -

Jack: My wife was sick. None of the doctors could figure out why.

House: Oh I know this story. She died so you selected one of her doctors to kill 'cause that would make everything right again.

Jack: No, she lived. You cured her.

House: I'm truly sorry I did that.

Jack: In the course of investigating her illness you convinced me that everything was relevant. You needed the truth. I confessed to you that I had an affair. But it turns out that had nothing to do with why she was sick. Genetic predisposition to brain aneurysms. You told her that. You also told her about my affair.

House: You caught crap. She left you. Now I've gotta pay because you couldn't keep your little killer in your pants.

Jack: She killed herself. [a disturbed look appears on House's face]

[Cut to Vince's LP, where a woman is looking from the hall at the procedure. House walks up.]

House: What sort of hospital has glass walls?

Woman: That's my husband.

House: [looks her over] Really?

Woman: You thought I just like watching people get needles poked in their back?

House: Nope. Figured a co-worked or sister. Not wife.

Woman: Why?

House: Don't worry, it's not insulting. At least not to you. [waits for a response] You're satisfied by that answer?

Woman: You're Doctor House, aren't you?

House: You're not gonna shoot me, are you?

Woman: You treated a friend of mine. She told me you only talk to people if you have to and then you insult them while showing off how insightful you are.

House: Sevens marry sevens. Nines marry nines. Fours marry fours. Maybe there's some wiggle room if there's enough money or if somebody got pregnant, but you've got at least three points on your husband and your frock says you didn't do it for the money and you breasts say that you haven't had any kids.

Woman: So you figure my marriage is a mathematical error.

House: Numbers don't lie. We're having trouble finding out what infection your husband has. The most likely culprit is an STD.

Woman: You want to know if I've had an affair with someone closer to my entateur and I have to tell you the truth or my husband will die.

House: Is your friend single?

Woman: No. And I've always been faithful.

[Cut to Foreman and Chase inside the room, who have just finished the LP.]

Foreman: I would have bet money something would go wrong. Let's rotate him back. [Vince's eye is red] He's bleeding into his ocular orbit.

Chase: LP wouldn't do this. [eye continues it's slow escape] Lot's of pressure behind. Gotta relieve it.

[Eye pops out of it's socket and both flinch at the sight. Nurse wheels in the crash cart.]

Woman: What's going on? W-what are they doing?

House: I should go. I seem to have... torn my stitches.

[House falls over and blood rushes onto the floor around him.]

[Opens to ICU where House takes the lid off his pancakes. He tries to eat with his right hand, but it's handcuffed to the bed.]

Jack: You collapsed in the hall. Tore your stitches.

House: I remember. I was there.

Jack: How's your gut. Is it hurting?

House: You shoot the guy who sold her the gun?

Jack: She locked herself in the garage and she started the car.

House: You shoot the guy who sold her the garage door opener? [both look at each other] You're an ass.

Jack: Now that is a bold position to take given that I shot you.

House: The shooting just makes you an idiot. You're an ass because you're trying to wrap it in the flag, like you did a good thing.

Jack: You're an ass and a hypocrite. You don't believe in rules, you do whatever you think is right. That's all I did. You were my role model.

House: Watch out. You're getting crumbs on the flag. I didn't commit to honor her. I didn't commit to never lie to her.

Jack: Well if you had kept your mouth shut she would be alive and you wouldn't be shot.

House: If you had kept your pistols in your pants -

Jack: It's my fault she's dead - I know it. But why can't you admit that it's maybe just a little bit yours too? And maybe its not just medical mistakes that screw things up.

House: Here's how life works. You either get to ask for an apology or you get to shoot people. Not both.

[Cut to Cactus Mexican Food restaurant somewhere in the city. House, in his hospital gown, is sitting on an Oldsmobile/Cadillac looking car with CFC standing around him.]

House: Infections don't make your eyes pop out.

Chase: We should be back. You're supposed to be chained to your bed.

House: Not done eating. Gotta be some sort of bleeding disorder.

Cameron: This is really stupid.

House (with a mouth full of food): Well, if my stitches pop out again I got three doctors to save me. Could be some sort of weakness in the lining of the ocular veins. [nobody else talks] Okay, I'll be you guys. [Looks towards Chase and uses accentuated Aussie accent] No way, mate. Too much blood to just be a vein. [Looks at Foreman] No way, hizzy. If it was an artery he'd still be bleedin.' [Look at Cameron and uses high pitched voice] Actually, he'd be dead.

Cameron: He could have had a granuloma in his sinuses that bled, which could have been caused by Wegener’s.

Chase: I think the surgeon would have recognized a giant grown while he was sticking the eyeball back in.

House: Tongue and eyes are sick. What about the nose - it's right in between, why isn't it sick?

Foreman: So it's not spreading. It's got a common source.

House: Which can only be what?

Foreman: The brain except the CT was clean.

House: Check the brain's trash. See what it's hiding.

Chase (confused): The brain doesn't have a lymph system.

House: I know. All it's garbage just blows off, gets caught in the snow fence by the side of the road.

Foreman: You're referring to the blood-brain-barrier?

House: What else? Biopsy the barrier.

Cameron: Wouldn't it be safer to make a few educated guesses first? Try some relatively safe treatments?

House: Biopsy the barrier, first start him on Albendazol incase it's a worm.

Foreman: And Levoflockcisin incase it's an infection that slipped by the first antibiotic.

Chase: And Azithromycin for STDs.

House: I really don't think the wife is the kind to be messing around. [CFC looks astonished] If I was married to her, I certainly -

Cameron: House, the patient isn't married. He's a widower. [House looks worried]

[Cut to Wilson walking on a treadmill.]

Wilson: Really it's more helpful if you do the prescribed rehab yourself.

House: [looking over his surgery notes] My body is fine. My mind on the other hand.

Wilson: Maybe she was a girlfriend. Maybe she was just trying to jerk you around.

House: Spoke to every one of those nurses on that floor. Patient only had six visitors - two females, no babes. His mother and his aunt.

Wilson: So they missed someone, they're not security.

House: My posse never saw her or me talking on the other side of the glass.

Wilson: They were a little busy trying to save the guy's life.

House: There's only one possible conclusion. It was a hallucination. [walking over to Wilson] What does that look like to you? Point six?

Wilson: [reading over notes] Anesthesia? No, it's gotta be six, uh, smudged. Let's say you're right, it wouldn't be that uncommon after trauma, after that much blood loss.

House: If my perceptions are compromised then my judgement is compromised. What if his wife told me the patient just got bit by a rabid Vietnamese leper?

Wilson: So pull yourself off the case.

House: And the next case?

Wilson: You take two weeks, you recover.

House: What if I don't? What if it wasn't the shooting?

Wilson: The guy who sees connections between everything sees no connection between being shot and minor brain disruptions?

House: What if it was the surgery?

Wilson: What if it was the fact that you tore out your stitches and lost two pints of blood?

House: Why did Gillec give me Ketamine during my surgery?

[Cut to House barging in on Cuddy while she is working in the clinic.]

Cuddy: Working.

House: We need to talk.

Cuddy: Get back to the ICU. Who uncuffed you?

House: Why would a surgeon administer Ketamine?

Cuddy: Who showed you your surgical file?

House: How do you know it's mine?

Cuddy: Because your patient hasn't had surgery and you don't care about anybody else.

House: My anesthesia was almost non existent and yet I wasn't awake. For some reason somebody decided to put me in a dissociative coma instead of just putting me out.

Cuddy: There are plenty of reasons to use -

House: Fine, I'll go beat the truth out of my surgeon. Gillec, right?

[Camera shows House walking away without using his cane.]

Cuddy: It worked! [hesitates to speak] There's a clinic in Germany. They've been treating chronic pain by inducing comas and letting the mind basically reboot itself. There's about a 50% chance your pain will come back, which of course means there's a 50% chance that it won't.

House (angry): You had no right -

Cuddy: To heal you?

House (angry): You messed with my brain.

Cuddy (concerned): Why are you so upset? Are you experiencing any neurological symptoms? Dizziness, tremors, hallucinations?

House: No. It's a point of principle.

[Cut to Vince's surgery.]

[Cut to ICU.]

Foreman: Test was negative.

Cameron: No trash against the fence. Is your leg really better?

House: Don't worry, I'm sure something else is wrong.

Chase: We did find blood.

House: On which side?

Chase: The wrong side.

House: First thing that makes sense.

Chase: Wrong side is the wrong side, it can't make sense.

Cameron: Could mess with his brain, wouldn't cause fever. [looks at Jack] He's been sleeping a lot lately.

House: You worried? I marked a change of meds on his chart. Foreign object. The body wants to get rid of it - that causes the fever.

Cameron: Blood's a foreign object?

Foreman: In the brain lining is it. Blood dyscrasia means cancer.

House: Find it.

Cameron: All the tests -

House: Have been negative. What do you do if your trash cans are full? You use your neighbors trash cans, except it's still light outside - your neighbor will see you, so you go out the back way, into an alley, and drop off your trash by their garage.

Chase: We'll check the lymphatic system in the chest.

House (surprised): You got that from 'trash cans in the alley'?

Chase: The saliva glands in the tongue are connected to the lymphatic system in the lungs. It's the next lymphatic system over.

House (aghast): Yeah. Go get lung lymph.

[CFC walks away.]

Jack: How did he know that?

House: I wouldn't have hiring him if he wasn't smart.

Jack: Right, cause you have nothing but respect for him. Maybe he knew the answer because the question wasn't nearly as tricky as you thought. Maybe he's not getting smarter. You're getting dumber.

[Cut to Vince's surgery.]

[Cut to ICU.]

Jack: [talking to a sleeping House] You pretend to bug the system. Pretend to be a rebel. Claim to hate rules, but all you do is substitute your own rules for society's. And it's a nice simple rule - tell the blunt, honest truth in it's darkest, darkest way and what will be will be. What will be should be. And everyone else is a coward. But you're wrong. It's not cowardly to not call someone an idiot. People aren't tactful and polite just because it's nice. They do it because they got an ounce of humility. Cause they know that they will make mistakes and they know that their actions have consequences. And they know that those consequences are their fault. Why do you want so bad not to be human, House? [Cameron and Foreman walk in and look at the sleeping House.] No, he's awake.

Cameron: House, we need to talk to you.

House (eyes closed): How the hell did you know I was awake?

Jack: Your nostrils flare when you sleep.

House (eyes closed): No they do not.

Jack: Fine, I'm lying.

House: Test was negative.

Cameron: You knew?

House: Force of habit.

Foreman: Showed no cancer. No reason why he's got a fever of 103 and no reason why his tongue won't fit in his mouth.

Cameron: He's post-op. Chase it getting him up and around.

[Cut to patient's room.]

Chase: It's important that you're up ASAP after surgery. Think you can urinate?

Vince: [Nods while shuffling into washroom. After opening robe he makes an "ow" moan.] It's getting bigger.

Chase: [looking into washroom] What you're...getting aroused?

Vince: No, my satchel. [screaming] It's not stopping. (**Or something like that.**) [Chase walks into room and crouches in front of Vince before taking a spray of blood to the face. I think we all know where it came from.]

[Opens to House and CFC in the Exercise Room with Chase on a stationary bike.]

Chase: Surgeons found no evidence of a burst artery.

House: The blood had to come from somewhere, you took a shower in it.

Chase: Trauma?

House: You think someone snuck in here just to kick him in the jewels and poke out his eye and swell up his tongue? [motions to the bike] Keep riding. I got a bet with my Physio that I can do 100 clicks by Friday. What about blood from the kidneys? [CFC looks at House confused. House looks at them with wide eyes.]

Cameron (shocked): Kidneys drain into the bladder which drains into the ureter. There's no way it would mess with the scrotum.

House: Yeah... basic human anatomy. Therefore I think it's safe to assume that the problem lies elsewhere, but given that this case doesn't make any kind of sense whatsoever, maybe we should even question the basics.

Chase: Maybe he's not human. [Foreman scoffs and shows his disapproval.]

House: An anatomical defect would seem more likely, but let's not rule that one out.

Foreman: Even more likely, he is human, his anatomy is where it's supposed to be but he has testicular cancer.

[House thinks to himself about why he didn't think of that.]

Cameron: We tested for cancer.

Foreman: We tested the lymph system in his chest.

Chase: Surgeons found no growth.

Foreman: Surgeon was trying to put everything back where it was, they weren't running inventory.

[Cut to Wilson and House doing their business in the washroom.]

Wilson: You may have been lucky. If you don't catch testicular cancer early it kills. Probably eroded some vessel.

House: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Question is why I didn't think of it.

Wilson: Well eyes popping out is a rather odd presentation.

House: Sack blowing up, on the other hand.

Wilson: If you could think of everything yourself you wouldn't need a team to annoy.

House: I screwed up some basic anatomy and I misconnecting a testicular explosion with a testicular problem. Think there's any way I would've done that before Cuddy messed with my brain?

Wilson: She was trying to help you and it worked.

House: Yeah, I can run like the wind, but I can't think. Seeing as how I'm too old to become a professional athlete it looks to me like she screwed me over big time. [Wilson looks annoyed as House walks out of bathroom.]

Wilson: You don't want a healthy leg.

House: Oh here we go.

Wilson: If you've got a good life, if you're healthy you've got no reason to bitch, no reason to hate life.

House: Well here's the flaw in your argument - if I enjoy hating life, I don't hate life, I enjoy it.

Wilson: I didn't say it was rational. HIV testing is 99% accurate which means there are some people who test positive, who live with their own impending doom for months or years before finding out everything's okay. [House looks bored.] Weirdly most of them don't react with happiness or even anger. They get depressed. Not because they wanted to die, but because they've defined themselves by their disease. Suddenly what made them them isn't real.

House: I don't define myself by my leg.

Wilson: No, [chuckling] you have taken it one step further. The only way you could come to terms with your disability was to somehow make it mean nothing. So you had to redefine everything. You have dismissed anything physical, anything not coldly, calculatingly intellectual.

House: Why are you protecting her?

Wilson: Because... she's done nothing wrong.

House: You're completely comfortable with what she did to me?

Wilson: Yeah, I am. Yeah.

House (with his House face on): You agonize over moral choices. You're not completely comfortable with anything until you've taken days to get your head around every possible side. [Wilson has an "oopsie" face on] I've known what she did for six hours. How come you're acting like you've known for days?

[Cut to House barging into Cuddy's office.]

House (angry): What do I have?

Cuddy: You're not sick.

House (angrier): What do I have?

Cuddy: You need to calm down.

House (angry): I have my brain, that's it.

Wilson (also angry): We were trying to help you.

House (angry): Yeah, nobody tries to screw up, they just do.

Cuddy (angry): You were out of control. You were shooting Morphine -

House (super angry): I can make people better. And you two decide to trade that for jogging shoes.

Wilson (angry): If you're suffering from side effects then we can look at that -

House (angry): You value the physical so much. Let me put this in terms you can understand. [House punches Wilson]

Wilson: [feeling checking if he is bleeding] You're unbelievable. Even when you're out of your mind with anger and fear you still caltchout in logical terms. [Cuddy holds House from another punch] Are you hallucinating?

House (angry: Yeah, I'm hallucinating -

Wilson: No, I mean right now. (In Jack's voice) Are you hallucinating?

[Cut to House panting, staring at Jack in the ICU.]

House (scared): How did you know I was...

Jack: You were yelling at me. You were calling me Wilson

House: No.

Jack: You're losing it House.

House: I never call Wilson by his name.

Jack: Oh, yeah right. The hallucinater is going to tell the hallucinatee what happened.

House: You're not the hallucinatee. Wilson was the hallucinatee.

Jack: You think maybe you're focusing on the wrong thing here?

House: Cuddy's office was the hallucinatee. The bathroom was the hallucinatee.

Jack: Ooh... bathroom, that figures.

House: What figures?

Jack: You wet your bed.

House (quietly): Dammit. [looks at bed as Foreman and Cameron enter and tries to cover up the stain]

Cameron: Test was negative.

House: No?

Foreman: AFP and Beta-HCG say no testicular cancer.

House: So let's recap. We've just ruled out everything which doesn't make sense, so the answer has to be something that doesn't make sense. Do a cystoscopy. Make sure he's human.

[Cut to House and CFC walking down stairs leading to the main floor.]

Chase: Test was negative.

House: For him being human?

Chase: Everything was right where it was supposed to be. All the tubes go where they're supposed to go.

Foreman: Most likely scenario is some kind of bacterial prosititis.

[House looks back at the stairs and walks up them again. He stomps on the floor a few times.]

House: Hm. Find out if his father hunched? [walks down two stairs] His father have trouble peeing? [walks up two stairs backwards] His father have sex with his own mother? [walks down stairs] The answers to any of these questions, if yes - assume you're right. If no, assume you're right, but biopsy some prostate lymph just to be sure.

Cameron: But -

[House quickly runs up the stairs.]

Cameron: Then we'd have to cut through his stomach and since he's clearly got a bleeding problem this kind of surgery might -

Foreman: He doesn't "clearly" have anything.

House: [standing in the middle of the stairs] How did I get here? [CFC looks confused]

Chase: What are you talking about?

House: I was in the ICU then I was coming down the stairs with you guys. What happened in between? I don't remember how I got here.

[Cut to Cuddy's office. House enters and Cuddy quickly gets up from her chair.]

Cuddy: [clears throat]

House: I'm taking myself off my case.

Cuddy: Your patient's in critical care. He's had a fever unabated for two -

House: I think I'm losing my mind. I'm having blackouts.

Cuddy: You said you weren't having any -

House: I lied.

Cuddy: If you are doing this to scare me, you made your point. Next time you get shot I promise to only treat the bullet wounds.

House: I'm off the case. [proceeds to exit, but stops] Why did you jump up when I came in?

Cuddy: I thought you were gonna attack me again.

House: Again?

Cuddy: Yeah, you were in my face. You were -

House: No I wasn't.

Cuddy: You came in here with Wilson and -

House: That was a hallucination.

Cuddy: No, you -

House: Which means this is a hallucination.

[Cut to House opening his eyes in the ICU. He looks over at Jack, who is smiling back at him.]

[Open to Cactus Mexican Food restaurant from earlier where House sits on the car with Jack.]

House: How can I tell what's real and what's not? Everything looks the same, sounds the same, tastes the same.

Jack: Seems like I'd be the last person you would want to ask.

House: Why not? You're obviously not here. I'm obviously not here, which means this is a creation in my mind, which means I'm really just asking myself.

Jack: If you're talking to yourself that's a lot of unnecessary explanation.

House: Hey, I'm trying to work this out, that requires give and take, even in my own mind.

Jack: What was the question?

House: How can I tell what's real?

Jack: Does it matter?

House: That doesn't sound like something I'd ask.

Jack: Alright, you're concern is that if you act in the real world based on information that's not real, the results are impossible to foresee.

House: With you so far.

Jack: But information is incapable of harm in another’s self. Ideas are neither good nor bad, but only as useful as what we do with them. Only actions can cause harm.

House: That sounds like me.

Jack: So, you do nothing you refrain from taking any actions. You continue to throw out ideas as you always would, but if they're based on faulty assumptions you're team will point that out. They won't do anything that could hurt them.

House: So I trust my team.

[Cut to Exercise Room.]

Chase: Test was negative.

Cameron: No blood in the prostate.

Foreman: No structural abnormalities.

House: Something doesn't make sense. What does that mean? [looks at CFC] It's not rhetorical. I need your input on everything I as, not matter how obvious it may seem.

Foreman: It... means your wrong.

House: It means one of your assumptions is wrong. Because if something doesn't make sense then it can't be real, so what are our assumptions?

Foreman: We don't have any. We're just guessing and testing.

Cameron: We assume the tests are right.

Chase: We've already redone them, twice.

House: Let's go more basic.

Foreman: What's more basic than test results?

House: The tests themselves. What does a biopsy consist of?

Chase: You take a sample.

House: Define sample.

Chase: It's a small representative piece of whatever you think is the problem.

House: You go down the shore, you fill a cup of water. It's got no fish in it. Does that mean there's no fish in the ocean?

Cameron: We can do another biopsy.

House: You could fill another cup of water. We gotta dive in. We gotta see what's actually in there.

Chase: We can't operate, he's got a bleeding problem.

Foreman: We assume he's got a bleeding problem.

Chase: Yeah, because he bled from where he wasn't supposed to causing parts of his body to blow up. Assuming that crazy assumption is correct if we operate on him we'll kill him.

House: What if we could find a way to do the surgery without giving him more than a paper cut?

[Cut to patient's room.]

Vince: You want to let a robot operate on me?

Cameron: The technology is amazing. It magnifies everything ten times. It's ten times the accuracy.

Vince: No way, I want a person.

Cameron: A person would be controlling it -

House: People suck. People have turned you into a guy with a swollen tongue into a guy with one eye, one ball and a stapled on face. If you want someone to hold you while you cry yourself to sleep at night, choose warm and soft. You want someone to write you a poem, pick the sensitive loner. If all you care about is that something's done right, pick the guy with the metal head.

Vince: No way.

House: No way no way. You gotta see this thing in action before you say no way. Come on. [begins to help Vince from his bed]

Cameron: House, what are you doing?

House: [stops moving Vince] Nothing. I'm not *doing* anything. I'm just throwing out ideas. I think you should put him in a wheel chair and take him to the OR, but I may be out of my mind.

[Cut to operating room with House controlling the robot and Cameron demonstrating as a patient.]

House: Relax Cameron. I'm not gonna cut you. I just wanna show what this puppy can do. It can make one millimeter incisions. You know how small that is? It's small even in metric. If I do something that doesn't make sense, even to you, stop me. [House uses machine to stroke Cameron's cheek.] Delicate, no. [House moves down to Cameron's navel and uses a tool to blow air into it. He brings a knife down and cuts a button off her blouse and it begins to open.]

Cameron (pleasure-filled): House...

House: Does that hurt?

Cameron (quietly): No...

[Vince looks extremely interested.]

House: Seen enough?

Vince: No.

House: That wasn't a question. You either do this or you die.

[Cut to ICU. House is looking through files.]

Jack: You've wasted your life.

House: Yeah... if only I'd spent more times dedicating myself to finding someone worthy to shoot.

Jack: If I had killed you, would it have mattered?

House: Not to me. Have you got a pen?

Jack: You don't care if you live or die?

House: I care because I live. I can't care if I'm dead.

Jack: I don't wanna hear semantics.

House: You anti-semantic bastard.

Jack: Would anybody care that the world lost that wit?

House: [Walking over to the glass door, pulling his bed behind him.] Working here.

Jack: It's alright, you don't have to say anything. Just let me soak into your sub conscience. You think that the only truth that matters is the truth that can be measured. Good intentions don't count and what's in your heart doesn't count. Caring doesn't count. When a man's life can be measured by how many tears are shed when he dies, it's because you can't measure them. Just because you don't wanna measure them, doesn't mean it's not real.

House: [looking over what he wrote] That does not make sense.

Jack: And even if I'm wrong. You're still miserable. Did you really think that your life's purpose was to sacrifice yourself and get nothing in return? [fade to House in a car in a garage with a representation of Jack's wife while she is killing herself] No. You believe there is no purpose to anything, even the lives you save, you dismiss. You turn the one decent thing in your life and you taint it - strip it of all meaning. You're miserable for nothing. I don't know why you would wanna live. [fade back to ICU]

House: [turns to Jack] I'm sorry. [Jack has a little smile on his face.] I know what's wrong.

[Cut to Vince's operation.]

Cameron: House, get outta here, you're not sterile.

House: He'll be fine.

Chase: Great. What's he got?

House: How come you guys have never tried to yank me off this case? I'm having hallucinations, blackouts.

Foreman: You're always insane and you're always right.

House: I'm almost always eventually right. You have no way of knowing when eventually is. Every time I've had an epiphany on this one you guys were right onboard. No challenges. No need to explain. No offence but either you guys are getting smart or I'm getting dumber.

Chase: We've worked with you long enough to know -

House: I know the test results even before you enter the room. We have identical knowledge. How is that possible?

Cameron: You're wrong.

House: Something doesn't make sense. One of your assumptions must be wrong, because if something doesn't make sense it can't be real. Well what if the faulty assumption is that it's real?

Foreman: House, you're losing it.

House: I've lost it. [Instantly moves his hand to the robot controls, but Chase grabs his arm.] Why did you stop me?

Chase: Because I think you're gonna kill him.

House: You don't think that. You know it. Because you're in my head. As long as the delusion makes sense, my mind let's it go on. I have to make it not make sense. I have to push it past the point where it can trick my mind. [put all his weight into the controls]

Foreman: Hey, hey, hey, if this is a nightmare, you're gonna wake up. If it's real, you're killing a man.

House: It's also possible that I may already be dead. I don't believe in the afterlife.

Cameron: House, go back to your room. If this is a hallucination it's a good one. You're pain free, you can walk.

House: It's not real. Therefore it's meaningless. And I want meaning

[House manages to plunge the arm into Vince and make a foot long slice from his navel and up. Blood and organs spurt free of his chest and the team flies back off the controls when House lets go. Vince flat lines. Everybody, including House, has the obvious "that-guy's-dead" look on their face. House walks over to the table.]

House (scared): Oh God...

[Vince's hand falls away from the table and drops a bullet onto the floor. House bends down, picks it up and grasps it.]

House: Goodbye.

[Cut to House being rush into the ER, CFC by his side.]

Foreman: He was shot.

Cameron: Twice.

Chase: Once in the abdomen, once in the neck.

[House opens his eyes.]

House: Hello.

Cameron: It's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay.

House: You don't know that. [House get's wheeled next to operating table.] Tell Cuddy... I want Ketamine. [House closes his eyes]

[END]

Season 2 X 23 : Who's Your Daddy?

Original Airdate: 5/16/2006
Written by: Charles M. Duncan, Lawrence Kaplow & John Mankiewicz
Directed by: Martha Mitchell
Transcript by: Mari

FADE IN.

[Late evening. Shot of a plane in flight.]

CUT TO:

[Inside the plane, Leona, 16, black, listens to music through headphones. Her father, Crandall, white, watches her. She removes the headphones, smiling. She has a definite New Orleans accent.]

LEONA: I know that one. I was at the studio when grandfather recorded it.

[She hands the headphones to Crandall and looks down sadly.]

CRANDALL: Thinking about your mom?

LEONA: [nods] Mama, everything, my whole life. It was all a lie. I never knew you. I never knew you were my dad.

CRANDALL: Relax, gonna be okay, Leona. You did good. You got it together. Should rather last eight months on your own. You-You're not your grandfather... or your mom. You're not gonna make the same mistakes they did. I'm proud that I'm your father.

[To Leona, Crandall's voice sounds echo-ey. Sounds of running water can be heard. She seems afraid.]

CRANDALL: [contd.] Glad I'm getting this chance.

[Leona's POV: Water is flowing under the air hostesses' feet. The air hostess comes over and says something which sounds too echo-ey to be audible. The water is now gushing in full force through the cabin door. Leona jumps up in fear, pushing the air hostess back. The water is now ankle deep.]

LEONA: [crying, panicked] We gotta go! [backing up, to the other passengers] Get outa here!

CRANDALL: Leona!

[Leona opens a cabin door, which literally opens the floodgates and engulfs the entire cabin. Leona shrieks in terror as she and the rest of the passengers are washed away.]

[CGI: Zoom into her chest to show the heart. It's beating real quick, electrical impulses shooting through it.]

[It's all a hallucination. The cabin is dry as a bone. Crandall jumps up from his seat and runs to her.]

CRANDALL: Leona!

[Leona's heartbeat can be heard. It's going mile a minute. Crandall bends over Leona's unconscious body. The air hostess comes over. Leona's heartbeat gets faster. Crandall looks around helplessly. The heartbeat stops...]

[Credits]

[House's apartment. Camera focuses on an empty Vicodin bottles as House limps around. It's pretty obvious the pain in his leg hasn't diminished. Finally, he sits down, his face betraying the excruciating pain he feels. He grabs his right thigh and massages it. Using his cane, he picks up his jacket and searches in the pockets for another bottle. He finds one and dry-swallows a few pills. He tosses the bottle aside, irritably. He gets up and resumes limping around, trying to walk off the pain. He makes a full circle around his sofa. Finally, he enters the kitchen and leans over the counter. He breathes heavily.]

CUT TO:

[Another room in House's apartment. He sets up a stepstool in front of a bookcase and with a lot of effort, gets on it. He starts throwing down books from the top shelf, until he finally finds what he's looking for - a metal lockbox. The phone begins to ring as he descends carefully, albeit in pain. He sits down and starts to open the lockbox. His answering machine answers the call.]

HOUSE'S VOICE: You've reached a number that has been disconnected and is no longer in service. If you feel you've reached this recording in error, go away, hang up, on three. One, two... [beep!]

[House opens the lockbox and puts a tourniquet around his arm.]

CUDDY'S VOICE: House, pick up. Know it's your day off, no doubt got lots of exciting plans, but I've got a case.

[House couldn't care less, he picks out a syringe and a vial of morphine and proceeds to fill the syringe with the morphine.]

CUDDY'S VOICE: Sixteen-year old girl presenting with cardiogenic shock.

[House is about to inject himself in the arm.]

CUDDY'S VOICE: No heart attack.

[That's the clincher of the week! House looks up, interest writ all over his agonised face. He lowers the needle.]

CUT TO:

[Aerial shot of PPTH. Day.]

CUT TO:

[PPTH corridors. House and Cuddy walk, discussing the case. Someone's voice is heard over the PA system.]

CUDDY: Her heart looks fine. ER did a full cardiac workup, tox screen's clean, blood shows no infection...

HOUSE: All on the top page. I'm a real good reader. Personal chart handoff means there's something else. Hoping it's not personal.

CUDDY: The guy who brought the girl in. Says he knows you.

[House turns to see who it is. It's Crandall.]

CUDDY: I thought I met all your friend. [holding out a couple of files] I was also wondering if you could take a look at these, uh, when you have a chance, no hurry. It's just a couple of medical histories, uh, one with a minor cancer concern...

HOUSE: [looking at Crandall, taking the files] No problem.

[Leaving a rather surprised Cuddy, he starts walking towards Crandall. Crandall sees him and starts running towards him, excited.]

CRANDALL: G-Man!

[He's about to hug House, but stops short. House has made no motion to welcome the embrace.]

CRANDALL: You thought I was gonna do it, didn't you?

HOUSE: Do I know you?

CRANDALL: [smile fading away] C'mon, it's me, Crandall.

HOUSE: [pouting, shrugging] Doesn't ring a bell.

CRANDALL: Man, I can't believe...

HOUSE: Unless you mean Dylan Crandall, the man who would believe anything.

[Crandall smiles in relief.]

HOUSE: Y'know, I just made you believe that I...

[House starts limping along with Crandall.]

CRANDALL: You haven't changed. Heard about your leg.

HOUSE: Yeah! Pulled a hamstring playing twister. Just gonna walk it off.

[They stop in front of Leona's room.]

HOUSE: So who's the girl?

CRANDALL: Jesse Baker's granddaughter. You always said you'd give your right hand to play like him.

HOUSE: No, I said I'd give my right hand to have his left. Why is she with you?

CRANDALL: She lost her mom in Katrina. Her home, everything.

HOUSE: [mock impressed] Wow!

CRANDALL: And I'm her father.

[House looks at him and then looks at her, with his eyes half shut, as if to focus.]

HOUSE: Hmm. Yeah, she looks just like you. Got the same 'fro.

CRANDALL: I wrote a book about Baker. Hung out with him. His daughter...

HOUSE: That is how babies are made.

CRANDALL: I never knew, she never knew. Her mom lied for sixteen years.

HOUSE: It's unbelievable.

CRANDALL: Yeah.

HOUSE: Seriously, I don't believe it.

CRANDALL: Her mom was pissed at me about my book. I trashed her and her dad. She wouldn't talk to me. Obviously, she's not gonna tell Leona that...

HOUSE: ...You're a sucker. You always were.

[He starts limping away.]

CRANDALL: [calling out] Does that mean you're not gonna help her?

[House turns around.]

HOUSE: Why wouldn't I? She's not scamming me.

[He limps off, leaving Crandall confusedly looking at Leona.]

CUT TO:

[Diagnostics Office. House limps around as the Ducklings go over Leona's history.]

CHASE: Acute myocardial infarction?

HOUSE: ER said no. Retest.

CAMERON: Wolfe-[?]-White Syndrome?

HOUSE: ER said no. Retest. And read the damn file.

CAMERON: You just gave 'em to us.

FOREMAN: Kelso [?] wave on the EKG looks...

HOUSE: It's all a no! Everything about her heart is healthy.

CAMERON: She's a Katrina victim.

HOUSE: She's better than Crandall. He's a "Katrina victim" victim.

CHASE: I don't think she was expecting your sympathy. I think her point was New Orleans was a third-world country. Toxins, mould, sewage in the streets.

HOUSE: What if her heart is like my bike? Runs like crap when I'm by myself. I take it to the mechanic, runs great.

FOREMAN: An arrhythmia. One-time event.

CAMERON: What're we gonna do? Keep her in a room on a cardiac monitor, till she has another arrhythmia. That could be weeks...

[House bends over and starts pressing on his right thigh.]

CAMERON: ...months!

HOUSE: Relax.

[Cameron notices he's in pain.]

HOUSE: I happen to know she's gonna have one right after lunch. We're golden!

CAMERON: You can't induce an arrhythmia in someone whose heart nearly gave out forty-eight hours ago.

HOUSE: Sure you can. It's kinda technical, just stick all these cool little wires inside her...

CAMERON: I mean, you shouldn't.

HOUSE: Oh right. 'Cause it would be much more ethical to let it happen in an uncontrolled setting. Just always a team of cardiologists having lunch at the next table. This is 'Jersey. [limps around] She's a minor. Gonna need consent.

CAMERON: [rolling her eyes, closing the file, getting up] I'll go talk to him.

HOUSE: Oh! That's an excellent plan. You'll give him the form and tell him it's wrong and dangerous.

CAMERON: [calm] I can handle a simple consent form.

HOUSE: Okay. I'll be Crandall. [imitating Crandall's accent] Dr. Cameron...

FOREMAN: House, from what you say, this guy would trust...

HOUSE: [as House] Are you in this scene? [To Cameron] Go.

CAMERON: [as if to Crandall] I need to talk to about a procedure we'd like to do on Leona.

HOUSE: [as Crandall] "Like to do"? This fun for you?

CAMERON: He's not you, he's not gonna mock you.

HOUSE: [as House] Just stay in character. [as Crandall, voice breaking] I'm so scared... Hold me.

CAMERON: [ignoring "Crandall's" request] In order to figure out whcih circuit is misfiring, we need to map all the electrical activity in her heart.

HOUSE: Swear to me on the Bible you'd do this if it was your kid. [no answer from Cameron] Goodbye.

[He limps out. Cameron looks unbelievingly at the guys.]

CUT TO:

[PPTH Waiting Area. House and Crandall are seated on couches, as House speaks to Crandall about consent.]

HOUSE: To map the electrical pathways in her heart, we send electricity through each one-at-a-time, till one fails.

CRANDALL: Sounds dangerous.

HOUSE: It's a risk I'm prepared to take.

CRANDALL: If she's got an electrical problem, couldn;t more electricity blow her whole system?

HOUSE: Wow, you've been watching Bill Nye, the Science Guy. Test is perfectly safe. We do it everyday...

[Crandall considers it and nods. He picks up the consent form and prepares to sign.]

HOUSE: ...And you believe me.

CRANDALL: [looks up, confused] I shouldn't do the test?

HOUSE: It's crazy dangerous.

[Crandall drops the consent form on the table in frustration. He wants to say something but stops.]

HOUSE: Just sign the damn form.

[Crandall puts his head in his hands. House takes out a tissue from the tissue-box and holds it out for Crandall.]

CRANDALL: I'm not crying. I can handle this.

HOUSE: Then blow yur nose. I need DNA from somewhere.

CRANDALL: You're not running a paternity test.

HOUSE: She's gonna stay around, just long enough to get your bank account and credit card numbers and she's gonna be off with her next daddy.

CRANDALL: With what she's been through, why would you assume...?

HOUSE: Because of what she's been through.

CRANDALL: Because that's your default position. Always has been.

HOUSE: Because she's still alive. Raised by a junkie, living on the streets, that tends to kick the sweetness out of you.

CRANDALL: Figured you'd have mellowed.

HOUSE: That's because you're an idiot.

CRANDALL: If I let you do the test, it means I don't trust her.

HOUSE: No, it means I don't trust her.

[Crandall angrily puts the tissue in his jacket pocket and signs the consent form.]

CUT TO:

[Electrophysiology Lab. Leona is lying on a bed, while Foreman administers anaesthesia.]

LEONA: One hundred...ninety-nine......ninetuh-eeeee.....

CHASE: She's out!

CAMERON: [over the radio] Heart rhythmn's normal. Insert the first catheter.

[Chase starts pushing the catheter into Leona's artery.]

CHASE: I'm in.

[CGI: Zoom into Leona's chest and into her beating heart. The catheter threads passes by red blood cells.]

CAMERON: [vo] All heart rhythmn's till normal.

CHASE: [vo] Gonna zap it here.

[Chase picks up an electrical instrument and switches it on.]

CAMERON: [over radio] Send the first electrical pulse.

[Chase does so. On the monitor, Leona's heart beat increases slightly.]

CHASE: Sinoatrial node is normal.

[In the observation deck, House and Cameron watch a 3D representation of Leona's heart. An electrical pulse is shown going through a catheter into the sinoatrial node.]

HOUSE: [over radio, to Chase] Next!

[Chase hits another button. In the 3D imahe, a pulse goes through another catheter into the atrioventricular node. This time, Leona grimaces and tilts her head to the side, The monitor starts beeping and her heart rate starts to rise.]

CHASE: Got supraventricular tachycardia.

FOREMAN: Stop the current.

HOUSE: [over radio] Is she hallucinating?

CHASE: IV-push stat 12.5 of [?]!

CAMERON: She's crashing. BP's plummeting.

[On the monitor, Leona's heart rate and BP have dropped appreciably.]

HOUSE: [over radio] Foreman, is-she-hallucinating?

[Foreman looks at her brain waves and sees no change.]

FOREMAN: No. Normal waves.

HOUSE: The AV node is not the bad pathway. What that was was a heart attack. Reset her so we can find the real problem.

[Foreman gets the defibrillator paddles ready.]

FOREMAN: Charging. Clear!

[He zaps her. Leona's vitals stabilize. Cameron sighs in relief.]

CHASE: Normal rhythmn.

HOUSE: [over radio] Chase. High right atrium, please.

CHASE: [looks up at House] Her heart's fragile after that last attack. Chances of tachycardia...

HOUSE: [over radio] You have my permission to blame Foreman at any negligence trial.

[Foreman glares at House. Chase gives up arguing and resumes work.]

CAMERON: [over radio] Send the electrical pulse.

[Chase presses the button marked "AV2". In the 3D image, the pulse travels near the coronary sinus. The brain wave monitor starts beeping showing marked increases. Leona grimaces again in her unconscious state.]

FOREMAN: That's the one. She's hallucinating.

CHASE: It's near the coronary sinus.

HOUSE: [over radio] Freeze it.

[Chase presses the "Cryo" button.]

[CGI: A small spiral comes out of the catheter and starts to freeze the nearby areas.]

CHASE: Damaged heart muscle gone. Cryo-ablation complete.

FOREMAN: EEG's back to normal. No hallucinations.

HOUSE: [over radio] She'll be fine by breakfast.

CUT TO:

[Cuddy's office. House enters, holding a manila envelope.]

HOUSE: [looking at the envelope] Hoo! Interesting reading.

CUDDY: [hesitant] Those are my top two choices for sperm donors. I wanted your medical opinion on genetics.

HOUSE: [tossing the envelope on her desk] They're losers.

CUDDY: Ahh... Medically or ...?

HOUSE: Donor 1284 likes square dancing. No one likes square dancing. 613's been practising medicine for five minutes, calls himself a healer. Loves Mozart.

CUDDY: I'm not going dancing with him. I'm looking for healthy sperm. He's got four living grandparents.

HOUSE: Who they are? What they do? That doesn't matter?

CUDDY: I'm leaning towards 613.

HOUSE: Oh sure. Go with the Jewish number.

CUDDY: 1284 has a cousin that tested positive for the Brocker [?] gene.

HOUSE: But his mother was negative, which means so's your baby...

CUDDY: What about the...?

HOUSE: [?] factor on the dad's side's not a problem. Because the dad's mom did not carry the thalissima gene. Bigger issue is the jerk in poser jeans. His mozart lie...

CUDDY: People can't like classical music?

HOUSE: You're designing a kid? A loser kid. He's already getting pummelled at recess.

CUDDY: [challenging, picks up a bunch of files] Here! Knock yourself out. Go find sperm that can beat up 613's kids. [dumps them on House's lap] And thanks for your help.

[She leaves.]

HOUSE: Pretentiousness is hereditary. Just 'cause they haven't found the gene yet...

CUT TO:

[Leona's room. Leona is asleep. She has electrodes still stuck to her head.]

DISEMBODIED VOICE: [Southern accent] Can I have some water please? [coughs] Hello?

[Leona slowly stirs awake.]

DISEMBODIED VOICE: [frantic] I just need some water. [coughs] Is anyone there?

[Leona gets off the bed and slowly opens the curtain to see into the next room. What she sees is a bloated female corpse with water pouring out of it.]

LEONA: [scared] Mama?

[She starts to cry as water starts flowing across her ankles.]

CUT TO:

[Same room. She jerks awake. She gets up and screams at the top of her voice. It was another hallucination.]

CUT TO:

[Outside diagnostics office. House limps around the corridor, trying to walk off his pain.]

CUT TO:

[Diagnostics office.]

CAMERON: Second hallucination means we didn't fix her heart. Maybe we missed something.

CHASE: Her heart's fine. If she hallucinated, it wasn't caused by her heart.

FOREMAN: If? The screaming, the floundering... it was a hallucination.

[House quickly opens the glass door and stands there.]

HOUSE: What if it wasn't a hallucination?

CAMERON: We covered the...

HOUSE: Not finished. What if it was an atypical seizure?

FOREMAN: [scoffs] Seizure? She saw her mother. Mother's dead! Ergo, hallucination.

[House closes the door and resumes limping around.]

CHASE: Anyone wanna explain that?

CAMERON: His leg hurts. Walking takes his mind off of it.

[House enters and stands at the door again.]

HOUSE: Flashback! All that wind and rain from the hurricane. Post-traumatic stress syndrome.

CAMERON: Why are you so bent on her not having a hallucination?

HOUSE: If she did have a hallucination, then the heart problem, that we predicted, found and fixed, is just a gigantic coincidence.

[No reply from the Ducklings forthcoming, he resumes limping in the corridor.]

CHASE: His leg always hurts.

CAMERON: It's getting worse.

HOUSE: [shouting from outside, attracting stares from passers-by] What if the heart isn't a coincidence and isn't what caused the hallucination?

[Once again, he enters and stands at the door.]

HOUSE: The arrythmia hurts. What if her hallucination was caused by pain? What if she has a disease that translates pain into bizarre physiological response like a hallucination.

CAMERON: She has an autoimmune disease. She needs a CRP, a rheumatoid factor...

HOUSE: I can prove an autoimmune disease in five minutes. She needs a PET scan.

FOREMAN: You can't test for autoimmune in a PET...

HOUSE: Proving that her hallucinations are consistent response to the pain, which proves that she has an autoimmune disease.

CAMERON: How do you test someone's response to pain?

HOUSE: Easy. Hurt them!

[The Ducklings exchange worried glances.]

CUT TO:

[PET scan. House is strapping Leona to the gurney. His voice is normal, but the surroundings make him sound quite scary.]

HOUSE: It's not gonna hurt at all. We just need to make sure you don't move.

LEONA: I won't.

HOUSE: Okay, gimme your arm. [takes her arm] Let's check the muscle responses.

[He squeezes her arm at different places.]

HOUSE: Okay, turn it over. Palm upward.

[He turns her arm so her palm faces him. He reaches offscreen and picks up something.]

HOUSE: Everything okay?

LEONA: [scared] Yeah.

[House pricks her thumb with a needle. She cries out and jerks her arm away.]

[In the observation room, Crandall and Foreman watch.]

CRANDALL: What the hell was that?

FOREMAN: Diagnostic test. [over radio, to House] Cerebral cortex responding normally. She's not hallucinating.

HOUSE: [to Leona] You know he's not your father, don't you?

CRANDALL: [firm] He's my dad. Mama told me.

HOUSE: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you.

[As he speaks, he pricks her in the thigh. She yells out in pain.]

CRANDALL: [over radio] House, leave her alone!

HOUSE: C'mon, we both know it's a hustle. Are the walls closing in?

LEONA: [crying] No, why are you doing this?

HOUSE: Spiders coming out of my nose?

LEONA: [frantic] Let me out!

FOREMAN: [over radio] House, the test is over. Dorsolateral prefrontal cortex looks fine.

HOUSE: [ignoring him] Gimme your hand.

LEONA: No! [pulls it away]

HOUSE: [forcibly grabbing her hand] Gimme your hand!

[He grabs her middle finger and starts pulling it backwards. Leona shrieks out in pain.]

HOUSE: Forget him. He's not the perfect mark. Because he was the perfect mark. Plenty of people got there before you. He's used up! Tainted. Pumped dry.

[Suddenly, Leona starts screaming even more, looking at House's face.]

[Leona's POV: House's face starts to swell and the skin starts to melt off. Gross!!]

FOREMAN: [over radio] She's hallucinating.

[Leona continues to scream loudly in terror. House smiles in victory.]

CUT TO:

[PPTH corridor. House walks with the Ducklings. He is going over the test results.]

CAMERON: She's lost everything and you're breaking her finger. A new low.

HOUSE: Diagnostically, she needed to be hurt. I wanted to hurt her. Win-win. What I didn't consider was the threshold that triggered the hallucinations. Otherwise, I would have done the finger-bending first, instead of stabbing her twice. That was cruel!

[He hits the elevator switch.]

CAMERON: For an autoimmune disease this advanced, usual treatment is not gonna help.

FOREMAN: You don't even know which autoimmune disease she has. Could be Lambert-Eaton's, could be Grey's...

HOUSE: Great! Let's kill 'em all at once.

CAMERON: The only way to do that is replace her entire immune system.

HOUSE: Good point. Let's do that.

[The elevator door opens and House enters. There's an orderly, attending to a patient in a gurney, inside.]

CHASE: Bone marrow transplant requires an exact match. Leona has no siblings.

HOUSE: Good point! She's all alone, poor thing. No one in the whole wide world.

[The elevator door closes.]

CUT TO:

[House's office. He removes a CD from a Jesse Baker biography and inserts it into his CD player. The music starts playing as House opens the book. He seems very much interested in the music. Suddenly, Jesse's angry voice comes can be heard.]

JESSE BAKER: [sounding slurred] I asked for this tuned! Can you get this instrument tuned?

[Crandall enters.]

CRANDALL: My daughter needs bone marrow. Why are you lookin at bone marrow registry?

[House turns off the music.]

HOUSE: Because that's where they keep the bone marrow.

CRANDALL: I'm her father!

HOUSE: How does somebody who believes absolutely anything become a non-fictional writer?

CRANDALL: Test my bone marrow.

HOUSE: Here's how this is gonna end. One day, you'll be sitting at your computer writing one of little music books and your daughter will come home with a big angry policeman, who'll throw you in jail because "Daddy touched my poozle!".

CRANDALL: Test me!

HOUSE: Happy to.

CRANDALL: Just my marrow. I'm not authorising a paternity test.

HOUSE: You're that afraid of the truth?

CRANDALL: [insistent] I know the truth!

HOUSE: "Easy Lay" Faye's truth was that she needed a bus to get home to see her sick grandma. You gave her a hundred bucks. She hopped weed. I know because I told her you'd go for the sick grandma story.

CRANDALL: If our friendship means anything to you...

HOUSE: Come on, do you know me at all?

CRANDALL: If you do the test, one of two things happens. Either you're right or I'm right. If you're right, I'll be miserable. And if I'm right, I'll hate myself 'cause I didn;t trust her. Either way, I lose.

[House sighs.]

CUT TO:

[Clinic. House is looking at a patient - a smiling kid (around 7 or so) removing his shirt to expose a bright red streak on his face, and torso. His mother's also there.]

MOTHER: They don't itch. Not Reye's.

[House looks at the mother. He gets off his stool and walks over to the washbasin.]

MOTHER: He's had his MMR. No one's sick at school. His father took him camping.

KID: We caught two spidelers!

MOTHER: [looking at her son in horror] You didn't tell me about the spider...

HOUSE: Get a new couch?

MOTHER: You think there might be some sort of toxin...?

HOUSE: What colour is it?

KID: Red.

[House walks over to the kid, with a wet towel. Mother looks puzzled.]

HOUSE: Is that where you watch your cartoons after you take your bath?

KID: [enthusiasitically] Mm-hmm!

[House uses the wet towel to wipe off the red streak. It's not all gone, but he shows the mother the red stain on the towel. Mother looks positively sheepish.]

HOUSE: Fall asleep sometimes?

KID: [sneezes] Yes.

HOUSE: Bless you.

[Cuddy enters, standing at the door.]

CUDDY: Need you. Now.

HOUSE: [deep voice] Yes, mistress.

[Cuddy leaves with an annoyed look. The kid laughs.]

HOUSE: [holding up the towel to sheepish mother] I'll write you a prescription for one of these. Just wet and apply.

[He limps out, as the mother smiles in embarrassment and starts wiping the dye off her son's body.]

CUT TO:

[Cuddy's office. House enters. Cuddy's waiting for him.]

CUDDY: You didn't tell anyone else what I'm doing?

HOUSE: Not a soul.

[Cuddy seems relieved and turns to her desk, but turns around again.]

CUDDY: Wilson?

[House shakes his head. Cuddy starts closing the blinds in her office.]

CUDDY: Cameron? Maybe you mentioned it to her?

HOUSE: No. I'm-I'm a really good secret-keeper. I never told anybody that Wilson wets his bed. Oh, you tricked me.

CUDDY: Part of the protocol of in vitro fertilization is twice daily injections of menotropins [?].

[She goes over to her desk and pulls out a syringe and a vial.]

CUDDY: I can't do it myself.

[She looks pleadingly at House. House takes the needle and vial.]

HOUSE: Turn around.

CUDDY: No clever comments about bending over?

HOUSE: Unless you want me too.

[She lifts up her skirt to expose her right buttock.]

CUDDY: [chuckling] Not used to House, the professional.

[House, the thorough professional, takes his time, ogling... sorry, examining the well-toned butt of Lisa Cuddy.]

HOUSE: I was... thinking about what your mother looked like. But your father obviously chose her for breeding purposes.

CUDDY: [annoyed] Shut up!

HOUSE: Natural selection sucks.

[He tears open the vial's paper cover with his teeth.]

HOUSE: We pick mates based on breast size, cars they drive. They did an autopsy on some married couples, found a correlation in pancreas size.

[House rubs Cuddy's rear with alcohol.]

HOUSE: Hard-wired to pick for stupid reasons. You have the chance to pick for smart reasons.

CUDDY: I think the Germans had a similar theory about sixty years ago.

HOUSE: I'm not advocating wiping out entire races, I'm just saying...

[House is still slowly rubbing the alcohol.]

HOUSE: You don't wanna make with the first plastic cup that buys you a drink.

[Cuddy looks over to her behind, seeing House still rubbing alcohol on it.]

CUDDY: Pretty sure you thought that.

HOUSE: [re: the alcohol] Microbes can be sneaky.

[Cuddy smiles. House gives her a quick jab with the needle.]

CUDDY: Ow!

[He pulls out the needle and she drops her skirt down.]

CUDDY: Thanks.

HOUSE: Twice a day... [holds up another syringe] It's gonna be fun.

[Cuddy awkwardly takes the needle from him.]

CUT TO:

[Terrestrial shot of PPTH.]

CUT TO:

[Radiation lab. Leona is undergoing radiation. House and another tech are watching. Wilson enters.]

WILSON: [to tech] I got it.

[The tech leaves the room, while Wilson takes his place.]

WILSON: So why were you friends with this guy?

HOUSE: We were twenty years old. He had a car. If he'd been a woman, I would have married him.

WILSON: [nods] Is he a match?

HOUSE: No. Lying girl lucked out. We found one in the registry.

WILSON: Is he the dad?

HOUSE: I don't think so.

WILSON: You didn't run the test?

HOUSE: Said I wouldn't.

WILSON: Okay. So either you lied or... he has pictures of you being nice?

[House, looking at Leona, suddenly stands up.]

HOUSE: Stop the radiation!

[A beeping is heard. House and Wilson run over to Leona and look at her.]

WILSON: What the hell is that?

[There is a black gooey fluid coming out of Leona's mouth. Yuck!]

HOUSE: I have no idea.

CUT TO:

[PPTH corridors. House is trying once again to limp away his pain. The Ducklings approach.]

CHASE: [holding up a file] Lab results from the black ooze. You're not gonna believe it.

HOUSE: She pooped out of her mouth.

[The Ducklings put on their usual "How-the-hell-did-he-know?" look.]

CAMERON: The sample contains stool and digested blood. How did you guess?

[He limps about, with the Ducklings following.]

HOUSE: You said "oozed". If it was in her stomach, it would have sprayed. If it was in her lungs, she would have coughed. This "oozed" as in "squeezed" as in "reverse peristalsis". Who's hungry? Mexican take-out?

CHASE: Not if her digested blood to be in her intestine, she had to have internal bleeding.

CAMERON: And for whatever was in her intestines to come back up, there had to be a blockage.

FOREMAN: Liver failure. Renal proteins - they clot the blood, so it would leak into her stomach, mess up her intestines.

HOUSE: In spooks, we were wrong. There was no autoimmune disease shuts down an organ in two hours. We need to do a liver biopsy. Find out what the real problem is.

[The Ducklings go off, while House limps around.]

CUT TO:

[Leona's room. Crandall is there with Leona. The door opens and Crandall looks behind. It's House.]

HOUSE: [quietly] Hey, need to talk to you.

[Crandall gets up and goes out with House. House takes a look at Leona and shuts the door.]

CUT TO:

[In front of the wall-fountain. Crandall looks beat and worried.]

HOUSE: Good news is, she doesn't have an autoimmune condition. So she doesn't need a bone marrow transplant. We were able to stop the radiation in time. Bad news is, she has potty mouth. Her liver is failing. She's made her digestive system go in reverse. It's actually much worse than it sounds. [beat] We need to do a liver biopsy. I know what's gonna happen. When we stick a needle into her liver, she could die right then and there.

CRANDALL: You here to tell me what to do?

HOUSE: No inside information on this one. Crandall, three days ago, you didn't even know this girl. She'd been hit by a bus, you wouldn't lose a moment's sleep. There are people all over this hospital in just as much trouble, just as not related to you.

CRANDALL: Telling me I shouldn't care? Prepping me to handle it when she dies?

[House looks at him, saying nothing.]

CUT TO:

[House's office. House listens to Jesse Baker's music. Wilson enters, eating his lunch. He sets his lunch on House's desk. House seems interested in the lunch.]

HOUSE: It's brown, it's lumpy. I'm gonna heave all over my desk.

WILSON: [taunting] Chicken Moulet [I think]. Twenty-one herbs and spices.

[House reaches over to taste it, but Wilson snatches it away.]

WILSON: [while eating] I find it very comforting, you defending a man you've never seen in years. To know my friend, no matter, what will always be champion, my protector.

HOUSE: I'm not protecting him, I'm smacking her.

WILSON: Modesty of a true hero.

HOUSE: Push me and I'll let her die. Just so you'll stop annoying me.

[House again tries to snatch the lunch, but Wilson is faster in moving out of his reach.]

WILSON: Here's my theory. You're jealous. He's maturing, he's accepting responsibility, you're emotionally stuck at seventeen.

HOUSE: He's manufacturing responsibility. He's not maturing. He hasn't changed at all.

WILSON: So then why do you care?

HOUSE: That black ooze we saw. That was a bowel movement.

[Wilson, in the middle of taking a mouthful of food, slows down.]

HOUSE: Out of her mouth.

WILSON: You're trying to end this conversation by grossing me out? I'm an oncologist. Half my patients have their skin sloughing off.

[He gets off the chair and walks around, still eating.]

WILSON: Why are you so worried about this guy?

HOUSE: He was having a rough time with his girlfriend. He was in love. He's always in love. Wanted to marry her. I thought she was flaky. Sending mixed signals.

WILSON: So you gave him advice and she dumped him.

HOUSE: Noo. I... told him I would talk to her.

WILSON: And you blew it?

HOUSE: [sheepish] Technically...

[He makes a sign for "the other way around".]

HOUSE: I was doing him a favour. She was nuts!

[Wilson, in disgust, jabs the fork in the chicken and dumps the plate on House's desk. He leaves. House waits a moment, then rolls his chair back and resumes playing Jesse Baker's music. He then starts eating Wilson's lunch, while listening to the music. After a short while, he rolls his chair to the CD player and puts off the music. And it's time for Epiphany of the Week!]

CUT TO:

[Operation Room. Chase and Foreman are conducting the biopsy. Chase is inserting the biopsy needle into Leona's back, while Foreman holds the scanner. In the ultrasound monitor, the needle is getting closer and closer to Leona's liver. Suddenly, Foreman's beeper goes off. A nurse gets it out for him and holds it out for him to see. He turns to Chase.]

FOREMAN: Stop the biopsy.

[As seen in the ultrasound monitor, the needle is just inches away from the liver when it stops.]

CHASE: I'm right at her liver.

FOREMAN: It's House. He says stop.

CUT TO:

[House's office. House is listening to Jesse Baker on his headphones, when the Ducklings enter. He removes the headphones. He has a phonograph machine with JB's music playing on it.]

HOUSE: Check it out.

FOREMAN: Oh, please tell me you didn't stop the biopsy to play us some tunes.

HOUSE: The left hand is very subtle. Very delicate.

CAMERON: This girl is dying.

HOUSE: Dying a lot faster if I let you do that obviously unnecessary biopsy. Now listen.

[As before, Jesse's angry, slurring voice comes over the music.]

JESSE: I asked for this tuned! Can you get this instrument tuned?

FOREMAN: [frustrated] My God! Grandpa was an angry drunk! If only we'd known!

[House puts off the music.]

HOUSE: Here's how to become a great artist. First, get miserable. Misery drives you to become a great artist. The art does nothing for your misery, which drives you to drugs, which makes you a lousy artist. And this is not lousy.

[House puts the music back on.]

CHASE: You're saying he didn't do drugs?

HOUSE: Not when he played this. Something was screwing with his personality.

FOREMAN: Yeah! Drugs and alcohol don't do that!

HOUSE: And that note, that he says is out of tune, is not. Which means that something is screwing with his oral perception too. Now what happens when you add all of that to the liver disease, which he supposedly died of.

CAMERON: Too much iron. He could have had hemochromatosis. That's genetic.

FOREMAN: Unless you can tell me Miles Davis couldn't play stoned...

HOUSE: Played better when he wasn't. I think, I mean, no one knows for sure.

CAMERON: I'll get her on a TIVC and serum ferradin [I think].

[Cameron starts to head out.]

HOUSE: We can test this in three minutes. He gets up and picks up Jesse Baker's biography. He leaves.]

CUT TO:

[Leona's room. House enters, followed by the Ducklings. Leona is still unconscious.]

HOUSE: So what is she, Foreman? Light-skinned black chick or dark-skinned white chick?

FOREMAN: Not sure. Can we hear the music again?

CHASE: It's too early to see jaundice from eleven.

HOUSE: True.

[He holds out JB's biography, with a page dedicated to Leona."

HOUSE: This is a photograph of Leona whe she was thirteen years old. She's darker now.

CAMERON: She's been living in the streets for eight months.

[House exposes Leona's torso.]

HOUSE: No tan line. So unless those streets she's been living on are indoor streets, I'm thinking she's got high deposits of melanin, both by-products of hemochromatosis, just like granddad used to make.

[Cameron smiles.]

HOUSE: SQUID exam to calculate the amount of iron in her blood. And treat her with desferoxamine. She'll be fine by lunch. See, if was wrong before... about the breakfast.

[He leaves.]

CUT TO:

[MRI lab. Leona is undergoing an MRI. Foreman looks over the results.]

FOREMAN: [to himself] There's the iron.

CUT TO:

[Cuddy's office. House is in Cuddy's chair, conducting an interview. He seems disinterested and bored, making the interviewee nervous.]

INTERVIEWEE: I'm not gonna get this job, am I?

HOUSE: It's a done deal! I knew it the moment I saw you. Interview's just a formality.

[Cuddy enters, as usual wondering what House is doing in her office.]

CUDDY: House! What are you...

HOUSE: Lisa Cuddy. This is Patrick Winneham. Patrick's gonna be the new intern, rotating in my department.

[Patrick smiles at Cuddy.]

CUDDY: I... didn't even know you were looking for one. Nice to meet you.

[She holds out her hand for a handshake. Patrick shakes her hand, laughing with a pig-like grunt.]

PATRICK: Sorry, I laugh when I'm nervous.

HOUSE: Bet you've been doing that your whole life, huh?

[House hands Patrick's form to Cuddy.]

CUDDY: What kind of medicine are you interested in, Patrick?

PATRICK: Cancer! Infectious disease. The big devils.

[Cuddy looks at him, skeptically.]

PATRICK: [over-enthusiastic] I think that medicine has become too institutionalized. We need to send a message to our patients that we're just like them, I mean, we're all people.

[House is trying his level best to act like he cares. Patrick looks at them nervously, after he finishes.]

HOUSE: [mock-impressed] "We're all people". Pfch! I like that.

[Patrick laughs and grunts. House and Cuddy look at him.]

HOUSE: She's all hard-science, facts. I like to know a person's hopes and dreams. What kind of music do you like, Patrick...?

CUDDY: [wait a minute!] Actually, I'm...

HOUSE: I'm a Mozart man. [with a bit too much feeling] He says what I feel... but can't express.

[Cuddy gets it and shoots House a glare.]

CUDDY: I'm late for a meeting.

[She goes over to where House is sitting and starts picking up her files.]

HOUSE: You see, this is why the face-to-face interview is so important. Gotta know who you're getting in bed with.

[Patrick seems to agree. Cuddy, on the other hand, decides now's a great time to open the desk's front drawer all the way out, enough to let House have it right in the lower stomach. House shuts up. Cuddy picks something out of the drawer and closes it. She leans in close to House.]

CUDDY: [quietly] Get him outa here.

[House watches her leave and looks ominously at poor Patrick.]

CUT TO:

[Leona's room. Chase sets up the desferoxamine IV drip for Leona, while Crandall watches.]

CHASE: Desferoxamine is a chelating agent. Binds to the iron, so that the liver can get rid of it. Once the iron's out of the liver, it's finally evacuated by the body in the form of urine.

[Crandall looks as if Chase may well be talking about nuclear physics.]

CHASE: Should be quick and painless.

[CGI: The camera moves along the IV drip and zooms into Leona's chest, to show the badly damaged lungs. Red blood cells, interspersed with some green stuff and massive foreign particles, travel through the alveoli. The foreign particles bust through the walls of the alveoli, making it look like swiss cheese.]

[Leona's monitor starts beeping. Chase seems surprised. leona starts gasping for breath.]

CHASE: Leona?

CRANDALL: [panicky] What's happening?

CHASE: Crash cart! She's not getting any air!

[Leona's neck is arched upwards, while she coughs. Two orderlies bring in a crash cart. Chase removes Leona's pillow from underneath her head and starts to intubate.]

CUT TO:

[Leona's room. Later. Leona has been stabilized and is unconscious. Crandall sits by her side, holding her hand.]

CUT TO:

[PPTH waiting area. The Ducklings are sitting on the couches there, while House limps about.]

CHASE: CT showed her lungs are swiss cheese. Ventilator's helping, but at this rate, her time is basically up.

HOUSE: We developed a theory. Hemochromatosis. Like good scientists, we tested that theory. We proved that theory. We acted based on that proof and we treated her. As a result of which she's on the verge of death. Is it just me or have we discovered a flaw in a scientific method? Walk me through it, step-by-step. What is supposed to happen when you give someone desferoxamine?

CAMERON: It's a chelating agent.

HOUSE: What does the chelating do?

CHASE: Removes excess iron from the liver.

HOUSE: How?

CHASE: The iron is heavy. Gets stuck. Desferoxamine is like a lubricant. Makes the iron slick so it can move around again.

HOUSE: Moves around where?

CHASE: Supposed to be discharged through waste.

HOUSE: Her waste system is a little screwy right now. Means the iron can't go where it wants to go. What if it moved to her lungs?

FOREMAN: What happens when her lungs likes iron, bound with it, started poking holes.

[House stops limping and takes a seat across them.]

HOUSE: What likes iron?

CHASE: Oxygen attaches itself to the iron which increases the chance of infection.

[House massages his leg.]

FOREMAN: We started massive antibiotics prior to the radiation.

CAMERON: [arguing] Some neuro-degenerative diseases like iron.

CHASE: [refuting] MRI was clean. No iron deposits on the brain.

FOREMAN: Fungus likes iron.

[A beat.]

HOUSE: No objections to that one?

CHASE: If a fungus is doing all this, she's dead. There are twenty-five antifungals, if we don't know which fungus...

HOUSE: When in doubt, go broad.

[He checks his watch.]

CAMERON: Most common is aspergillis.

HOUSE: Continue to ventilate her lungs. Get her on a voriconazole drip and... hope she has aspergillis.

[He limps away.]

CUT TO:

[Clinic. House is waiting there with a syringe. Cuddy enters. She seems a bit bemused as she closes the door.]

CUDDY: The process is confidential. You violated his privacy.

[She lifts up her skirt and bends over (for the injection!!! No funny ideas...).]

CUDDY: How did you even...?

[He prepares to administer the injection in the same place as before (lucky son-of-a-*****!!).]

HOUSE: I looked up "loser" in the cryo-bank. Wouldn't go within a hundred miles of that idiot. And you're willing to have his baby.

CUDDY: I'm not looking for a date. I'm tired of looking...

[House jabs the needle into her butt.]

CUDDY: Ow!

[House finishes up and Cuddy straightens up. House hands her a cotton ball.]

HOUSE: Cotton ball?

[Cuddy takes it.]

HOUSE: I don't care if you marry this guy, date this guy or go through his garbage, but you should know... Genes matter! Who you are matters. Find somebody you trust.

CUDDY: Someone like you?

HOUSE: Someone you like.

[He leaves. Cuddy seems thoughtful.]

CUT TO:

[Wide shot of PPTH. Day.]

CUT TO:

[House's office. The blinds are drawn. Wilson enters.]

WILSON: Listen... oh, sorry! Okay!

[What Wilson sees is House sitting pantless on his bookcase, with a young girl moving back and forth in front of his groin.]

HOUSE: [not like he cares] It's not what you think.

MASSEUSE: [Swedish accent] I rub hees leg.

WILSON: Oh, Ingrid. [okay] Hi.

[Ingrid continues her work as Wilson speaks.]

WILSON: Okay, you feel guilty about stealing the guy's girl, I get that, and I'm glad. It's a good thing. But you did the paternity test. And either the paternity test comes back negative and you shove it in the guy's face or... it comes back positive and you shut up and your leg starts hurting.

HOUSE: Or I never ran the test.

[Cameron enters. House makes a preemptive strike.]

HOUSE: Not what you think!

CAMERON: Leona's lung's collapsed. The treatment's not working. We got the wrong fungus.

[She leaves.]

HOUSE: [to Ingrid] Stop. She ruined it.

[Wilson smiles as he leaves.]

CUT TO:

[Diagnostics office.]

HOUSE: Three rules for hunting fungus. Location, location, location.

CHASE: Crandall says she was living at the children's shelter in Ridgeland.

HOUSE: Okay. The one thing we know for sure is she was not living at the children's shelter at Ridgeland.

FOREMAN: Why would he lie about that?

HOUSE: He wouldn't. He'd believe her story about the sweet little girl trying to do the right thing.

CAMERON: We can't ask Leona where she was. She's intubated.

[House considers it.]

CUT TO:

[Leona's room. House injects something into Leona's IV. Leona stirs awake.]

LEONA: [muffled by oxygen mask] What happened...?

HOUSE: Don't talk. You got a big... medical thing in your mouth. Just blink if you understand me.

[Leona blinks slowly.]

HOUSE: Fantastic. Blink if you lied to Crandall about everything.

[No blink.]

HOUSE: You picked up a fungus somewhere. If you were living in the shelter like you told you new daddy, [shrugs] I got nothing to go on. And you will die. So, did-you-lie-to-Crandall?

[No blink.]

HOUSE: You're a lousy con artist. First rule of the game is to know your mark. Once you got Crandall to bit on the papa thing, you had him. You coulda told him that you were servicing Al-Qaeda suicide bombers for crack, the guy would still let you pick out the colours in your new room. [stern] Did-you-lie-to- Crandall?

[Leona's eyes glisten with tears, and then she slowly blinks. House sees it and picks up a nearby notepad and pen. He picks up Leona's right hand and places the pen in it.]

HOUSE: Where were you?

[Leona writes, without looking.]

CUT TO:

[PPTH corridor. House comes out of the ICU, holding the pad. The glass doors open automatically as he exits. He meets the Ducklings.]

HOUSE: [holding up the pad, dramatically] And the winner is... Oh, you read it. I just get so nervous with these things.

[He hands the pad over to Cameron, who seems fairly amused.]

CAMERON: [reading] "Recording studio".

HOUSE: She read the book. She knew how much Crandall hated that place, what went on there. She over- played her hand.

CAMERON: She was desperate. She didn't sell this, she was stuck in hell.

CHASE: Recording studio doesn't help us medically?

HOUSE: Recording studios... why are these buildings different from all other buildings?

CAMERON: Sound-proofing. To absorb sound, also absorbs moisture.

HOUSE: Where there is moisture, a lot of it, say Katrina moist...

FOREMAN: Zygomycosis. Only occurs at the highest levels of mold.

HOUSE: Start her on an IV drip for amphotericin B with colony-stimulating factors. She'll be fine by... dinner.

[The Ducklings get to work as he leaves.]

CUT TO:

[Leona's room. Foreman is administering the IV drip to Leona as Crandall watches.]

FOREMAN: [reassuring] She's gonna be fine.

CRANDALL: She said she'd never go back there.

FOREMAN: [smiling] She lied to you. She's your kid. Get used to it.

[With a pat on the back, Foreman leaves. Crandall sits next to Leona and takes her hand in his. He smiles awkwardly.]

CUT TO:

[House's office. House is at his desk. Cuddy enters. House looks up, waiting for her to say something. By the looks of it, Cuddy definitely has something she wants to say to House. House waits for it. Cuddy seems torn whether to say it or not. Finally...]

CUDDY: Thank you for the injections.

[House, pretty much guessing that that was not what she had come to say, nods.]

HOUSE: You're welcome.

[Cuddy, still in two minds, turns to leave.]

HOUSE: You came all the way up here just to tell me that?

CUDDY: [turning around] No.

[House seems to understand.]

CUT TO:

[Aerial shot of PPTH. Evening.]

CUT TO:

[Leona's room. House is examining Leona.]

HOUSE: Pretty much normal. Liver function tests are good.

CRANDALL: Thanks. G-Man.

[House nods.]

HOUSE: What makes you think you'd be a good father?

CRANDALL: I don't know. Feels right. Feels good.

HOUSE: Well, 'least you got a good reason.

CRANDALL: "Feels good" is a good enough reason.

[Leona starts choking.]

CRANDALL: [panicky] What's happening?

HOUSE: [calm] She's choking. She can't breathe. [to nurse] Get him outa here, will you?

[Crandall seems hesitant.]

HOUSE: Out!

[He turns to Leona urgently, picking up a big pair of scissors and some other instrument. He turns around, addressing the nurse who's pushing Crandall outside, holding up the instruments.]

HOUSE: Wait! The curtain!

[Leona continues to choke. Once Crandall and the nurse are out of sight, House relaxes and dumps the instruments. He starts to remove Leona's breathing apparatus.]

HOUSE: You're breathing on your own. Choking's normal.

[He finishes removing the apparatus, allowing her to breathe normally.]

HOUSE: I lied to him. I ran a paternity test. Your lie... was a bad one.

[She looks at him, confused.]

HOUSE: He is your dad.

[Leona starts to cry. House opens the curtains, using his cane. Crandall is waiting anxiously there.]

HOUSE: We're even.

[He walks off as Crandall runs over to Leona, who cries softly.]

CUT TO:

[House's apartment. His phone is ringing (like he cares...). The machine picks up.]

WILSON: Uh, your machine's broken. There's not even a message.

[House opens the results of the paternity test. Next to "Results: " is, in big bold red letters, the word "NEGATIVE".]

WILSON: House? You there?... Oookay! See you Moday, I guess. [hangs up]

[House keeps the paternity result on his table, right next to the now-empty morphine syringe. He lounges comefortably on his sofa.]

[Credits.]

Season 2 X 22 : Forever

Original Airdate: 5/9/2006
Written by: Liz Friedman
Directed by: Daniel Sackheim
Transcript by: Jenna

BEGINNING

FADE IN.

[ECU. Eye flickering open from sleep. A baby's cries can be head in the background.]

[Eye's POV: The digital clock. Double-vision of the time (6:19).]

[The eye belongs to Brent Mason. He moves a baby bottle out of his field of vision (the explanation for the double vision) to see the time now hit 6:20. Drowsily, he gets up from bed.]

CUT TO:

[The bathroom. Brent is wearing office clothes and is washing is face. He seems to feel a bit sick and gags. His wife, Kara, enters, carrying their baby, Michael.]

KARA: Honey?

[Brent coughs a couple of times.]

KARA: Are you all right?

BRENT: Yeah. Yeah, just fighting off a stomach problem. I... I'll be fine. [Re: Michael] Did he sleep okay?

KARA: Great. 'Long as I was holding him. Can't wait for colic to be over. Oh, shhhh... Hold on, Mikey. Bath time's coming.

[She starts to fill up the bathtub.]

KARA: He lifted his head yesterday. [Brent, getting dressed, smiles at her.] Take the day off. I mean, you're sick anyway and... and you hardly ever see him. Or me.

BRENT: I can't. I got a meeting with Crandall's Kitchens. I think that deal's gonna close.

KARA: They called about the car payment again. It's two months late.

BRENT: [reassuring] We're gonna be fine, honey. [to Michael] Enjoy your bath, little man.

[He kisses Michael on the head and Kara on the lips and leaves.]

CUT TO:

[The stairs. As he's walking down the stairs, his head starts to spin and he staggers a bit. He walks clumsily, holding on to the banister, and throws up.]

CUT TO:

[Their apartment. He enters, looking quite nauseous.]

BRENT: Y' know... Honey... Honey, I'm not gonna go in. I'm coming down with something. [no reply] Honey? Kara? Kara?

[He enters the bathroom, finding Kara in the bathtub, full of soapy water. He circles around to face her, and sees that she's having a seizure.]

BRENT: Kara!

[He starts to lift her out of the water, when he sees something much worse. Michael is underwater! He drops Kara and fishes out Michael hurriedly.]

BRENT: Mikey! Mikey! Kara!

[Kara's seizure continues as Brent hugs his wet baby close to him.]

BRENT: Mikey!

[Opening Credits]

[PPTH. Michael is being wheeled in by paramedics. There's high tension in the atmosphere. Chase runs towards the gurney]

PARAMEDIC 1: [Couldn't make out this part] [?] Don't know how long! Non-responsive at the scene!

[Chase looks down at Michael, crying.]

NURSE: Get a trauma team here!

CHASE: Obviously, breathing now. Continue the blow-by, start portable tests!

PARAMEDIC 2: [wheeling in Kara] Caucasian female, 32...

KARA: [neck held in place on the gurney, panicked] Why am I...?

PARAMEDIC 2: ... tonic-clonic seizure in the bathroom!

DOCTOR: Put her on the scan!

KARA: Where... where am I?

CHASE: [preparing to transfer Michael to a bed] One, one, two, three! [transfer done.]

PARAMEDIC 2: [transferring Kara to a bed] One, two, three!

BRENT: You're in a hospital. Honey, you're in a hospital. Honey, Mikey's here. And the doctors say he's gonna be okay.

CHASE: Hopefully! Needs to be checked out by the [?]...

KARA: What happened?

BRENT: You passed out...

KARA: [shocked] What?!

BRENT: Mikey fell. He's...

CHASE: [calling out] Your wife had a seizure before?

BRENT: No.

KARA: Can't move my head. I wanna see him.

BRENT: He's right here, honey. He's okay. He's right here.

[Kara groans as she tries to turn her head.]

CUT TO:

[PPTH Reception. House and Wilson are entering the hospital.]

HOUSE: Tonight, "L Word" marathon.

WILSON: You watch "The L Word"?

HOUSE: On mute.

WILSON: I'll pass. [House looks at him] Dinner with Cuddy.

HOUSE: Still sucking up so she'll fund your playspace for the chemo-kids? They really ought to save their energy for other things, like crying.

[The elevator dings and the doors open.]

WILSON: [sighs] She's the suck-up. [enters the elevator.]

[House hangs back for a moment (jealous?).]

HOUSE: She asked you? [enters the elevator with Wilson]

WILSON: She's smart. She knows if she buys me enough alcohol, my defenses just might be weakened.

[Elevator door closes.]

HOUSE: Doesn't make sense. Why she ran out of batteries. [lets Wilson absorb the barb.]

WILSON: Hey, I'm recently single. She's single.

[The elevator stops and they get off.]

HOUSE: You're too nice for her to like you. She's not needy enough for you to like her. [walking away from Wilson] She's got an agenda. Just not one that includes an appearance by Little Jimmy. I'll poll my peeps!

[House enters the diagnostics office and, without looking, starts talking.]

HOUSE: How may of you think that Cuddy asked...?

[He shuts up, seeing that Cameron is the only one sitting there.]

HOUSE: Or rather "peep"...

CAMERON: Chase got a case in the ER. [handing House a file] He wants us to take a look.

HOUSE: [waving away the file, irritably] Unless Chase broke his neck, falling off his polo pony, he had no reason to be in the ER.

CAMERON: Cuddy put him on a two-week NICU rotation. Patient had an unexpected seizure...

HOUSE: Seizures are cool to watch, but boring to diagnose. What about Foreman? When does he get his malingering butt down here?

CAMERON: [peeved] He almost died.

FOREMAN: [entering, smiling] "Almost" being the operative word.

[He stands there, looking absolutely cheerful. Cameron gets up, just in time to get a bearhug from him.]

CAMERON: Hey, how're you doing? You look great!

FOREMAN: Thanks.

[Cameron seems a little squeezed, while House looks on indifferently.]

FOREMAN: I feel great!

HOUSE: Glad you're back. [picks up the coffee pot] Cameron makes lousy coffee. I'll take mine black, the way I take my brain-damaged neurologist.

FOREMAN: [releasing Cameron] Happy to help.

[He takes the coffee pot and goes over to the pantry.]

CAMERON: How are you coming along?

HOUSE: Tell her everything is great. Neither of us wants to deal with her guilt.

CAMERON: I don't feel guilty!

HOUSE: 'Course not. Hell, if people felt guilt everytime they accidentally lobotomized a guy...

CAMERON: I was trying to save his life!

[Foreman seems to be having trouble opening the packet of coffee grinds.]

HOUSE: Yeah. Your heart was in the right place. [sees Foreman fumbling around] Just his brain is not quite where it's supposed to be.

[He grabs the packet from Foreman and yanks the top off with his teeth.]

HOUSE: Tell her everything's great.

FOREMAN: [happily]It's true. No more left side-right side reversals, still some short-term memory loss and spatial crises and problems, but trying not to be too hard on myself.

HOUSE: Yeah, might pull a muscle.

FOREMAN: We have a case?

CAMERON: Seizure that can't be explained by epilepsy. And accompanied by elevated calcium levels....

HOUSE: [watching Foreman use a tissue] Still bored! Tell her why.

FOREMAN: Because seizure with mildly elevated calcium is diagnostically simple. It's either hypertherothyroid, cancer or calcium-mediated neurotoxicity.

HOUSE: Well done. But until you can remember how to make coffee, hands off the patients.

CAMERON: House!

[House looks at her.]

CAMERON: All those reasons this case bores you, the ER has already ruled them out.

[House's curiosity/interest music plays.]

CUT TO:

[NICU. Chase is examining Michael.]

CHASE: [to nurse] Lungs are clear. Get an EEG. Confirm the brain function's okay.

[The camera pans to show that House, Cameron and Foreman are also there.]

HOUSE: [annoyed] Can we focus on the task at hand? Why did mommy twitch so hard that she tossed the baby in with the bathwater?

CHASE: You're gonna need me for this?

HOUSE: 'Course I need you. We're a team!

CHASE: Polyarteritis nodosa. Inflamed arteries in the brain cause seizures, inflamed arteries in the kidneys cause calcium build-up.

HOUSE: You're a moron. Did you even look at the file? Kidney function's fine.

CAMERON: Whipple's.

HOUSE: What?

CAMERON: Whipple's!

HOUSE: [handing her the file] Test her.

[Cameron leaves.]

HOUSE: Cameron thinks it starts with a "W". I'm thinking "V".

CHASE: Dad vomited this morning. Maybe they both have strep.

HOUSE: [to Foreman] Think you can do a strep throat culture without the swab ending up in the guy's poop-chute?

FOREMAN: [unfazed, smiling] "V" for "Vasoconstriction".

HOUSE: That'd be my guess.

FOREMAN: Less calcium makes blood vessels in the brain clamp down. The best case scenario is seizure, worst case - stroke.

HOUSE: [to Chase] Do a digital subtraction angiogram. Foreman can't tell up from down, Cameron's a girl. All that mechanical stuff...

CHASE: Sorry. Cuddy says I'm stuck here.

[He walks away. House seems a bit surprised.]

CUT TO:

[Cuddy's office. She enters for the day and starts placing her stuff around the desk. She pulls a small cardboard box out of a paper bag and switches on the lamp nearby to read what's written on it.]

HOUSE: [sitting on sofa near entrance, facing her back] You're late.

[Cuddy seems both surprised and outraged.]

CUDDY: And you are in my locked office. Again.

[Back still to him, she hurriedly puts the box in her purse]

HOUSE: What you got there? Special panties for your date with Wilson?

CUDDY: It's not a date. And it's none of your business.

HOUSE: If it's not a date, it is business. And if it was business, you wouldn't say it was none of my business.

CUDDY: [hanging up her coat] What do you want?

HOUSE: I wanna talk about your date with Wilson.

CUDDY: [laughing] It's not a date.

HOUSE: This is fun. Spring Chase from NICU and I'll shut up about your date.

CUDDY: NICU is short-staffed.

HOUSE: You suddenly lost the ability to lie? Nobody's quit NICU in two years. [stands up] And if you're making up reasons, that means there is no reason. Which means he asked for the assignment, didn't he?

CUDDY: If Chase needs a break from you, he should take it.

[Cuddy looks at House smug.]

HOUSE: Absolutely.

CUT TO:

[Cameron is looking at some pretty sweet 3D slices of someone's head. Foreman enters.]

FOREMAN: [cheerily] Mom and Dad, negative for strep.

[Cameron rotates the 3D view of the blood vessels in the brain.]

CAMERON: You'll be allowed to play with the big toys soon.

[They share a chuckle.]

FOREMAN: Or not. Either way, I'm fine.

CAMERON: You don't have to say that.

FOREMAN: It's okay. I can always work in a research lab or teach.

CAMERON: And you'd be okay with that?

FOREMAN: Why wouldn't I be?

CAMERON: You were planning on pursuing grants of your own. Running a department.

FOREMAN: [emphatically] I'm alive! Changing jobs, not making coffee... if that stuff bothers me now, I don't deserve this second chance.

[Cameron looks at him, feeling rather guilty.]

CUT TO:

[NICU. Chase is examining one of the babies. He sees Brent standing in front of Michael's crib.]

CHASE: They say that physical contact helps the healing process.

[Brent slowly touches his index finger to Michael's little hand. Michael seems a bit placated. Brent smiles.]

CUT TO:

[MRI lab. Kara is about to get an MRI done. Cameron is prepping her.]

CUT TO:

[NICU. Michael starts to get agitated. His monitor starts beeping rapidly. Chase hurries over to take a look at the monitor.]

BRENT: What's happening?

CHASE: Son's not getting enough oxygen. [to nurse] Take Mr. Mason outside.

[The nurse leads Brent outside. Another nurse applies an oxygen mask to Michael.]

CUT TO:

[MRI Lab. Suddenly, Kara cries out in pain and her body arches upward. Blood starts streaming from one of the catheters and splatters on Cameron. Cameron struggles to get her to lie down.]

CUT TO:

[NICU. Chase is attending to Michael.]

CHASE: Lung's collapsed. He's not getting any air! I need an IV catheter!

CUT TO:

[MRI Lab. Cameron tries to push Kara down. Kara's hand is shaking like crazy. Foreman enters.]

FOREMAN: Another seizure?

CAMERON: Her chest muscles aren't contracting! It's something else!

CUT TO:

[NICU. A nurse runs up with a needle and hands it to Chase. She swabs Michael's chest with cotton.]

CUT TO:

[MRI Lab. Kara's back is arching outwards even more as she yells out in pain.]

CAMERON: Whole back is spasming. We need two milligrams of Lorazepam stat!

[Foreman hurries to get it.]

CUT TO:

[NICU. Chase pushes the needle into Michael's chest.]

[CGI: Inside Michael's chest. The needle enters. The air escapes out the needle, allowing the lung to expand properly.]

[The monitor shows his O2 stats increasing.]

NURSE: He's okay.

CHASE: His lung wouldn't collapse if he was okay.

CUT TO:

[MRI Lab. Kara is still spasming.]

CAMERON: [helpless] What the hell's happening?

FOREMAN: [wide-eyed] I have no idea.

[Kara continues to cry out in pain, back still arched upwards.]

CUT TO:

[NICU. Michael is asleep, with an oxygen mask around his face and other sensors attached to him.]

CUT TO:

[Kara's room. Kara, now stabilized, lies on her side, eventually falling asleep.]

CUT TO:

[NICU. Chase puts up an X-ray of Michael's lung on a lightboard. House and other Ducklings enter.]

HOUSE: So! What causes seizures, hypercalcimia and the thing where mommy bends like Gumby.

CHASE: I'm a little busy here.

HOUSE: [looking at X-ray] Uh-oh! Baby's lungs are gonna conk out any minute. Probably wanna deal with that.

CHASE: I'll get right on it as soon as I finish indulging my boss.

HOUSE: Multitask!

CHASE: Clinical pneumenitis. [?] got into the baby's lungs when he was underwater. [to nurse] Start him on prednisone, keep him on High FI O2.

[The nurse leaves.]

HOUSE: Let the indulging commence.

CHASE: Lithium could cause all three of the mother's symptoms.

CAMERON: No record she's on lithium.

FOREMAN: And tox screen was negative for...

HOUSE: Lithium doesn't show on a basic tox screen, scarecrow.

FOREMAN: Myluminous meningitis could also cover everything.

HOUSE: [beat] Rare complications of a rare blood cancer. You're not totally hopeless.

[Foreman smiles in victory.]

HOUSE: [to Cameron] Get an S-PAP and an MRI for the myluminous meningitis. [to Foreman] Search the patient's place for lithium. Baby's lung problem was bacterial, not chemical. Start ECMO. While you're searching for the lithium, take a water sample and check the pipes. Want me to write this down for you?

[Foreman purses his lips and leaves.]

HOUSE: [to Chase] I ask you, is almost dying any excuse for not being fun?

[He leaves. Chase follows.]

CUT TO:

[PPTH corridors. Chase catches up to House.]

CHASE: I'm not putting that baby on ECMO. The chance of their being bacteria in bathwater is...

HOUSE: [stops, interrupts] Why don't you wanna work for me? I'm nice, fun at parties.

CHASE: [cornered] I'm... not working at NICU because of you. The baby's X-ray suggests a chemical pneumenitis.

HOUSE: [walking away] To me, X-ray was too consolidated. So why are you down here? Hoping to expand your make-out pool, include the pre- to nine-year old demographic?

[He stops at the elevator and hits the button.]

CHASE: [sighs] I needed a break. From patients. They lie to us all the time. Foreman almost died trying to save a drug-dealing cop. I just... wanted to get away from that for a while.

HOUSE: [beat] What a complete load of crap. What am I, a nurse you're trying to prep with this vulnerability thing?

CHASE: [firm] ECMO could kill him.

HOUSE: You don't start him on ECMO and that infection could rampage through his body like Piston fans after a championship. [the elevator arrives] But you do it your way. There's nothing more honest than a dead baby.

[Camera holds on Chase.]

CUT TO:

[Outside the NICU. Chase is explaining the procedure to Brent.]

CHASE: ECMO stands for Extra Corporeal Membrane Oxygenation. Basically, we remove your son's blood...

BRENT: All of his blood?

CHASE: We run it through a machine which takes out carbon dioxide and adds oxygen. Then we rewarm the blood and run it back into his body. There is a significant risk of internal hemorrhaging and he may also suffer...

BRENT: You put him on antibiotics. Won't that take care of the infection?

CHASE: Not fast enough.

BRENT: Are you sure this is Mikey's best shot?

CHASE: [nodding] Absolutely.

CUT TO:

[NICU. The ECMO is underway.]

CUT TO:

[Wilson's office. As Wilson sits unmoved in his desk, House dumps a whole load of trash on his desk and starts sifting through it.]

WILSON: Cuddy's trash?

HOUSE: Not anymore. Paid good money for it.

[He shows Wilson the now-empty cardboard box that Cuddy was hiding the other time.]

HOUSE: Look at what she bought.

WILSON: "Red Clover".

HOUSE: What is "Red Clover" used for, Dr. Wilson?

WILSON: Also used to treat asthma, psoriasis, joint pain...

HOUSE: She doesn't wheeze, flake or ache. And she didn't ask a pulmonologist or dermatologist for dinner. She invited an oncologist.

[Wilson looks worried and a bit let down.]

HOUSE: It's not a date, it's a consult.

[The door opens. Cameron walks in. She seems a bit puzzled about Wilson's normally pristine desk, cluttered with trash.]

CAMERON: Mom's MRI was negative for masses, abscesses. There's no sign she's biologically...

HOUSE: Fascinating! Call me when you have s...

CAMERON: She has a sub-arachnoid bleed.

CUT TO:

[PPTH corridors. House limps, followed by Cameron.]

HOUSE: So why is our patient bleeding into her brain?

CAMERON: Her blood work-up shows her proteins elevated.

HOUSE: She's bleeding because she's not clotting. Why is she not clotting?

[They enter the Diagnostics office. Foreman is there, with his findings from the Mason household.]

HOUSE: [Mr. Sensitivity] What'd you bring us, Deady?

FOREMAN: Only mood-altering drug was vodka. At the back of her drawer.

CAMERON: Hiding booze is classic alcoholic behaviour. That could explain the bleeding.

FOREMAN: What bleeding?

HOUSE: [pointedly] You don't remember? She bled all over you this morning?

[Foreman seems confused.]

HOUSE: Kidding. Idiots are fun. No wonder every village wants one.

[Foreman smiles and takes the file from Cameron.]

CAMERON: If she's an alcoholic, she would also be more prone to hypercalcimia.

FOREMAN: But, tox screen was negative for alcohol.

HOUSE: Hey, it was your idea! Now it's even better. Mommy quits, she gets the D.T.s, even explains the seizure.

FOREMAN: Also fits conversion disorder. They're deep in debt, he's working round the clock, they got a new baby. I think the seizure was a physical response to psychological stress.

HOUSE: Boozy mommy covers more symptoms. Put her in a nice phenobarbitol coma before the D.T.s kill her.

[Foreman nods and starts to leave.]

HOUSE: Where're you going?

FOREMAN: [stops, surprised] To... put her in a phenocoma.

HOUSE: What if I'm wrong? What if daddy's the drunk?

CAMERON: Do you want us to give her the pheno or not?

HOUSE: I want him to argue his point!

FOREMAN: I assume you considered the father and ruled him out.

HOUSE: What's that saying? "When you Ass-ume, you become a pain in the ass to me"?

FOREMAN: Why should I argue? You'd just overrule me.

HOUSE: [shouts] Enough! Get a pony or a watermelon farm.

CAMERON: [can't believe what she's hearing] House!

HOUSE: I need him to react! I need him to act like a human being. Need him to get over this boring, near-death rebirth.

FOREMAN: [still smiling] I have changed. It's not something you get over.

HOUSE: Nearly dying changes everything forever. For about two months. Two months is too long. I need the guy I hired back. Now!

FOREMAN: No matter how much your misery loves company, it's not getting mine.

[House looks at Cameron, exasperated.]

FOREMAN: I'll talk to the dad. Cameron can take the mom. We'll figure out if mom is a drinker.

HOUSE: Waste of time. Put her in a coma before the D.T.s kill her.

[Foreman leaves with a smile. Cameron also leaves, staring at House. House returns her stare.]

CUT TO:

[Fancy restaurant. Cuddy and Wilson are on their date/consult/whatever House says it is. Obligatory piano music plays in the background. Wilson seems to be more interested in eating than Cuddy.]

CUDDY: [wiping her mouth with a napkin] So, is this a separation or a...

WILSON: [shrugs] Our lawyers have been hired, friends divvied up. Oddly she didn't fight me for House.

CUDDY: [laughs] At least there aren't kids involved. Just have each other to deal with.

WILSON: [thoughtful] If there had been kids, maybe we would've done more of that.

CUDDY: [beat] Do you want kids?

WILSON: [beat] Listen, is there anything in particular you... wanted to... possible business or...

CUDDY: [shaking her head, smiling] Catching up. I mean, you know, it's not like either one of us has anybody to run home to. [laughs]

WILSON: No. [resumes eating.]

[Cuddy gives up and resumes eating as well.]

CUT TO:

[Kara's room. She opens her eyes.]

[Her POV: Cameron standing over her, slowly coming into focus.]

CAMERON: How're you feeling?

KARA: [hoarse] Okay. Bit groggy.

CAMERON: [smiling] There's somebody here to see you.

[She moves aside to show Brent, holding Michael, standing there. Brent smiles and goes to Kara.]

BRENT: Hey, Mikey. Mommy's awake.

[Kara slowly gets up and takes Michael in her arms.]

KARA: Ohhh Mikey. Oh God, I was so scared. Oh...

[She kisses Michael lightly on the head.]

KARA: I love you so much. Oh... shhh... [to Brent] I'm sorry.

BRENT: [shaking his had] You don't have anything to be sorry about. You were sick.

[Cameron, watching from outside the room, smiles and leaves.]

CUT TO:

[Wide aerial shot of PPTH. Day.]

CUT TO:

[Reception area. House and Foreman and walking together.]

FOREMAN: Turns out, she and her husband met in AA. Obviously she slipped. Good call.

HOUSE: Wasn't hard, considering my other choice was your stupid psych theory.

[Foreman has some trouble holding a pen. Still, House does not get the reaction he was hoping for.]

HOUSE: Which was not stupid! I'm telling you, I'm gonna drop the N-Bomb if I have to.

FOREMAN: [patting House on the shoulder, laughing] You're addicted to conflict.

HOUSE: [looking at his Vicodin] Did they change the name?

[He dry-swallows some Vicodin.]

FOREMAN: You could have handled this patient without dragging Chase in. The fact that he didn't want in, killed you.

[However, House is not listening to him. He is more interested in what Kara is doing in her room. Her back is to the hall and she is propping herself up on her left hand, obviously doing something strenuous with her right.]

FOREMAN: ...Just like the fact that you can't get a rise out of me.

[House starts moving worriedly towards Kara's room. He notices Michael's bassinet is empty.]

HOUSE: Where's the baby?

[He drops his cane and run/limps into Kara's room, shoving the bassinet out of the way, to see Kara deliberately smothering Michael with a pillow. Foreman pulls her off Michael as she kicks and yells. House picks up Michael slowly and hears for a pulse/heartbeat.

KARA: Help me! Get off! I got to do this!

HOUSE: [urgent] No breath sounds! Crash cart baby, STAT!

[He administers CPR to Michael, while Foreman subdues Kara, who continues to struggle and scream.]

HOUSE: [to Foreman] Told you your psych theory wasn't stupid.

CUT TO:

[Outside the NICU. Brent looks despondently at Michael being attended to. Foreman is with him.]

FOREMAN: Your son is stable. But the lack of oxygen damaged his kidneys.

BRENT: She must have rolled over on him by mistake.

FOREMAN: [sighs] Mr. Mason, I was there. Your wife tried to smother your son.

BRENT: [sniffs, firm] That's impossible. Kara would never hurt Mikey.

CUT TO:

[Kara's room. She is restrained to her bed. Cameron is checking up on her.]

KARA: He knows. They said Mikey knows.

CAMERON: You hear voices?

KARA: They wouldn't quit saying that Mikey would be better off. They were right.

CUT TO:

[Diagnostics office. Cameron is reporting to House and Foreman.]

CAMERON: We've been trying to diagnose a seizure that didn't exist. She faked it when her husband caught her.

FOREMAN: I don't think she faked it.

CAMERON: [arguing] She just happened to seize right in the middle of drowning her child? Lucky break for the kid.

HOUSE: [mock-fatherly] Heyyy. Take it easy on Foreman. He's playing with one lobe tied behind his back.

FOREMAN: Postpartum psychosis makes you wanna drown a kid. But the internal conflict triggers a seizure.

HOUSE: You know what else might be a trigger? Physical illness. It's a wild idea, I know, especially since she doesn't have any obvious physical symptoms like internal bleeding or excess calcium.

FOREMAN: I'll draw some blood. Test for...

[House loses it, flailing his arms and opening his eyes wide. He cries out in exasperation.]

HOUSE: Jeez, you've done it again! Will you argue with me? Drinkers don't eat right. Explains the bleeding and the calcium. This might just be some crazy drunk and I'm telling you that she's about to die of myluminous meningitis!

CAMERON: We already tested for...

HOUSE: Exactly! It's an insane idea!

FOREMAN: Okay. What do you want me to do?

HOUSE: Have an original thought. [calming down] In the meantime, stress her into having another seizure.

FOREMAN: Can't. She's on haloperidol.

HOUSE: You also can't because it's dangerous and highly unethical! Therefore, if you get caught, pretend you can't make coffee. Mental defectives get tons of slack.

[Foreman only smiles. House wipes his brow. Cameron closes her eyes in slight disgust.]

HOUSE: [sighs] Take her off the haloperidol, hook her up to an EEG, flash some lights, make her pant, shoot her up with a placebo. When she starts twitching and the machine twitches along, it's real. If not, call the cops. She's a psycho killer.

[Foreman gets up and leaves without a word. Cameron follows House into his office.]

CAMERON: Stop pushing him!

HOUSE: Stop protecting him.

CAMERON: He needs it.

HOUSE: Not if he wants to get better.

CAMERON: He might not be able to get better.

HOUSE: Well then, I need a new neurologist.

CAMERON: He got sick during his job.

HOUSE: If he got killed doing his job, I wouldn't keep him on the payroll. I don't care how guilty you feel or how touched you are by his reborn spirit...

CAMERON: I'm not touched...

HOUSE: Then you're guilt-ridden.

CAMERON: I'm not guilt-ridden!

HOUSE: Then you're pathetic!

CAMERON: Right now, I'm annoyed! Keeping him up all night, the seizure is not the way to advance his recovery! It's too much!

HOUSE: You're right. You should stick around. Make sure he doesn't screw up.

[Cameron sighs in defeat.]

CUT TO:

[Seizure lab. Kara is sitting on a chair with strobing lights flashing in her face. She's hooked up to an EEG.]

FOREMAN: [over radio] Kara, look directly into the light.

[In the observation room, Foreman goes over the results. Cameron enters.]

FOREMAN: Keep looking. [to Cameron] Thought you'd be gone for the day.

CAMERON: Thought I'd wait for the bone marrow biopsy results.

FOREMAN: [smiling] House sent you to babysit me, didn't he?

CAMERON: He asked me to wait for the results.

FOREMAN: Cameron, it's fine.

CAMERON: [softly] 'Course it is.

FOREMAN: [looking at her] Look, a few weeks ago, you were upset that I didn't consider you a friend. Now you're upset that I'm happy?

CAMERON: What can I say? Apparently, I'm a bitch.

FOREMAN: [laughs aloud] Whoa! Didn't say that.

CAMERON: It's annoying. Existing every day of your life as a blessing is basically calling everyone else shallow. Gets old.

FOREMAN: Sorry.

CAMERON: Oh, give it a rest.

CUT TO:

[PPTH Lab. Wilson is performing some tests, when House limps in.]

HOUSE: How was dinner?

WILSON: Cuddy did not mention cancer.

HOUSE: She lost her nerve.

WILSON: [firm] It... was a date.

HOUSE: What're you doing?

WILSON: PCR test.

HOUSE: You're doing it yourself. In the middle of the night. On a spoon. [picks it up] Cuddy's spoon.

WILSON: I'm checking her saliva for cancer markers.

HOUSE: Yeaaah! I do that after all my dates too. [drops the spoon on the table] People think you're the nice one.

WILSON: Why are you so worried about Cuddy?

HOUSE: You go first. You desperately want this to be a date.

WILSON: Because the alternative is cancer.

HOUSE: Just admit that you like her. She's smart, funny, has a zesty bod. And it's great that you can look beyond the fact that she's the Devil!

WILSON: I stole her spoon. You stole her garbage.

HOUSE: She's my boss. She gets sick, the hospital might replace her. Specially if she dies. I'd have to learn how to manipulate someone new.

WILSON: Whoa. I think I'm gonna cry.

HOUSE: Find me when those results come in.

[House leaves.]

CUT TO:

[NICU. Brent is standing over Michael's bassinet. Chase comes over, administering medication.]

CHASE: Mr. Mason, with the damage done to your son's kidneys, his potassium is climbing. It's causing irregular heartbeats. I'm doubling the meds and starting him on dialysis. Unless we get his potassium down,... he's gonna have a heart attack.

[Brent looks worried and says nothing.]

CUT TO:

[Seizure lab. Kara is still undergoing the seizure test.]

FOREMAN: [over radio] Kara, just another few minutes.

CAMERON: Biopsy's back. She's negative for myluminous meningitis.

FOREMAN: And she's not seizing. So we're wrong and House is wrong.

CAMERON: [looking at him] You're okay with that?

[Just then, the monitor starts beeping.]

CAMERON: She's seizing.

[They look at the monitor and then at her. Kara seems to be sucking air irregularly. ]

FOREMAN: She's not doing anything.

CAMERON: Brain activity isn't accelerating, it's slowing down.

[In the lab, Kara keeps sucking air at irregular intervals and moving her fingers inwards and outwards.]

CUT TO:

[Diagnostics office. Cameron reports to House, who is resting his head on his cane. Foreman is leaning against the wall.]

CAMERON: Muscle rigidity, involuntary grasping and sucking motions. She's in encephalopathic delirium.

HOUSE: Hmm, genuine physiological illness. Rules out a few things. Like what, I wonder?

FOREMAN: [nodding his head, defeated] Postpartum psychosis and conversion disorder.

HOUSE: Thing about being a good loser, you're still a loser.

FOREMAN: [unfazed] Ouch.

[House looks at Cameron to continue.]

CAMERON: The delirium means her brain is shutting down and reverting to its most instinctual functions.

HOUSE: Since it's progressing, we can assume it's progressive. Which means it won't be long before the brain closes shop altogether. Ideas?

[Cameron says nothing.]

CUT TO:

[NICU. Michael's monitor starts beeping. A nurse runs over.]

NURSE: He's in V-Fib!

CHASE: [running over] Potassium's still too high! No pulse. Get him off the machine!

[Brent stands outside, trying to see what's going on, fear all over his face.]

[Chase pushes Michael's chest with his fingers. The nurse removes a catheter, spraying blood around. Chase takes the baby defibrillator paddles and holds it above Michael.]

CHASE: Charge to ten! Clear!

[He shocks Michael. There's a momentary rise in the heart monitor.]

NURSE: Still in V-Fib!

[Chase hands her the defibrillators and starts administering CPR.]

CHASE: Another amp of epi!

[Chase starts pushing on Michael's chest frantically, desperate to revive him.]

CUT TO:

[Diagnostics office.]

HOUSE: Chase shouldn't be wasting his time in NICU.

FOREMAN: Could be Wernicke's.

HOUSE: No, treatment for Wernicke's is thiamine. We gave her that to get her into the pheno.

CAMERON: Delirium plus the lithium... I know we didn't find any, but...

HOUSE: She'd have to be smuggling it in, getting sicker.

CAMERON: Whipple's causes encephalopathic delirium.

FOREMAN: Test was negative.

CAMERON: The test could have been wrong.

HOUSE: Ideas are not soda cans. Recycling sucks! We need something new and shiny. Or go retro. Take an old idea, shine it up, add a new symptom... [Gets a thought.] Encephalopathic delirium. Pellagra!

FOREMAN: She drinks. Alcoholics get pellagra. A lousy diet, so no niacin.

HOUSE: He agrees with me! What a shock.

FOREMAN: Y-You're right. Lack of niacin starves the brain, neurons shut down, causes seizures, encephalopathic delirium and psychosis.

[Chase enters the diagnostics office, looking quite beat and grim.]

CAMERON: [not noticed Chase yet] You give Kara niacin, she'll come out of her delirium and she'll be totally sane.

CHASE: [leaning against the wall, sadly] Don't think she's ever gonna be sane again.

[The others turn around to look at him.]

CHASE: Her son just died.

[Camera holds on House.]

CUT TO:

[NICU. The nurse is unhooking Michael from the monitor. Brent is sitting nearby, tears streaming from his eyes, sobbing quietly. She turns out the light and leaves, engulfing Brent in darkness.]

CUT TO:

[Kara's room. Foreman is checking up on her IV drips. She's awake.]

FOREMAN: How do you feel?

KARA: Um, my... uh, stomach kinda hurts.

FOREMAN: Need to ask you some questions. See how you're doing.

KARA: Hmm-hmm.

FOREMAN: Tell me your name.

KARA: Kara Mason. Is my son here?

FOREMAN: When were you born?

KARA: P-Please. Where's Michael? Is he okay?

FOREMAN: Do you hear any other voices besides mine?

KARA: [impatient, worried] No! Answer me!

FOREMAN: You've been suffering from delusions. They were caused by a vitamin deficiency. Pellagra. Made you believe things that were not real.

KARA: Like the voices.

[Foreman nods.]

KARA: [breaking down] I... remember doing things to Mikey. Were those real?

FOREMAN: [beat] I'm afraid so.

KARA: [crying] So... I...

FOREMAN: [softly] You tried to suffocate your son.

KARA: But... I... You... You stopped me. And uh... that-that other doctor, he got Mikey breathing.

FOREMAN: Your son's organs were damaged too severely. [sigh] He passed away this morning.

[Kara starts crying in absolute sorrow and moving around the bed in sheer helplessness.]

KARA: Oh... no... no, no, no, no, no, no... Oh my God! No... God!

[Suddenly she keels over the side of the bed and vomits out blood.]

CUT TO:

[Diagnostics office. Foreman reports to House. Chase is also there, looking distracted.]

FOREMAN: Pellagra doesn't cause bloody vomit. She's still sick and getting worse.

HOUSE: So, what causes pellagra and crimson spew?

[House hits the file tray, that Chase is leaning on, with his cane.]

HOUSE: [to Chase] Dead baby, while sad, not our problem.

CHASE: [sighs] I should've given him more polystyrene.

HOUSE: You killed him! If you don't get over it, you're gonna kill momma too.

CAMERON: Her alcoholism caused the pellagra. Maybe it also explains the vomiting... gastritis.

FOREMAN: Gastritis meds aren't helping. Which may confirm her story she only slipped once.

CAMERON: You remove the drinking from the equation, internal bleeding, the hypercalcimia, seizure and pellagra are all back...

HOUSE: [looking at Chase, who is still downcast] Chase, will you get your head out of the dead baby's butt and focus on the barely alive...

[And now it's EPIPHANY time!]

HOUSE: How much polystyrene did you give the kid?

CHASE: One gram. His potassium just kept rising.

[House limps out.]

CUT TO:

[NICU. Brent is sitting in a chair, cradling Michael's lifeless form in his arms, sobbing inconsolably. House enters.]

HOUSE: I need your son.

BRENT: [protectively holding Michael] Who're you?

HOUSE: Your wife's doctor. Your son may have had the same condition that she does.

BRENT: My son didn't have a condition. [angry] She killed him.

HOUSE: If I biopsy her intestines, she'll bleed out. He obviously won't.

BRENT: [teeth clenched] You're not using my son's body to help her.

HOUSE: Okay. How about trading him for a beer? [That's our House, Mr. Sensitivity!]

[Brent looks at House, surprised and angry.]

HOUSE: Or maybe, you're more of a whisky guy. You didn't have strep or stomach bug the morning you came in, you puked because you were hung over. Accuse a recovered drug [addict?] of slipping most of the time, you'd be right.

BRENT: So I drink. You're acting like this is my fault!

HOUSE: People are gonna feel sorry for you. They'll tell you that you can't anticipate the unthinkable. Well, the fact is, you can. It's just not all that pleasant.

BRENT: [breaking down] You don't know anything about how...

HOUSE: [angry] I know people don't get crazy enough to kill someone without first being crazy enough for someone to notice. How many times did you go for a drink because she was crying? How many times did you stay at work because you couldn't listen to her telling you what a bad mother she is. You were relieved when she shut down. She just sat staring for hours at a time. She held the pillow over his head. You slept while she went nuts! Not exactly a draw, but...

BRENT: What is wrong with you? What kind of a person says those things now?

HOUSE: Let me do the tests. It'll be one less thing for you to feel crappy about.

[Brent hugs Michael to his chest.]

CUT TO:

[House's office. Chase is sitting there alone, trying to get a hold of his emotions. House enters. Chase feigns reading a magazine nonchalantly.]

HOUSE: Got a dead baby for you to biopsy.

CHASE: Let Cameron do it.

HOUSE: Love working NICU? I can get you transferred.

CHASE: I told you. I just wanted to trust patients.

HOUSE: You don't give a crap about patients.

[Chase slams down the magazine and starts to head out. House holds up an envelope.]

HOUSE: Your paycheck. You've been double-dipping. Taking your vacation time here, while drawing your salary in NICU. Strange. Rich boy doing all that for some extra cash?

[Chase goes to take the paycheck, but House pulls it away. Chase holds his hand out for it.]

CHASE: I'm not rich.

HOUSE: But your dad was. Now he's dead. If you're not rich, that means that daddy cut you out.

[Chase grabs the envelope.]

CHASE: [cold] I'm not rich.

HOUSE: Don't let it change you.

[He lets go of the envelope. Chase walks towards the door.]

HOUSE: And do the test.

CUT TO:

[Shot of PPTH. Evening.]

CUT TO:

[Operating Room. Chase slowly unwraps Michael from the sheath, on the table.]

CHASE: [softly praying] Lord of Compassion, take Michael into Your arms. [sighs] Welcome him into Paradise. There will be no sorrow, no [?]. [Sorry, could not make out the prayer. The Choral note in the background was louder than the prayer.]

[Chase takes a deep sobbing breath.]

CHASE: [softly] I'm sorry.

[He picks up the optic fibre camera and inserts it into Michael's mouth. He looks into it and stops.]

CUT TO:

[House's office. House is playing with his Yo-Yo, when Wilson enters, displaying the results of his PCR test.]

WILSON: It was a date! Cuddy's negative for all cancer markers.

[He motions as if to say "That's all!".]

WILSON: It was a date.

[House, reading the results, notices something. At that moment, Chase enters.]

CHASE: Baby's intestines show slight villous atrophy.

[House takes that in and gets up and enters the Diagnostics office, where Foreman and Cameron sit.]

WILSON: How would a baby have flattened villi?

HOUSE: He's being treated with polystyrene.

FOREMAN: Polystyrene shouldn't...

HOUSE: It didn't. Question is, what did they use in the NICU to bind it together?

CAMERON: Wheat gluten.

HOUSE: That's great stuff. Unless your body can't tolerate it.

[Chase looks surprised.]

CHASE: The baby didn't have colic, he had celiac disease?

HOUSE: Just like mom. Celiac can be triggered by all kinds of stress. Bills, childbirth, drunk husband. Every time she had a bowl of pasta or slice of bread, sloshed in soya sauce...

[CGI of insides of small intestine.]

HOUSE: ... her small intestine became more damaged, less able to absorb the vitamins and minerals in her bloodstream. Her body couldn't absorb enough niacin, caused the pellagra and absorbed Vitamin K, caused the bleeding. And celiac is why the baby's meds didn't work. His body just couldn't absorb them. Switch mom to IV nutrition. It's gluten-free and will push her villi right up.

CAMERON: No, celiac causes nutritional deprivation. Our patient has excess calcium.

HOUSE: [to Wilson] Tell her what causes excess calcium. With a chaser of bloody vomit.

WILSON: Celiac patients are susceptible to cancer of the stomach lining. She has [?] lymphoma.

HOUSE: She's your patient now. [looking at Cuddy's PCR test results] And it wasn't a date.

[Wilson has his usual look of bewilderment as House leaves the office.]

CUT TO:

[Cuddy's office. Cuddy looks up from her paperwork to see House entering.]

HOUSE: You don't have cancer.

CUDDY: [okaaaay] You don't have dwarfism.

HOUSE: You have no proof of that. I, on the other hand, have this.

[He hands her the PCR test result.]

CUDDY: You ran a PCR on me without my consent?

HOUSE: Hey, it's good news.

CUDDY: Really! It's just hard to access because of this overwhelming sense of personal violation.

HOUSE: Deal with that on your own time. Bad news, estrogen is too high!

CUDDY: No matter how many people you tell otherwise, I am, and always have been, a woman. Estrogen is normal.

HOUSE: Not this much. Not for at least another week. That's when you ovulate.

CUDDY: Wha... you monitor my periods? Based on w-when I get bitchy or...

HOUSE: Once a month, when you leave the kid's cancer ward, your eyes glisten. About three days later, you break your ban on sugar and chow down a bucket of frozen yogurt in the cafeteria, sprinkles included. Based on the last yogurt sighting, you've got another week before you ovulate. You're on fertility meds. With "Red Clover" as an herbal booster.

[Cuddy seems like she's been busted for the worst form of medical malpractice - whatever that may be.]

HOUSE: Your date with Wilson was an audition. It's too bad he didn't land the gig. He would have had fun.

CUDDY: I was considering a donation. Not party.

HOUSE: So, when's our "dinner"? [he makes the air-quotes.]

[There's some sound coming from outside the office. They both look to see Wilson, standing outside, talking to someone.]

HOUSE: Ohhh, he's gonna be so disappointed.

CUDDY: Right. You two are gonna have a lot of fun with this.

[Wilson enters.]

WILSON: Your patient won't let me touch her.

[Camera holds on House.]

CUT TO:

[Wide aerial shot of PPTH. Night.]

CUT TO:

[Kara's room. House is trying to talk some sense into her.]

KARA: I killed my son.

HOUSE: [sighs] Is it my turn to say something obvious now? Oh, I know, you were insane.

KARA: I did it. I chose to do it.

HOUSE: Like diabetics choose to not produce insulin. Listen, someone got sick, someone died, happens everyday. Only difference in this case is it wasn't the same someone.

KARA: I could have stopped! I didn't have to listen to those voices.

HOUSE: Spoken like a true sane person. This is not your fault. You're healthy now. Except for the cancer.

KARA: Those voices felt as real to me as Michael's hand, right here when he nursed. [breaking down] And the smell of his hair...

HOUSE: [firm] You do not deserve to die.

KARA: Maybe. [sighs] But I don't wanna live.

CUT TO:

[Outside Kara's room. Foreman turns around to see House exit the room.]

HOUSE: She said no.

FOREMAN: So we get her declared unstable. Point her medical problems...

HOUSE: She was unstable, now she's sane. She's entitled to refuse treatment.

FOREMAN: You have to change her mind. You can't just walk away from...

HOUSE: [turning around on him] Fine! Go on in there and tell her that every day is a blessing! "So you killed your baby, shake it off, think positive, 'least you're alive"!

[He waits for a reaction from Foreman.]

HOUSE: Hmm, kinda hard to sell when you don't believe it, huh? You never believed it! You just wanted all that... crap you went through to mean something. Well, it didn't mean anything, it never does! [winks] Welcome back!

[House walks away. Foreman smiles wrily and finally cracks.]

FOREMAN: [following House] Why... are you doing this to me? I was happy!

HOUSE: You were aspiring to be content.

FOREMAN: [angry] Don't give me a semantic argument. I was... content with the way things were. That's what happiness is.

HOUSE: Yeah, if we're all just satisfied with what we have, what a beautiful world it would be. We'd slowly starve to death in our own filth, but at least we'd be happy. [stops to look at Foreman] Listen, I need your self-worth to hang on this job. Kicking ass here will be all the less you rise above miserable. Waking up in morning is enough, I don't need you.

FOREMAN: I can live with that.

HOUSE: No, you can't. Not anymore.

[With a meaningful glance, he limps away.]

CUT TO:

[Kara's room. Kara is lying on the bed, looking despondent. Brent enters.]

BRENT: [trying to hold it together] If you got treatment, then maybe we could...

[Kara turns her head away in refusal. Brent sniffles and leans on a chair.]

BRENT: When you see Mikey, tell him his dad says he's sorry.

CUT TO:

[PPTH Corridors. House (in motorcycle gear) and Wilson get off the elevator and stop. Cuddy is in front of them. They awkwardly let her in and get off.]

WILSON: Hi.

HOUSE: Hi,

CUDDY: Thanks.

WILSON: [feeling like an idiot] Did you tell Cuddy you tested her for cancer?

HOUSE: Yeah.

WILSON: And?

HOUSE: It wasn't a date. Turned out she had some skin lesions. Guess there was no genetic predisposition.

WILSON: [beat] You TiVo'ed "The L-Word"?

[House looks at him and smiles, as they walk off.]

CUT TO:

[Locker area. Foreman uses cards to see if he can remember medical terminology. He picks up "Mirtazapine". He turns it around and frowns to see he got the answer wrong. He dumps it in the pile on his left and picks out another one from the pile on his right. No different from first. In frustration, he slams the left pile on the table and sulks a bit. Cameron is standing in the doorway. Foreman looks behind at her. Still feeling guilty, she walks past him and leaves. Foreman decides to try afresh and picks up a card ("Modafinil"). When he turns it around, he smiles - he got it right! He goes for the next one.]

[CREDITS]